I awoke to the depressing sound of pitter-patter of the ubiquitous rain that squeezed its way out of the billowing grey clouds, that had been dormant no three hours previous. I routinely moved my hand through the dark to the right, searching blindly for the lamp that would presumably light up my morbid room. Ah, sweet justice. I formed my index finger and thumb around the twisting click knob, and turned it twice to the left, until a semi-blinding light filled the space, casting out all lingering shadows from the resilient dark. Typical night it seemed…

This cycle began a good four months ago. My bodies indisputable want to wake up precisely at 3:00 am, every morning, without fail. It was quite apparent that I would be subjected to this for another innumerable amount of days, weeks, months, etc. With a feeble attempt to distract these macabre thoughts, I forced myself to heave my legs over the edge of the mattress, my feet dangling a few inches off of the ground.

I made a path through my mix of clean and dirty laundry to the doorway, stopping abruptly to take a peak at my comfy bed. I decided against trying to force myself into an uncomfortable slumber, and twisted my body in compliance with that thought. Walking forward in a zombie-like fashion, I swiveled my body in routine to the loft’s hallway winding. I proceeded to trudge continuously, until my eyes found the familiar light from the modern kitchen that my mother had insisted I have installed. Of course my roommate had no objection.

“Hey Missy, up again?” Amber dejectedly asked, which sounded more like a personal question, rather than one directed to me.

“Mmm-hm,” I replied. I preferred to fake grogginess, and avoid a pointless conversation.

“Are you alright?” she immediately asked, looking up at my expressionless face, “you seem more exhausted than usual.”

I just nodded my head in that direction, hoping she got the hint. Her gaze fell back down to her Vogue magazine, which caused me to smirk lightly, just a small crease in my left cheek, and I robotically walked to the cupboards that held my favorite cereal bowls. I hope she didn’t notice.

I grabbed the first one that I could manage, finding that I undoubtedly chose the one with the slight break on the rim. If I cut myself purposefully on the edge, and subtly found a rusty pipe to rub the wound against… would that count as suicide? I wondered this morbidly, as I poured the multi-colored Fruity Pebbles into the bowl, a little more than halfway. I opened up the stainless steel fridge, another addition in regards to my mother, and grabbed the whole milk by the handle. Pouring while half hazy-eyed seemed to be more comforting than anything else.

I capped the milk, and quickly returned the carton to it’s frigid abode. I discretely went into the sitting area, and wondered past the couches. The loft was the highest in the building. A balcony wove itself around the three walls that were layered with transparent glass, allowing the spectator to view the breathtaking city from almost any angle. I walked closer and closer, the glass being so clean that it looked as if I could just keep walking and walking… into the black sky, and fall to my much-wanted death.

Why must I be so prone to suicidal thoughts? Why must I burden myself? I knew her death wasn’t my fault. I also knew that she would probably kill me herself if she knew I was thinking in such ways.

“Ash…,” I said under my breath. The slight reflection gawking back at me was none other than my own face. Except I didn’t recognize it as fast as I should have. The person I now looked at was not me. It couldn’t be. The cheekbones were far too defined. The neck was more closely related to a giraffes than a humans. The eyes were little beads of uncertainty. Just looking at the image got me choked up. No wonder everyone expected me to shoot myself at any moment. After all, the thoughts were definitely there.

I couldn’t stand to subject Amber to this type of attitude anymore. If I was going to suffer, I wouldn’t bring anyone down with me. It was pathetic. I should be wallowing away in despair because of something that is my own fault. As though Ashley had any negative thoughts towards me because of what had happened. I shivered uncontrollable as I recalled the terrible incident.

<br><br>“Aren’t you coming?” I prodded, unaware that Ash was still putting on her boots.

“Well aren’t we impatient,” she said jokingly.

I smiled abruptly, suddenly grateful to have someone who would put up with my indecent insatiable behavior. Especially given the time cramps I always managed to involved myself in.

Standing up from the small bench just next to the broad automatic doors, we trucked our way through the crowd that was beginning to look more like a herd of frozen cattle than anything else. My nostrils flared with the lingering scent of rich hot chocolate.

“Come on, Missy!” Ashley whined. “We haven’t got all day.”

“Just about, actually,” I said, the huge grin on my face practically reaching my ears.

She just rolled her eyes in retort, making a trail through the many civilians still flooding the ski resort. I blinked my eyes a few times, seeing a wave of heat in the corner of my eye. I ignored it like I always did, mistaking it for some time of retinal disfunction that I would never get checked out by a doctor. I was too careless of my body for my own good.

Finally making our way outside to the below zero temperature, we allowed our feet to guide us to the trail marked “EMPLOYEE’S ONLY.” It took about two hours of convincing to get Ash to agree to this. After countless pleas, I finally got her to agree.

“I still can’t believe we’re doing this. I should remind you about the bear sightings, M. I swear if we come across one, I’m screaming and pointing at you.” she said, half joking.

“Well, all I have to really do is outrun you. The slowest one gets eaten.”

“That’s not funny! You know I’m uncoordinated!”

“More reason for you to not scream and point to me. That’d only make it angry.”

“Sometimes I wanna punch you.”

“That’s okay. I’ll just punch you twice as hard,” I threatened.

Letting out a slight “ha” under her breath, Ash trudged forward, both of us unaware at how our conversation would relate to our upcoming predicament. I hadn’t accounted for the resorts precautionary steps for the bear population.

After an hour or so of adventuring outside of the intended pathway, we were almost certainly lost. I could already imagine the argument about to take place.

“If I get frostbite, I’m cutting off whatever appendage I lose from your body as well,” Ashley started. “I happen to like all ten of my toes.”

“It’s not like you can walk correctly with all of them. What’s a toe or two, anyways?” I couldn’t help myself. Back-sassing her was like breathing. Except I thoroughly concentrated on the latter of the two.

“Shut up.”

I just sighed, finding relief in the music that found it’s way to my frozen ear canals, making known our close proximity to the resort. Just as I started walking again, I could hear Ash start to breath faster.

“Is something wrong, crybaby?” I asked, completely oblivious to the dangers just meters away from the two of us.

“Shh! I thought I heard something,” Ash said.

I didn’t have it in me to say something sarcastically. All regards to be an ass were blown away the minute I spotted the hungry eyes. It was undeniably the biggest bear I had ever seen. Not that I could honestly say I had seen a bear in real life before. I was hoping that that hadn’t changed today. I guess luck isn’t on my side.

“Ash, don’t move,” I urged almost silently. I had no idea what to do when confronted with a wild animal. Especially one as monstrous as a grizzly bear. It looked at me, as if I had spoken directly to it. As if it was feeding off of our fear, it opened it’s mouth as wide as possible, and let out a deafening roar. I threw my hands to my ears, unable to keep still. Standing on it’s hind legs, it swatted the air in front of it, successfully sending a chill down my spine.

I couldn’t hear my best friend breathing anymore. I looked over to see that she was holding hers, in an attempt to stop herself from screaming.

The bear then threw itself down onto the snowy ground, and started towards us. That was when it hit me. I had no way of defending myself, or Ash for that matter. I was left vulnerable. I couldn’t stand that thought.

Gaining speed, it closed the remaining feet between us and it. Then I heard a terrible snapping noise, as if a tree close by had suddenly snapped in half. The bear had stopped, and let out an ear-splitting gnarl. I finally realized that it had succumbed to a bear trap. I couldn’t have been happier. I was saddened by the pain I could tell it was in, but I was more aware of my want to live than my want to save an animal that would surely tear my apart.

I made the best of the opportunity, screaming for Ashley to follow me. We turned to the left as fast as we could, trying desperately to follow the music that was increasing with each foot step. The closer we got, the more relieved I became.

After a few more feet, we came to a clearing from the trees. I let a breath, my heart beating a little easier than moments before. One more step and I could no longer tell where my feet were. I lost my posture and fell onto frozen ground, sliding down the steep slope that seemed to be the root of my awful demise.

I started to slip farther and farther, gaining speed with the momentum of gravity that I hated with everything in me at the time being. I opened my mouth to scream, but the second my lips parted, I heard a different scream. One that I knew wasn’t my own.

<br><br>It was mornings like these that made me cautious as to how the rest of the day would turn out. The ones in which I played that vivid scene repeatedly in my head, until I could recall even the number of people in the main lobby entrance; I’d always had an odd sense of awareness of any place I traveled to. Not that I payed enough attention to anything that would be deemed a talent on my end. Instead I spent a majority of the time mourning the loss of a friend.

…to be continued.



Joined May 2009

  • Artist

Artist's Description

This little bit came from an extremely vivid dream.

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