The Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a crerature was conscious, not even the mouse!
The stockings were hung, packed with missiles and air-fare
In hopes that Sir Frankenstein soon would be there.
The vampires were drooling, asleep in coffin beds
As visions of fresh blood danced through their heads.
And a bride in her kerchief and a groom in his cap
Shook hands with their Maker after a fatal mishap.
When under the sumo’s weight arose such a clatter
Corpses sprung from their graves to see what was the matter.
Away from his bat-form Vlad flew in a flash, and
Tore open castle windows, threw open the sash
The moon on the crest of the new fallen snow
Gave a luster of horror to all objects below.
When, what to a madman’s bulging eyes should appear
A landing iron sleigh with eight robotic reindeer.
A mad scientist’s experiment so terrible and quick
It must be the master old undead St. Nick.
More rapid than waterfalls of acid over bodies slain
The mer-monsters whistled and called him by name.
As decaying leaves before the wild hurricane fly
And met with an obstacle mount back to the sky.
Up over the cemetery gates they all flew
Rusted sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas, too
Then, in a split second, Jack Skellington paused on the roof
And helped his dear Sally from a reindeer’s mechanical hoof.
As a young girl turned her head, all the way around – she must be dead,
Barbarians took breaks from bashing in heads.
Santa then came soundlessly, and to Warrlord’s delight,
He was dressed all in armor, from shrunken head to foot
His clothes fused together with the toenails of Big Foot.
A bundle of severed heads he had flung over his back
Appearing as a psychopath, caressing this pack
His eyes, how they glowed!
Rusted smile, how merry!
Cheeks made of tinfoil, though his nose was all hairy.
His angry little mouth, drawn up like a bow
His mesh-iron beard, moshed to its own metal show.
The stump of his hookah clamped tight in his teeth
The whirling rancid smoke circled his head like a wreath.
He had a masked mind, and an iron beer belly
Which rattled when he laughed, with the screams from his last meal – a rapper, named Nelly.
Santa, how montrous, a right scary old elf
A soldier fainted when he saw him, in spite of himself.
A wink of his eyes and a twist of his head
Soon let us to know, we have nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work
He set off all the stockings and turned with a jerk.
He gave us the bird, followed by hollow cries
Of infants and children as Santa said his goodbyes.
Up the chimney he rose, while smiling that grin
Which sent shivers down spines, as if tackled by pins.
He sprang to his sleigh, and gave his robots a whistle
And away they all flew, along with the stockings full of missiles.
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

The Night Before Christmas

Raechel deMink

Joined January 2008

  • Artist

Artist's Description

I like to twist Christmas stories.

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