Confidence

It has taken me years to get any confidence. My ‘never ceases to believe in me’ partner of 16 years tells me I have a lot of talent but it> “aint gonna get ya know where without self belief and confidence!”
Knowing he is right was easy. Acting on it was more difficult. Solving the problem is proving damn right difficult!
So I decided to paint just for me. Not what I thought anyone else would like or what would be an easy seller. But just for me – to find out who I was when it came to a paintbrush and canvas. Nobody had to see it. I could paint what I liked and if I was embarressed by it I could paint over it or throw it in the bin. Allowing myself that freedom was so liberating. It took all the pressure off of ‘having to perform’ and live up to everyone elses expectations.
My first ten paintings were so child like – so much so you would not have guessed I have many qualifications in Art as well as a Degree! But the emphasis was on fun! The end result was not so important. Those ten paintings were about enjoying myself and finding/discovering who I was.
The next ten I started to think more about composition and colour – what turned me on, what were my strengths and weaknesses etc. Then each painting after that was a gradual development – peeling away the layers of rubbish that had built up over the years. Slowly I am finding myself again – my soul, my spirit is there for you to see – my journey is slowly unraveling like a jigsaw- piece by piece.
And I am loving every second of it!

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