Twelve Days Before Christmas...It Could Happen To You

Twas 12 days before Christmas
And all round the house
Creatures were scurrying
And well, we won’t mention the mouse.
The stockings were slung cross the back of the chair
Cause really St Nicolas, what would he care?

The children were some place, snug in a bed
These “extended families” had become cause for dread.
Mamma in her “kerchief” when she needed new clothes
Gave rise to the question, where’s the money this year
Does anyone know?

When to make matters worse on the lawn rose a clatter
I sprang from the sofa to see what was the matter.
Away to the front door I tripped over a dog
Broke my big toe and landed like a log.

As I lay at the door looking out at the moon
It hit me that the luster of Christmas was gone way too soon.
My wondering eyes were tired and sore
Could this year be worse than the ones had before?

When what to my wondering eyes did appear
But a city patrol car missing a gear
A tall husky driver, so determined and coarse
I mused that some how he was right for “the force”.
More rapid than eagles he exited his cruiser
Gave a big laugh and called me a looser.
His radio whistled and shouted and called him by name
I knew I’d be forced to play along with his game.

When up on the roof again came a clatter
I jumped off the floor this time without a splatter.
The moon on the breast of the grounds heavy dew
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects I knew.
Up on the roof covered half by the chimney
Were 8 tiny reindeer and a cat screaming “Gimme!”

“Now Dasher, Now Dancer, Now Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!
This ain’t the right house! You’ve done it again!
I told you that GPS would screw up in the end.
To the top of the next porch! Throw that cat a toy ball!
Before we’re surrounded and get only one call.”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So rushing the intruders the officer flew
Climbing a rose bush and loosing a shoe.
Up to the house-top all in line with his duty
I was beginning to see that this guy was a beauty.

He was tracking poor Santa, or so that it seemed
The “perp” was in fur but he sort of looked mean.
It was the gosh darndest thing that I’d ever seen.

His clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
Was there really some kind of evil afoot?
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler on the attack.

His eyes didn’t twinkle! His dimples were pits.
His cheeks were likes roses, his nose it did drip!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And he looked like a time bomb bout’ ready to blow.

The stump of a pipe he’d broke off in his mouth
And smokeless tobacco oozed out of his teeth.
I screamed and I shouted and hollered, “Good Grief!”.

His broad ugly face matched the size of his head
The officer nabbed him and called, “Don’t move or you’re dead!”
Then pulling the cuffs from the back of his pants
They both fell to earth; face down, in some ants.

They spoke not a word, but went straight to the cruiser
It was then that I hollered out, “Now who’s the looser!”
Laying a finger aside of my nose,
And giving a nod I was left to suppose…..

That left on my roof was a hi-jacked deer team
One selfish cat and a pint of Jim Beam
The little ole driver was sure not St. Nick
I ran back in the house, slammed the door real quick.

But I heard the officer say as they roared out of sight,
“It’s Twelve Days till Christmas you’ll be out by tonight!”

By Terri L. Chandler
December 16, 2011 @ 9:51 AM

Twelve Days Before Christmas...It Could Happen To You

Terri Chandler

Batesville, United States

  • Artist

Artist's Description

Traditionally every year I re-write “Twas the Night Before Christmas” based on my own feelings, emotions or events that have taken place during the holiday season. Some of you may not know, our son is a police officer, and this year, with the economy so tight, my “traditional” spoof on this iconic poem made me giggle, but took a bit of a “bah-humbug” turn. I hope you all enjoy it, and despite my serious absence from RB in 2011 I wish all my dear friends here a VERY Merry Christmas and Blessed New Year! ~Love to all Terri and Company

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