April 7th...

Today at precisely 7:30 am, as the sun lifted the new day, my Mother crossed over into the life she should have always had. A beautiful gypsy soul, big brown eyes, long brown hair and a most endearing smile but most significant was her free spirit. The day is a tough one for me and the days leading up to it. I will never forget her last words to me. Incomprehensible and full of pain. Every half second she screamed for mercy just wanting it to end. Begging for peace in body and spirit while we listened and prayed begging God to make it go away even though it was ripping our hearts out…
So beautiful in spirit but not seen nor appreciated in this world by the man who destroyed her. Loving everyone in her path and knowing the good in them. Those she touched couldn’t accept the loss of a much needed light in such world of hate, greed and superficial existences.
Three funerals in her honor on the same day could not ease the pain. Two countries, two worlds and no one knew the real story. Elegant was she in life and so much grace in the face of the pain hidden behind closed doors. Never understood why her last few days were spent in torture and absolute agony. Never will. Traumatic to have to leave the Hospital and literally have to burn the things she had touched. There is a saying, the good die young, she did. Lived two or three life times at the age of 50. Changed a good many lives. Left her mark on those she touched. You don’t know her and now you never will but she was beauty personified. Loving in spirit, accepting of everyone with a breath. Never turned anyone away nor judged them.
They called her a missionary, she was my Mama and I miss her terribly. Today there is sunshine but yet so much rain is falling. I have brothers, a sister and children but no one knows how significant this day is. Silence speaks. It was a day my life was altered forever and it will never be the same again. I think love is love. If you have it in a spouse or parent or child then you are blessed. Nurture that! To be loved and know you are, is a gift you need to share as I do hers.
Most think it is a given. It is indeed not. Never was. We are HUMAN beings that need the words and touch that says I love you…. Just I love you…. Say I love you…. Mean….. I love you…Hold someones hand that feels strange, say I love you….It really isn’t that hard. I love you..see I said it to you and I mean it. It is her legacy she left me. Each year it grows stronger. I love you so much!
Tonight, the day has passed for me in so much pain, my keyboard is wet and I am in pieces. Each year that comes will be no different. I am alone, hurting and it’s okay because it means I knew real love and lost it for a time but I was fortunate.
She made me who I am. Are you loved? If your reading this then know your loved because I really care. Just want you to know that. Emotional I am but loving you is all about that. I warm you with my Moms legacy. From the heart….I love you, now pay it forward…

April 7th...

Donna19

Joined May 2011

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