Love of My Life

As she talks i watch her mouth move. Her lips so pink and luscious, so ripe and juicy. She flips her hair and smiles. I watch her brown curls bob up and down, watching the way she changes her face into a permanent mask of happiness. Her voice sooths me, and I begin to calm down to the point of relaxation. I imagine myself laying there with her in my arms, ready for anything, ready to face the unknown. When she’s with me, nothing else exists, it’s just me and her. My eyes close in imagination, dreaming of the day when i will hold her in my arms and cuddle her, kiss her, love her.
Her hand is warm in mine as she lightly squeezes it to get my attention. I had been lost in my fantasy world, and had lost track of the present. Only she could bring me back. For, with her, it feels like a dream, it’s all so unreal, all so amazing. Sometimes when I sit and watch her, I wonder if I am dreaming, for nothing could possibly be as wonderful as this. Sometimes I even think I’ve died and gone to heaven, and she’s the angel of whom I shall be shown around. She is my guide and the key, for she is the only one who can open my heart, and she is the only one who can guide me on my journey of life.
She nudges my shoulder, allowing me to come to the present once again. Her eyes a chocolaty brown, a warm fudge color, maybe milk chocolate, I’m not even sure. For, her eyes are too amazing to be simply specified as one color, one genre, put in one list, one category. They are so much more than that. When I look into her eyes I get lost in their beauty, lost in her light, in the love, in the glow radiating off her.
The tips of her fingers get anxious, and her feet start to move in embarrassment. No doubt she is dreaming about me as I am dreaming about her. I know she can tell when I think about her, when I look at her in that way. She gives me a smile, such a warm and genuine little thing, not noticeable as much more than a sign of happiness to others, but to me it is so much more. It symbolizes love, true friends, best friends, and hopefully potential lovers. I see her blush, she can tell I am once again thinking about her. She has stopped talking, she just stands there staring back at me, can’t think of what to say. She waits for me to bring up a new subject that we can talk about, but I too can’t think of anything, and am left staring blankly back at her, into those warm chocolaty eyes, just embarrassed as her, but much more aware of all of it.
Once again I feel the tips of her fingers move within my hand, she starts to pull back. She is about to leave, no doubt too embarrassed about the situation and waiting to get out of this awkward moment. Of course I wont keep her, I understand, and I wouldn’t want to make her feel awkward or uncomfortable in anyway, but before she goes I must have a hug. For, I crave to hold her in my arms once before we depart. For sure I wont see her again till lunch, my school schedule is nothing like hers. I only have one class with her, so we can only talk during breaks.
I remember when we went to grade school together, and every class would be the same as the one before. We all had assigned seats, and every class we’d have the same teacher. I used to sit and watch her during class, acting as she may, acting like such a girly girl, for that’s what she is. She never escapes my thoughts, my memories, my dreams. I think about her all the time, all day and all night.
Right now my thoughts don’t matter, what matters is my craving for one last hug before it all ends and I don’t see her till the next day, for school has ended, and so we talked, but now she must leave. So, as she tries to pull away, and out of my hand, I garb the tips of her fingers lightly as I feel them leave the palm of my hand. She feels the resist and turns to look at me. I smile and open my arms, beckoning her to come to me and give me a hug, beckoning with my eyes, and she sees it as soon as she meets my gaze. She slowly walks back towards me, now she’s so close I can smell her.
Her chary chapstick smells so sweet and delicious, while her rose and lavender scented shampoo give a nice edge and tint to the delicious chary lip gloss. She smells so great, so sweet, and so amazing, almost magical. And, as the air picks up, the scent of her tropical, fruity deodorant fills my lungs, and I sigh with satisfaction.
Remembering to stay in the present, I grab her waist and pull her in tight. Her cheek squishes against my chest, her warmth heating my body, and her love filling my heart. I squeeze her tighter, holding her to my breast. As I stand there hugging her a few moments go by and I can tell for her it’s getting a little bit awkward, so I pull back, looking at her face. Her eyes sparkle as I look into them, and even though it’s because of the sunshine, it feels as though it’s a special sparkle just for me.
I bend down for one last quick hug before she gets away, and she quickly takes me back into her arms, over joyed to have me hugging her once again. Her behavior confuses me, but I don’t let her sudden urge to want to hug me be taken the wrong way. I let go once again and whisper, “See you tomorrow,” in her ear. She smiles her perfect smile, with her perfect white teeth and perfect round lips. Her teeth shine in the sun light, and her lips sparkle. Even her hair has an unnatural, but beautiful, looking shine to it, as though her whole body is glowing with happiness. I can even see excitement roll of her like waves. She smiles one last time and says goodbye. I smile back, and she turns around and walks away, towards her car.
At this age we can’t yet drive, so her mom’s waiting for her in the car, with the windows rolled down to let in the breeze. When she gets to the car she waves to say goodbye once more before opening the passenger door and entering the vehicle. After she gets in and straps on her seat belt her mom starts the car, and as they start to pull out of their parking spot she turns to look at me. I just stare straight back, a smile on my face, I’m never this happy normally. I don’t normally wear a smile, I don’t normally feel the need to unless somethings funny, then I laugh, and it’s hard to laugh without smiling. That’s the only time I naturally smile, normally I wear a frown, or a fake smile, like the kind you put on for family photos because they want you to smile in the picture. Or even school photos. Unless you take a picture of me while I’m doing something, and unless I don’t realize your taking the picture, then I won’t be smiling, because I’ll be trying too hard to act happy for you, but with her, it all comes naturally, and I smile because I’m actually happy.
And, as she pulled out of that parking spot and started to drive away, I had one of those real smiles on, for I was happy to see her, to hug her, to think of her, and to be with her, in her life. I felt a special connection, whether she felt it or not, it was defenetly there. Because, even if she didn’t know it, whenever she was around me, or whenever she saw me, and whenever she hugged me, she would get a little bit happier, a little bit more excited, and a little more content within her own body. Because, whether she knew it or not, I helped her calm down, I helped her relax and feel at home, I held a part of her heart, and whenever I wasn’t there, she felt like something was missing, like she was missing a part of herself. She felt empty, incomplete.With me there, she was whole and she loved every minute of it.
At least, that’s how I felt when I was with her, and how I felt when I left her, or when I was all alone. I just felt like something was missing. And, at least she acted like she felt the same, but I could never tell if she knew it, or if she actually felt it or not. So, as she drove away, I smiled and waved till she was out of site, then walked wearily home, to be alone with my computer. To be alone and depressed, and to have the space, the privacy, to cry all by myself, sitting here all alone, writing stories about how I am in love with this girl who wont tell me a thing, and who I kill myself over day in and day out. For, I would do anything for her. I would go to the end of the earth and back for her, I would go anywhere, do anything for her, I would even die for her, or to save her. I just love her so much. And this is what keeps me up at night crying over how lonely I truly am, and how lonely I have become. For, without her, I am nothing, without her I am just a depressed little girl in a hopeless world, living a hopeless, pathetic life. There’s no reasoning to my life unless she’s in it, unless she lives it with me. Without her I am nothing, without her I am crap, but without her I would never know how it feels to truly, truly be in love. And, without her, I would spend my life wondering the streets alone at night, looking, searching, for love. Now I have found it, but yet it makes me sadder than ever.
Without her I can’t survive, and before her, I was fine, normal and alive. For, she has killed me, not literally, but some how, in some way, she has murdered me. She has ripped open my chest and broke off a piece of my heart. She has torn it right in two. But, the problem is, she doesn’t even know it. So if she never comes and gives me back the other half of my heart, then I shall never be whole again. And it torchers me, she torchers me. And, if she would at least give it back and go away, I would be fine. But, without the other half of my heart I am worthless, and I can never fall in love again. For, I only have the one half to give, and if someone else takes this half, I wont have any heart left. And, I’ll be left to die alone, with no love, because I’ll have nothing to bear the pain, for I’ll have no heart to hold the love, and it will all turn to ruins, and all burn to ashes. Without my other half I shall be gone, cast away into the pit of blackness and despair.
Without her…..
I can not go on living, for she is….

…my everything! =]

Love of My Life


Santa Cruz, United States

  • Artist

Artist's Description

This is not fictional. This is a true story, some what!? I am only going into high school this year, and she no longer goes to my school, she’s a grade below me, so she hasn’t entered high school yet. And, the school we went to was a k-8 charter school. so we both have been there since kindergarten. but since she’s a grade below me, i am only in her class when they combined grades. and this last year, my 8th grade year, she was in my class, and i fell in love with her. now im going off to high school, and ill barely ever get to see her again, but ive been telling myself i will go and visit her every now and then, which wont be hard, cuz we live right by the school and my little sister still goes there. i just hope when she goes to high school that she goes to mine so we can again be together. and she knows i like her, but shes not sure yet how she feels about me. it makes me so sad. all the feelings in this story are completely true, i just kinda changed the settings a little bit. but the at school part and car and everything is true, and the at home……but ya! thanks for reading, i hope u enjoyed it =]

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