Johnny Something-Seed

I have a friend who’s an archeologist. Presently he’s working on the Bellamy Road project. As i understand it, this road was the very first in American history and went from somewhere around St. Augustine, across what is now Northern Florida and through the State’s panhandle. Until that time, due to hostile peoples and insects, it was actually easier to sail around the peninsula to reach the Mississippi River; No kidding!

Anyway, i aked him how on earth they (archeologists) knew there was a road at all? Consider that, of the two most catalystic forces on Earth, heat and moisture, Florida has plenty. i have seen its environment digest whole auto carcasses in the space of a few years.

He explained to me that they can tell a road was there in part because of the neat lines of man made debris along its edges. Usually pushed aside by torrential rains in those days, this “debris” consists of things such as rusted steel, resilient jewelry, buttons, charred wood, bullets, bones, and other miscellaneous foreign matter that would have been transported over land from the seaside. Not only are these items grouped together in a line, but they are all oriented such that their longest dimensions point along the same East-West line.

Now, for some time i have been bothered by the fact that several of my friends who claim some moderate concern for the environment will subconsciously and completely guiltless, habitually and frequently flip cigarette butts out their car window. i tried admonishment and soon found myself threatened by friendlessness. Since i have no desire to be friendless, this matter needs reconcilliation. So here it is.

When inconsiderate persons throw cigarette butts out their window, they are providing future archeologists with a vast and detailed map of our road system. i mean, just imagine all the butts ever tossed on the roadways of America, not to mention other sophisticated nations. Just like votes, one may not mean much but together they will tell the world who we are.

And they don’t have to be bad for the environment. Some seeds are released during forest fires, by heat, right? Maybe we could get RJ Reynolds, Phillip Morris and the lot to make butts with seeds in them; then, that last little enhanced burn near the end of the filter could activate the seeds just before they hit the moist depressed areas at the edges of our highways, and then they would germinate.

A tree or a bush grows, thereby recycling the very air we just polluted with our lungs and tailpipes. We could all become Johnny Somethingseeds and contribute to the greatest environmental revitalization project the World has ever known! We could even add a little fertilizer for that extra nudge to growth. After all, what smoker has any right to object to another chemical between lips or lodged in lungs?! -DJB

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