come look at these apples

punctuality has never been my strong suit.

on the other hand, i will walk into freezing throw-me-into-rush-county winds wearing just my bondage shirt and jeans to see a giant pile of apples.

a friend of mine discovered that your neighbors in animal crossing respond more naturally to your letters if you include topics that they have a clear understanding of like fruit, fish, or furniture.
for example:

dear pecker,
here is a lamp. i saw it in the store and thought of you. i wanted to bring it myself but am very busy these days. i was hoping you could save me some time and shove it up your ass, yourself. apple.

i will admit that the recipient of this letter wasn’t very pleased by it, but he did seem to be aware of it’s general contents. as a reward for his stellar achievement i beat him with my net.

i once used a willow branch to whip a boy from his bike as he rode past me on my way to a friends house when i was yet a wee lad. upon my arrival i discovered that the bike was stolen from my friend’s younger sib, so i have looked at it not so much as a random act of violence but evidence of karma and personal connectivity perhaps of the interwoven nature of life and energy and the forces that influence them. apple. i don’t have much of an explanation for the incident with the my pet monster. i’m sure its on the list.

come look at these apples

DeftMute

Spiceland, United States

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