ki-ki

DeeprBlue

Puyallup, United States

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Beautiful Ki-Ki….silly and wonderful name given by my son….is suffering terribly.

Three days now she hasn’t moved, eaten, taken a drop of water from my fingertip to her soft and tender mouth.

When I try to console her…she makes a sound that breaks my soul into dark grief.

I fear someone has poisoned her.
There are rumors of people here that poison cats…and I have lived in a blind faith that no one could have the heart to hurt ….her…such a kind and sweet and nature loving creature.

By night she stalks and plays and tromps….as I’ve secretly followed her to watch her nocturnal life…
By day she follows me as I walk within my limited space to find something new to photograph.
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It is in the nature of cats to do a certain amount of unescorted roaming. Adlai Stevenson
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Ah yes….for Ki-Ki it is a fine thing that I have no transportation to travel to new places to find newer and finer things to take shots of….for she can and has always followed me to watch what I may find….again and again….the same places….looking for different angles and new growth to capture and reflect back to…you.

At times, her sweetness is so present that she offers me one, two, three…..thirty…! shots of her in nature…and I connect to her kind spirit of offering to me her unique beauty.

I’ve often felt her seeming to grasp that I’m forever searching within my area for something new and I have felt such a quiet and still amazement and yes, even an awe….of her gift of just…herself to me…allowing me to take “photo shoots” as she poses and tolerates my invasion of her world.

Ki-Ki was handed to me when she was 4 weeks old.

It was a crack house that she was born in.
My caregiver, at the time, drove me there….and I waited in her car, sick, frightened, but filled with hope and a deep, deep compelling need to save her.
A woman walked out….face covered in sores…carrying this tiny creature who still needed her mothers soft belly offerings still….helpless and frail.
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Kittens can happen to anyone. Paul Gallico
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How could I say no to this innocent life so fragile and in such a wanton disregard of an environment….?

I remember how she tried to nuzzle my own chest seeking what her mother should’ve been there for her to offer…..late into the night hours….and how I tried every type of simulation such as heating pads and furry blankets and my breath whispering soft nothings to her frightened and too early exposed little body.

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She clawed her way into my heart and wouldn’t let go. Missy Altijd
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She grew into a fine creature however. Her natural independence and facade of disregard tickled me and made me feel I had succeeded in fostering her proper nature…

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Who would believe such pleasure from a wee ball o’ fur? Irish Saying
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How many times have I readied myself for a well planned period of meditation, or concentration on one thing or another….only to be gently interrupted, only then!…by gentle yet intrusive paws and intense yet soft eyes invading my chosen moments for myself?

I’ve come to learn that I must do these things with the readiness of a free hand available for her requirement of my massaging fingers.

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I put down my book, The Meaning of Zen, and see the cat smiling into her fur as she delicately combs it with her rough pink tongue. “Cat, I would lend you this book to study but it appears you have already read it.” She looks up and gives me her full gaze. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she purrs, “I wrote it.” Dilys Laing, “Miao”
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When I take the boys out, she follows, stealthily, hiding behind this tree or that patch of high grass…only to pounce at the moment of her choosing, upon her canine companions…surely an acquired taste indeed.

How many times have I watched Murphy run and pounce upon HER in her “hiding places” and she rolls over onto her back and paws at him with mild interest and a feigned attack response…lol
oh the laughter she has planted in my belly that instantly grew into a hardy bursting flower of amused joy…..pure and absolute rise out me.

How many times have I stopped working on my art to realize that all three of them, Murphy, Mogley, and Ki-Ki….were entwined together in repose and if I listened carefully…there was a gentle yet constant purr resonating softly into my mind from that magical place within all cats….and I would often wonder how that purr reached into that area between my own throat and heart….

I’ve been told….by neighbors, at times, that they have witnessed her as she ever so proudly pranced…down the street with a rodent between her teeth….that she presented to their doorstep.

I was amazed to hear this but after realizing that they were leaving saucers of milk out for her AND opening their doors…where she then walked in and went to sleep there…..somehow knowing they would accept her.

The secret lives of cats….
It is said that the average cat has NINE homes…and I found that so incredibly hard to believe…as cats are creatures that do not trust easily…but now I see that they have an insight into human nature and the human soul as well.

Women, poets, and especially artists, like cats; delicate natures only can realize their sensitive systems. ~Helen M. Winslow

Ki-Ki has been with me now for 6 years….at least…as my ability to rely on my memory is a damaged area of my brain…..yet brains can recover….

it has been 72 hours now with no movement, refusal of water or food….and my neighbor has just come and gone….brought a syringe and we forced water down her throat….and he also brought the innards from a chicken so I might boil them and try to get the broth from it down her throat as well.

The vomiting has topped now for about 12 hours….and so far she has held this water down….soon…within an hour or two I will try the broth.

This entire episode has, once again, reminded me of the fact that…“soon” Murphy’s life will come to a closure here on this plane….as he is 13 human years…

Thirteen years he has been my best friend and constant companion…through the life I had before I became ill….and the lively home so often filled with friends and activity and joy….

He ran from floor to floor….loving the steps and leaping over three at a time to master them as our home was his playground…with so much room to explore….and Mogley…!

Mogley is 12 human years! Soon I will lose them both.

I don’t know how I will comprehend life without the only constant companions I’ve ever had….as they have literally nurtured me through horrible episodes of illness…meningitis….fever…delirium…and even near death.

I was hospitalized so many times that there were times they actually allowed Murphy and/or Mogley into my room….and there they were their most at peace….just to be at my side.

They have all traveled with me through my losses…to this life of living in a motor home….who would have ….ever…thought…it would have come to this….

No one here knows who I am….other than just another poor reclusive figure behind the tinted glass everywhere around me….

Yet…..Murphy…Mogley…and Ki-Ki know who I am…and the love and the bond we have is like nothing I’ve had in life….ever…..it defies all other types and forms of relationships.

How will I redefine my life….once again….without therm…?

Will I find within me….something quietly powerful from the soil of pain and loss and grief in my heart?
Will I find within….a reason….to get up…fight this disease….go outside…take walks…..go next door to do my yoga without them?

Who will I talk to all hours of the night as I clean…and laugh at myself….as Murphy refuses to sleep but rather sits with his attention only on me and my words….? There will be no Murphy one day…to listen to me and look into my very soul with those eyes of almost…disturbing depth and understanding.

His entire life revolves around me…and Mogley is content to chew on his chewy and entertain….the constant comedian….yet at sleep time….it is a quiet battle between them on who gets my belly and who gets my feet and legs to sleep near….

And of course, there’s Ki-Ki…..who always…always…waits on the drivers seat..out of the way…until we’re all settled in and then…and only then…does she ever so gingerly and softly climb across them both to nestle upon my chest or hip depending upon my position….and there she settles and relaxes and the purr engine starts…

How will I do all of these things that i do….with no Ki-Ki or Murphy or Mogley…?
How will I re-frame my life and how I do everything I do with the ever present consideration of my companions…..who have lived a life of wealth and now poverty….? Never losing their commitment and dedication and true…love…for me…and I them…

Their intelligence and psychic connection to me is intrinsically woven into the fabric of my existence….

How will I do this…?

How will I do this when I’ve only just begun to try to live again….alone…without the friends I thought I had when I was “wealthy” and “successful”…?
The silence left from their absence is truly deafening…naturally this is an over-used phrase but it is so true…
How, then, will I cope and go on with the deafening silence left by my beloved companions..?

I am only just now finding my path in this new life of…poverty and isolation….fighting a disease that has more tenacity than any patient, any person, any experience I’ve ever encountered or dealt with in my entire life….and what makes me find some joy in all of this is the companions that have been with me and who love me and remind me that there is fun and laughter and snuggling and LIFE around me always….

You have learned something. That always feels at first as if you had lost something.
—-H.G. Wells

Artwork Comments

  • KEITH  R. WILLIAMS
  • DeeprBlue
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