Just WHEN is a good time to say....

I LOVE YOU! I’ve said it so many times over the past few days – to my dying mother, my son, and at the end of each telephone conversation with my sister, my ex-mother-in-law AND my next door neighbor. I’ve even casually added it in my e-mails to friends and relatives!

But inside me right now is an “I love you” that terrifies me. It’s filled with overwhelming passion and promise – as well as the opportunity to be deeply hurt. It’s for a man I hardly know – whom I couldn’t POSSIBLY love! Yet there that feeling is – every moment waiting at my lips to leave. I whisper it to him in my daydreams, and it’s one of the last things I say before I drift off to sleep.

And what bothers me most about this feeling is that I just can’t seem to put my finger on exactly WHY I love this man. Shouldn’t I be able to do that? Is it because he’s all those things loveable guys are supposed to be – sexy, smart, handsome, witty, artistic, and gainfully employed (did I mention sexy) But yet, none of that matters to me nearly as much as the simple fact that when we’re apart I ache to be near him again as soon as is humanly possible – to hear his voice – to touch his skin – to brush my lips against his – and to be held tightly in his arms while I nuzzle my face in his neck and breathe him in. It feels as though I’m somehow incomplete without him.

It’s as though I’ve been missing him all along…

…as though he’s the last piece in the puzzle of my life.

Hell, at 48 years old I KNOW I should already be complete! I’m ashamed of myself for feeling out of control and terrified that JUST ONCE I might let those words slip from my mouth by mistake – and risk losing everything. Yet no matter how hard I try to damper this feeling it bubbles to the surface the minute I open my eyes, and gnaws at my insides every waking second until the pain is nearly unbearable and my heart cries out for help. I warn myself over and over again – my sweet, sweet feeling of love must stay hidden away in a package wrapped with fear, shame, and frustration. And all the while – I burn.

But I have been in love like this before, a very long time ago, so I accept that there’s simply no way to get around it. There’s no way I can extinguish this flame. HE will have to do that – or validate my love with his own declaration. Then with a few words from his lips my soul will soar, or my heart will implode.

No one SHOULD have that power – but you do.

I wonder how on Earth I can love you as much as I do right now. How can I let myself fall so far and so fast without the slightest consideration for my family, my future, or even you?

I guess it’s because love doesn’t make sense. It has stripped me of pride and all my wits. It’s rendered my instincts useless – and good advice from loved ones pointless. It has pared me down to the most basic of all human beings – a woman in love.

And so, Jim, my love is yours. Do with it what you will.

Just WHEN is a good time to say....

Donna Dart

Blenheim, United States

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Artist's Description

A decent story that came out of an indecent relationship (easy come, easy go)!

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love

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