Joined February 2008

For years I have been dabbling in all sorts of different art, but my true passion is drawing. Ever since I could pick up a pencil, it has...

A Phallic Crown of Shame

I’ve been posting a lot of rants lately and noticed that people seem to be enjoying them. Well, maybe not everyone, but those with common thoughts and have noticed such things in life are responding. And this inspired me to bring up a little something that I joke about to my friends….something that none of them actually understand. Not one! It’s an inside joke with just myself and only the punchline has been shared. Still funny, but not the real message. So…I think it’s about time to go off on a tangent and explain this phallic joke.

I feel old. Sounds odd…“She’s not old! She’s not even 20! What would make her think such a thing?” Well, thinking back on my childhood I’ve noticed that a lot of things that were normal back then are long lost concepts. It’s been 7 years since I have played outside. When I say play, I mean unplanned running around throwing dirt in the air because you can’t do that inside. What happened to just playing? Climbing trees, running around on a play set, digging a hole, burning barbies, or building random things out of rocks…That stuff. You never see or hear of children doing that today. Now it’s all planned activities in controlled environments with no thought, no imagination, and no actual learning. You can’t teach a kid not to color on the walls or carpet by giving them an overpriced, color and shade limited, stenciled drawing kit with special markers that only work on a few crappy pieces of paper that come with the kit. What happens when they run out of that paper? They cant draw on normal paper and it’s very rare for these pansy new toy companies to make a pack of extra over priced, pre-colored paper. So you have to buy a whole new kit, spending another $40 just to have your kid find a misplaced sharpie and think it’s okay to draw a spaceship on that freshly painted wall or expensive white jacket. Good job. Now the children have no imaginations, no independent thought process, no immune systems, no originality, and no common sense! All of these poor little bastards are over-protected, sheltered and mostly antisocial.

But wait…Is Spanky really one to be speaking of such an issue? Lack of socialization? YES! As a kid I made my own friends, played outside, saw people and was just dandy. Now that I’m older and see the world for what it really is, I’ve made it a point to hide in a dark room or a basement as if there were a zombie apocalypse. I also make it a point to have plenty of things in said fortress to distract myself from the stupid shit going on outside. Sometimes though, I do get a little bored and need a little more fresh air than just going for a late night walk when no one is awake. So I go out an see a select few friends….some don’t stay up late. That’s okay, I can work with that, but for those who don’t, they can wait until the rest of the country is asleep before I even attempt to see them. I’m a professional when it comes to avoiding the public.

However, I do occasionally venture out into the cesspool called society when I’m REALLY bored…or when forced and I’m okay for about five minutes or so. Hell, I’ll even make my way to a club (provided I have some form of meat shield or escort to make sure I don’t get shanked on the way there, but will run off to the bar as soon as we enter, leaving me to deal with the perverted schmucks there). It is very clear that clubs are meant for the sole purpose of getting drunk, or getting laid. Sometimes people like to dance a little to show off for their friends, but usually people only go there to get a few bangs or a few shots.

Knowing this, I make it a point not to approach strangers (a lesson from childhood). I just go ahead and find a nice chair or corner and watch these people do their drunken mating dances falling all over themselves and groping each other (including the escort). Of course, I dress a little nice and show a little cleavage, but hope that the creeps will be too intimidated or drunk and will just be okay with seeing my tits at a distance. HA! Hope is hopeless. Though it is interesting how they make rounds and take turns. I smile, speak in a soft voice and they blush, not realizing I just told them to go back and quietly jerk off in a corner. It’s funny and strange. People don’t realize just how mean I really am. But after rejecting them and the next few rounds come by, what do they do? They come right back and try again as if I were some other person, as if I never rejected them. How stupid can you get? And when the night is over, they find me on the internet (probably through Google) and tell me how nice it was to meet me and tell their friends what a sweet girl I am. I can promise you their friends chuckled under their breath.

As I’ve said people don’t surprises me anymore, especially not levels of stupidity. I’ve realized that there is an unlimited supply of stupid and there is no hope of it getting any better. Why? Because stupidity is free, but education costs $5,000-$30,000 a year. There was a time when I had hope in society. I thought, “Oh there’s only so much stupidity, the world isn’t that bad…there’s no way it could get worse. People can’t be THAT fucked up.” So I started a little joke, a bet with myself. If I’m completely awe struck by an amazing amount of stupidity (or just plain bullshit) to the point of not being able to speak, I will go out and buy a giant metal mechanical dildo with rave lights and continue to add accessories to it every time something does manage to catch me off guard.

Needless to say that day came.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a sex shop at the time. None of them had the equipments needed to beat some sense into my poor hopeful conscience anyway. I’d have to either spend a buttload of money to get it commissioned, or build it myself. Lacking such funds and time, wearing my crown of shame in the form of a giant metal DICK will have to wait. Don’t worry, I’ll make it a nice postcard for other people who feel the same way about the bullshit surrounding them. And oops, I did it again…had some hope in human filth…so that phallic crown will also be equipped with spikes to get the point across to me (literally).

For all of those out there who have heard me mention my 10ft, retractable, metal, mechanical penis with rave lights and spikes, now you know the entire cruel joke. And lets hope the sound system (next accessory on the list) will never have to be added to this symbol of society.

Like I said in my last post, realizations can kill you.

Journal Comments

  • Mark Ramstead
  • DarthSpanky