My Christmas Lesson

Christmas and a New Year soon to come,
Shopping for gifts and mailing Christmas cards almost done.
My dishes askew and my turkey and I a disaster.
I don’t know if I’ll ever host any more holiday dinners-here after.
My kitchen engulfed in a blueish-green smoke,
if Santa came right now, I’m positive he’d croak!
My two children running amuck through the yard,
My daughter stark naked and my son on his head my only pair of leotards.
My husband lying on the sofa, glued to the t.v. tube.
My guests arrived early…“Oh, Dear, how terribly rude!”
As I make a mad dash through the house breaking into a run…
I think, “How can I possibly get through this and be sane when I’m done!?”
As I throw on my dress and fix my hair with not one minute to spare…
I jerk open the door in my front hall and greet my guests who look somewhat astonished and appalled.
I grab my children to put them in their holiday best.
Only to realize my bra had been hanging to the hem of my dress!
On my way to the bathroom a horrid sight caught my eye….My husband still on the sofa wearing his boxers and a t-shirt that says, “If I stink go away”
I make a mental note to KILL him later that day.
From the toilet I rose to an awful clatter…
I ran to the dining table to see my mother’s antique turkey platter hit the floor and shatter!
Now, the half burned feast on my table is set, everyone gathered all around…
Wouldn’t you know it, the freaking electric went down!
As I bent over to light the candles on the table,
my sleeve caught fire and someone clubbed me with the gravy ladle.
As I lay on my dining room floor battered and beaten, someone jerked open the dining room door and hit me in the face….
“May I share with you a piece of wisdom I have learned? Next year Christmas dinner will not be served at my place!”
therefore it won’t be my concern…
Merry Christmas to all and those who share it, most of all my sympathies to those who prepare it!

My Christmas Lesson


Joined February 2008

  • Artist

Artist's Description

A poem dedicated to all those who slave away at your holiday feast…brought my family many giggles!


funny poetry

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