Confessions of a Whiny Little Bitch (With apologies for the necessary-but-bad language)

I just had another argument with my mother-in-law. It stemmed, like all of our arguments, from the fact that she blames me for all of her son’s faults. Now, I love my partner deeply and with an abiding passion, but I am awake to the fact that he does have faults – annoying things like never cleaning the bathroom, always choosing the music to put on the lounge room stereo, never washing the dishes.

Now I discover that my mother-in-law blames me for all of these things. Do you want to know what is more annoying than being blamed for something you aren’t responsible for? Try being blamed for something that not only isn’t your fault, but which annoys the crap out of you as well.

I was sitting on the tram silently fuming about the injustice of the situation when I realised something – I was behaving like a whiny little bitch. You know those people you just can’t stand, whose first action when faced with adversity is to whine about how unfair it is in a this-is-typical, this-always-happens-to-me kind of a way? You sit there consoling them while secretly thinking that if this happens all the time, it is obviously a personality flaw, not just the bad luck they claim.

These people are Whiny Little Bitches.

I have a few life rules. One of them is to never write when depressed (not for any spiritual reason, just because the stuff tends to be crap), never make excuses and don’t get bitter and whiny over bad situations like a Whiny Little Bitch.

As I discovered today, telling oneself in the middle of a sulk that one is acting like a Whiny Little Bitch doesn’t really help the situation. All it does is make oneself feel even more self-pity in a this-is-so-unfair-and-I-can’t-even-whine-about-it kind of way.
This is why I think our culture should have a Whine allowance. We should all be allocated, via some kind of Big Brother type cranial computer chip thing that they will no doubt introduce soon, one Whine per year: one conversation where we are allowed to say, ‘This happened to me and it’s JUST NOT FAIR!’ without danger of appearing like a whiny little bitch. By limiting it to just one event annually, people would have to recognise that whining is not a habit, freeing them up to say, ‘Yeah, that sucks.’ Just once a year, every person would receive recognition that the thing which pissed them off does indeed suck, that it is not fair and life shouldn’t be like that. Then, feeling supported and assured that they were a whole person despite their little tantrum, everybody could move on.

I’m not saying that anything could or should be done to right the injustice that caused the tantrum in the first place. That is only part of the situation. Being able publicly whine about it without appearing as a Whiny Little Bitch would help the healing process immeasurably.

The bonus would be that all the genuine Whiny Little Bitches would be restricted to their quota of one a year, so they would have to either choose their whine carefully and become more thoughtful, well-rounded people as a consequence, or would blab out their whine on the first day of each new year and get it over with in one go (and if it was set to New Year’s Day, everyone else would be too hung over to really give a damn, thus saving them from a lengthy conversation with a Whiny Little Bitch).
How to implement this? Well, the aforementioned Big Brother chip has the advantage that we could program the chip to give a sharp electric shock to the whiner who runs over quota, policing the system and providing everyone with the pleasure of seeing people who really annoy them shrieking in pain. Of course, it does have the disadvantage that everyone would be stuck with a Big Brother monitoring device in them, but there are drawbacks to every plan.

Until then, or until my in-laws go away again, I am in serious danger of turning into a Whiny Little Bitch.

Confessions of a Whiny Little Bitch (With apologies for the necessary-but-bad language)


North Fitzroy, Australia

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