HOLDFAST

The morning woke before her as the frigid snowy air made its way through the frail window stripping, and onto her face. Taking her back to their moment…oh so long ago. She was waiting. A little cafe in their small town. He had missed her so. Would he tell her though? Sipping her coffee she looks through the window. It’s warm inside but she’ll never shake off the chill. Freezing hands on warm coffee will never sustain like he could.
Talk of business and responsibility, banging plates and cups collide in an ever-steady hum that she barely notices. Lost in her own world, she’s feeling her heart pound in expectation and unbreakable nervousness. Barely keeping her composure she stares into oblivion and imagines the scene to come.

Attempting regardless of reality to believe it will turn out in her favor. Seconds pass in an endless string of ticks, matching per beat her racing heart. People are coming and going. Cars are passing and sloshing snow carelessly across the road. Her face is resting on her soft fist. She’s trying to seem unaffected. Memories begin to flood in, crowding her already overwhelmed spirit. Looking out the window she sees his truck coming down the small embankment into the restaurants’ parking lot. Blood is pumping and coursing even faster; unreal as it seems possible.

She looks at him but he doesn’t see. Immediately she turns to her coffee and gives herself a pep talk. You can face this. You can handle this. Be brave. God just be brave. He makes his way to the door. The doorbell seems to ring proudly announcing her soul mate’s arrival. He stares straight back to the furthest wall of the cafe. He finds her face, her eyes. He Locks dead on them as his breath leaves him temporarily. His footsteps echo with vibration in his mind. She stands to greet him. Such a confusing emotion, the fighting of mind and soul. He grabs her regardless of her coming decision and holds her so tightly. Sound fails to exist in their combined company. Her mouth forms a sorrowful pout as she fights to the emotional depths not to cry. Holding her face in his hands and smiling uncontrollably he says “hi angel.”

She touches his hand on her face and closes her eyes in an attempt to have this moment permanently implanted. For the first time since their tragic ending 11 years ago they haven’t felt alone. He leads her gently to sit down. He has so much to tell her. So much that she doesn’t want to know but needs to. He is married and a father of three. News she was all but aware of. She had her life with him planned from the beginning. Losing her soul 11 years ago devastated her dreams. Only now was she finding out to what extent it had done so. She wanted to be the mother of his children, nurture him, protect him, and love him so deep it out shines them all; like the gleam of a lighthouse on raging stormy seas. Their conversation becomes strained as she learns his news. He was still in love with her. He told her of his thoughts and his love; his never-ending love.

Regret spilled forward from him as he wraps his hands around hers. He wished he could find the words. God so did she. Her mouth trembled as tears streamed down her gorgeous face. Like their love ended only yesterday, it was completely unbearable. She looked up and stared into nothingness, knowing what’s right yet not wanting to care about it. She wanted to be close to him, touch him. She exhaled and told him that he needed to go back to her and that the happiness of four other lives would not pay the cost for their own. Looking towards the table he’s thinking about the possibilities. Thinking of a way, only it was a way she would never succumb to. She stands, looks at him then looks away. Looking back in her bravest moment ever she tells him “a million oceans will never carry away my love for you.” She holds his eyes and her tears then turns to leave. Now he is at the far end of the small town cafe watching her leave him forever. Every particle of his being is filled with morbid regret.

The jukebox plays a perfect devastating melody. Years later she’s reading at her window seat. The day is just as it was when she last saw him. Turning the pages she slips into her own thoughts and memories of moments permanently implanted. Her quiet street rarely motions of noise but on this day, on this glorious day his truck approaches her drive. That was many years ago. Now much older she’s a proud grandmother and accomplished writer. Yes the years do pass by even if you don’t want them to. That day he came to her, she knew it was forever. He is sleeping next to me as the frigid snowy air makes its way through our window onto my face. Taking me back to the moment that I thought I had lost him forever.

I’m looking out my window hoping this story comes true for I know he is “out there” loving me to this very day, minute and second. My love you know who you are. HOLDFAST!

HOLDFAST

Cisternachyli

Joined January 2008

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