as far as you are

As you are far
Far to a far off land
That you
And I
Do not know anything of

We have known each other
Since our youth
Grew up together
Me walking to your house
You walking to mine
As the years past
We held hands and walked together

To the open fields
Laying down in the grass
Talking and laughing for hours
Day in and day out
Closer we grew
The older we became
Even though we were just teens
Lying there talking
About our future together

Then on day a letter came addressed to you
Telling you
You were to leave
Drafted
That moment changed you

When we walked to the field hand in hand
You were silent
A pretend laugh
A pretend smile
As we lye in the field
Looking at the clouds
Your arm around me
You whispered my name
I turned to look at you
Your eyes
Your silence
You touched my face
Told me of you fate
Of how our plans were changed

For our future
Together
That you had to leave me
We both cried
Something I had never
Seen you do
I loved you
You were to be taken from me
You waited to tell me
As you did not want me to feel pain
Pain you had been feeling alone
Wrapped in your head
As you had seen friends of yours
Leave as well for the same cause
Not a choice
But a duty
What had happened to them?
Since their departures
Missing in action
Shot by enemy fire
Shot by friendly fire
Coming home with out legs
Have we ever
Seen
Heard
Of an outcome
Different
As we looked at each other there that day
Time stood still
Racing thoughts wildly going through our minds
You looked at me
I looked at you
Your hand in my hair
I move my mouth to yours
Both of our faces wet with tears
Sharing each others breath a we kissed
Those moments we lye there
Touching
Feeling
As I lye on my back amongst the grass to pull away from you for a moment
My eyes still meeting yours
Button by button
I released my self from my dress
So you could lye with me
Feel me my skin
All of my skin
How I placed your hands on me
Whispering words to you
All of the things I have wanted to tell you for so long
Be with me
Do not just lye
Do not just touch
Become one with me
Feel all the feelings I have for you
You looked at me with such sadness
If this was to be our last visit to the fields
Our place
All of the things that were not to be
Said or done
Then was the moment
You and me
There in the fields
I had loved you for years
I have walked and lye in this field with you for years
As you entered me I looked up at you
And told you I loved you
Tears from your eyes dropped from your face
And moistened my breast
You could not stop crying
Neither could I

I think of you
About the afternoon we spent
In the fields
Our fields
Before you left
I could not say good bye to you
You could not say goodbye to me
Now
I lye alone in our fields
Where you felt me for the last time
Where we laughed
Where we smiled
Where we touched
Where I told you my dreams
And you told me yours
Where our future was in our hands
And we thought nothing could stop our plans
Where I told you for the first and last time
That I loved you
Now
I lye alone in our fields
I still lay there thinking of your tears
Of my tears
The droplets on my skin
From your tears
It has been months
Since I have heard from you
I push the grass in between my fingers
To try to feel you near me
Once again
I wonder if the clouds
That I can see look as the ones
You can see where you are
So
So far away from me
If you only knew that
A part of you grows inside me
From that last day
A part of you is now
Inside me growing
I hide it from all\
Who see me?
My belly is bigger now
Soon I will not be able to hide it
No matter what I do
I dare not write you
And tell you
I have no idea of your thoughts
What your daily life must be like
It is probably best
You do not know mine
And I not to know yours
When you left
I wrote to you everyday
But the letters are all in a box
Under my bed
A bed you never got to see
As I never saw yours
Nor where you lye at night now
Like our beds
Like our nights and days now
Our future is unknown
To one another
The tears do not stop now
All feels lost
Yet you are with me
But you do not know
I have nightmares of you
In the trenches
With a gun at your side
Huddling for warmth
Why did this have to happen
We had a future
Together
We had a past
Together
I check the mailbox
Everyday
Hoping there is news from you
But not a word since that day in our field
Soon I will have to leave
Before I show too much
Showing what I want to scream so loud
So no matter where you are you can here it
That I carry your child
From that day in our field
I have to leave
But I do not want to leave without our field
Our field
Where our battles were lost
In each other
As when we were together
Nothing else but your eyes
Life beyond our field did not exist
You always made me feel everything was going to be alright
You made me believe
Nothing could stop us
As long as we were together
Your eyes are not looking into mine
Now
I close my eyes to see you near
But now I need to go
Leave our field
The town which we lived
Your hand is no longer here to guide me
Your arms are no longer her to keep me safe
My battles I am left to battle on own
But I leave with a part of you with me
Now and forever
I need to leave to hide what I want to show all
I have my bus ticket , my bag, and my box of letters to you
When my parents awake tomorrow
I will be gone
I have left a note, telling them I had to leave
Not because…
But because I did not want them to worry
And the field will be empty
Only in my mind
The field will live on
I leave hoping you come back safely
Hoping you will search to find me
But I cannot live on hope
I can live and start a new
With your child and me
I dream it’s a boy
That looks like you
Tears need to stop
I need to move on
So your child can have a future
So I can watch him grow
And take care of him
As I only can dream
That I could take care of you
That I can dream it someday could be three
Of us not two
But two for now will have to do
And will keep me strong
So I can go on
As I get on the bus
I sit in a window seat
In the front
So I can watch the fields as we drive
There are so many
My ticket brings me far to a city
Where there are no fields
I dose in and out
Throughout the ride
6 months of you growing inside
The dress I wear today
Shows the love that grows
In my belly
The dress has buttons
Reminding me of that day
In our field
There are so many fields we pass
But it’s not the same
I close my eyes
And think of you holding my hand as the bus drives
Night is falling
It’s starting to rain
Heavy
And heaver
My eyes are not open
I can just hear the rain
As I still sit there one hand on my stomach
One hand out feeling yours
Touching mine
Scratching
Shouting
Screaming
The bus turns over
The box of letters to you flies
Up and around emptying the contents
Words floating on paper thought the bus
The warm rain touches my skin
Like your tears
Pain
A breath
All fades to black

as far as you are

tara chappel

Joined September 2008

  • Artist
    Notes

Artist's Description

love,war,sepoation and…

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