Lexophile Humour

HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES

( Lovers of Words)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger; Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

The biggest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Did you hear about the thief who stole a calendar and got twelve months?

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement and became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell into the upholstery machine was fully recovered.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

A lot of money is tainted: ’Taint yours, and ’Taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge you are in Seine .

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Journal Comments

  • John Conway
  • samedog
  • deliriousgirl
  • Murray Swift
  • Danny
  • Lawford
  • Mel Brackstone
  • AllyL
  • Anne van Alkemade
  • Cathryn Swanson