Knight and Dragon

A twig snapped under the knight’s foot, sending tremors up his entire body, not to mention echoing loudly in the soundless cave. Quietly scolding himself for making such noise, he didn’t notice that he stepped on another twig. This twig made an even louder crack than the last one had.
“Fuck.” said the knight
He then proceeded to step on another three twigs, which with each corresponding crack, he would punctuate with a swear. He then expressly decided to choose his footing more carefully, lest he wake up the dragon, whom he had come all this way to slay. This was his big chance. Everyone he knew thought he was a clumsy dumbfuck, such was his clumsiness and dumbfuckery the knight was ridiculed and laughed right out of his village. This was his chance, in killing the dragon, he could finally bring some honor to his name, and maybe even earn some respect.
Coming deeper into the cave, the knight smelled the dragon before he saw him. It smelled of fire, brimstone and dog feces, though he couldn’t think of why. The knight looked down.
He had stepped in feces.
Cursing silently, the knight beheld the sleeping dragon in all his dragonliness, his shining scales glistened like a thousand red rubies on black velvet. His great nostrils puffed swirling smoke that floated to the ceiling and throughout the cave itself. His horns were so great they made the knight’s dingy pathetic excuse for a sword look like…uh… even more of a dingy pathetic excuse for a sword…times infinity. His tail was long and powerful, as was his neck and magnificent head. His wings were folded and thin much like the sails on a flagship. As he approached the slumbering behemoth, it dawned on the knight that the dragon was easily thirty times his own size. He reconsidered his sword, and he doubted it could satisfactorily clean the dragon’s asshole much less actually kill him. However, this was his honor in question, the knight simply had to try.
With his armored feet clinking slightly on the floor, the knight made his way to the dragon’s head, where he proceeded to raise his sword over his head at an attempt for a deathstroke. As he did so, one great yellow eye opened and looked him in the face, and he heard a powerful, booming voice erupt from the beast’s great maw.
“Well, what are you waiting for? Get on with it.” said the dragon.
The knight cringed, “Shut up beast. These things take time, don’t rush me”
The dragon rolled his eye.
With a loud, bloodthirsty yell, the knight brought his blade down on the dragon’s neck, opening his eyes at the sound of breaking glass, he saw that his hands were empty, and his sword was a pile of shrapnel at his feet. Recognizing his failure, the knight took a deep breath and picked up the biggest piece of the destroyed sword and began to stab at the dragon’s diamond hard hide.
“Why wont you die dragon?” yelled the knight
The dragon sounded quite genuine, “Why don’t you just go back home? Im sorry about your toothpick by the way”
The knight stopped stabbing the dragon to scream at the dragon, “Don’t you see? I cant go back home! I have to kill you to gain some honor! And what would bring me more honor than killing a dragon?” he continued stabbing
The dragon shifted his weight, knocking the knight over in the process, his booming voice rung throughout the cave, “Well tough luck kid, Im not a dragon.”
The knight jumped to his feet, “What? Of course youre a dragon, you even look like a dragon!”
The dragon reared his head, there was barely enough room in the cave to accommodate his full height. His long neck extended downward as he sat on his haunches, his great yellow eyes focused on the tiny knight. His mighty voice rung once more,
“Well, have you ever seen a dragon?”
The knight’s confidence broke at that, “Well, not exactly…”
“Then how do you know what a dragon looks like?”
The knight looked puzzled, “So…youre not a dragon?”
The dragon curled up into a ball once more, “Nope.”
The knight turned red with embarrassment, “Oh, well sorry for the inconvenience.”

As he turned to leave the cave, the knight began to berate himself for bothering that kind creature. He couldn’t do anything right. He was such a loser. He insulted himself out loud as he walked through the forest, so intense were his insults, he ran into a sign shaped like an arrow pointing back toward the cave he just left. The sign was emblazoned with the message:


“But he said he wasn’t a dragon,” said the knight to himself, he looked below the message, it said,


The knight cursed his stupidity, he reread the sign once more, below the add on, there was something else hidden under wear and tear,


Throwing the sign aside, the knight stormed back to the cave. Unarmed, (or armed really, it probably doesn’t matter) this was probably an unwise thing to do, but he wasn’t exactly the sharpest arrow in the quiver. The knight stomped up to the dragon’s monstrous head and punched him right in his bony eyelid. There was a sickening crunch as the knight’s hand broke in his gauntlet. Trying not to cry, he accused the sleeping dragon,
“Hey, you are a dragon! You lied!”
“I mean….yeah. I would have thought you would’ve read the sign,” said the dragon, not opening his eyes
“Well I didn’t read the stupid sign. Now if you would be so kind to kill yourself, I’d be gladly on my way,” said the knight with indignation
The dragon sighed as he twisted his neck to look at the knight, “What’s your name kid?
The knight folded his arms, “My mom told me never to talk to strangers. What’s your name?”
“That’s not a very dragonly name,” said the puzzled knight
“That’s because its not my name dummy,” stated the dragon simply
The knight seethed with anger, “I’m not dumb! I demand to know your name dragon!”
The dragon scoffed, “Fuck, I don’t know, Dragon? I’m a dragon for a Pete’s sake. We don’t have names, we’re not even supposed to be able to talk”
The knight sighed, he obviously was never going to get himself some honor, He walked pathetically in front of the dragon’s mouth, “Well, Im clearly not going to kill you, so you might as well eat me.”
“Ew? Why ew?” asked the knight
“Because you stepped in shit.”, answered the dragon
“Youre not going to eat me because I stepped in shit?” asked the knight incredulously
“I don’t want to eat shit. Would you?”
The knight was silent. He looked at the dragon, and begged, “Please noble dragon, you must eat me. I cannot give myself honor, so maybe you can give me the honor of eating me so that I don’t need to pursue my mission anymore. Maybe then, people would respect me. Even though I was dead, they would think, ‘hey, remember the fool who went to fight the dragon?’ ‘yeah, he was a fool, but he was a brave fool, all the way up until the dragon ate him’ Don’t you see dragon? It’s the only way I can bring honor unto my name! It’s the only way I can bring honor to my family so that were no longer a laughing stock. So please, oh noble mighty beast of fire and wind, devour my body now!”
“That’s a hell of a speech.” said the dragon.
“Then you’ll eat me?” asked the excited knight.
“Of course not. You stepped it shit.”


Knight and Dragon

Shaquille Stewart

Montgomery Village, United States

  • Artist

Artist's Description

Just a story I wrote when I was feeling down in the the dumps.

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