Journal

And so the final part is complete. Be warned, it's rather long and pretty pathetic

Drowning, not sinking. This is where I find myself today. Parts One and Two may describe my futile grasping at the sides of the great aspie cavern as I plummet, weighed down by abuse and being taken advantage of, but at long last my journey is at an end. Final moments, or a final gasp of air before the ripples obliterate my ever having lived?…

Some of you (if indeed anyone has had the stamina or the will to continue reading) may be thinking that this confession-trilogy is just self-seeking, self-pitying, petty lashing out et al, but you would be wrong. My only purpose of writing this is to explain why I find myself here, and to unburden what I have been carrying on my too weary shoulders, hidden due to how my autism was ‘treated’ as a child. But what of here and now… where I find myself to

And so onto Part 2...from there to here

When I began writing this latest post it was my original intention to open myself up over what I have been through these last few years. What instead happened was a much longer expose covering my autism, and its impact upon me which has lead up to the more recent pains. I guess it is unavoidable, as I am my autism and my autism is me. So here is the second part of what I wanted to share. Some of it very personal and as yet not shared with anyone, and the rest uncomfortable for those who were close to me.…

Having touched upon my childhood and how I became who I am today, I will skip forward to the 21st century, with flashbacks where necessary. Why jump to this century? Because this is where my current travails find their genesis, with tragedy, betrayal, illness and a return to suicidal tend

The beginning of the end, the toil of being autistic

It’s been a while since I updated this blog, so please be patient if I start to ramble. The intervening period has been a difficult one. Depression, suicide attempts, loss and emptiness were my only companions at that time. So, does my writing today mean that a page has turned for the better?…

Sadly, no.

I am tired. Scratch that…I am exhausted. And I don’t mean the “been up all night and haven’t slept” tired, nor the “been carrying rocks uphill all day” tired, nor even the “just had twins and they won’t stop crying” tired. No, my fatigue is because I have been struggling for over 50 years to adapt and survive in a world that neither accepts nor wants me. Despite adapting and persevering, it has been overwhelming – so there would come a time when it would be beyond my strength to continue.

A (politically correct) seasonal wish ;-)

Please accept with no obligation, implicit or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with total respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, and their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great (not to imply the Britain is nec…

A (politically correct) seasonal wish ;-)

Please accept with no obligation, implicit or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with total respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, and their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all… and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great (not to imply the Britain is n…

Wow!... I passed the 1000 views mark and never noticed

A huge thank you to all you wonderful Bubblers out there… I’ve had 1140 views already. This and all the features I’ve been awarded have really blown me away. I seem to spending more and more time on here and have not visited dA for ages… it seems that RB has a much better vibe.

I’m not only impressed with the attention I’ve been receiving, but also at the high standard of work on here. I’m in a talented community which makes the kind words even more meaningful.

Thank you all

Jan

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