maybe we only obsess over the relationships that feel unfinished

If you know for sure that the relationship is finished, whether it mutual or you broke it off or the other person, you’ll be sad for a while, even if it’s just a sort of unsureness about what to do next, but then it quickly stops being something you think about. You even start to forget it and it’s just another thing that happened way back when that you can look back at either with fondness or embarrassment.

But if something just stops, and you don’t get your closure, and it doesn’t feel like it’s over and there are still a million and one things left unsaid, you’re stuck, right? You’re stuck there, wondering what happened, maybe wondering what you did wrong. Wondering if things could have been different if you’d just done one tiny thing different or if you’d just said those few unspoken words before the moment passed you by, would it have changed the outcome? People thrive on closure, because it’s safe and they’re not left with a world of ‘what if’s swarming through their minds, invading their thoughts in the dark right before you slip into sleep, or when you’re finally alone after all day of talking to people and the silence is just bombarded with questions.

And that unfinished relationship—friendship, romantic, whatever it may be—is still there, in the back of your mind, waiting to come back and absorb your thoughts in any sort of down time. Obsessing. That’s what it is, you’re obsessing over the unknown. And truthfully, you have every right to. Everyone does it, even in things that aren’t as personal and emotional. Political figures obsess over how to run the country, how to keep people safe, how to do this or that. Scientists obsess over finding the reason for everything out there and why it is as it is. Even when you’re that little kid and you ask a question that no one wants to answer, you’ll do everything in your power to find out what the answer is from asking the same person repeatedly or finding someone else or something else to answer it

You’re feeling the hopelessness consume you. That feeling of not being good enough is quick becoming familiar. You wonder where everything went wrong, and your little inner turmoil is fast taking over your life because you just can’t focus for long on anything else. You’re angry at he or she for leaving, your frustrated with them for doing this to you and with yourself for letting this happen. It seems like you’re the only person in the world who this is happening to. You’re not. I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re not really that special. Loads of people go through this, and not only that, but it does get better. It could take days, weeks, months, even years, but it does get better.

But while you’re still under the addicting influence of that one person who you simultaneously hate and like, or even love, while you loathe what they’ve done to you, while you can’t stand seeing them replacing you with someone else but you keep searching them out in a crowd anyway, don’t let them see how much it affects you, yeah? Throw on a smile, even if it’s fake, square your shoulders, and just keep walking. They don’t deserve your sadness, but if you still aren’t entirely better, don’t let them know that, okay? One day, you’ll search them out in the crowd because it’s become a habit, and you’ll notice that your heart doesn’t skip a beat anymore, your palms don’t get sweaty anymore, it doesn’t bother you to see them with someone else anymore. And that fake smile will be real.

All of those quotes you see, those things that people tell you, they just irritate you. You want to be left alone to get over all of this in your own way and that is perfectly normal. Good, even. It’s wonderful that you want to do this by yourself. It means you’re strong, it means you’re independent, it means you will actually be able to get over this little obsession of yours. In your own time. I wish you luck.

Journal Comments

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