Pain in Rainbows

Birgitta   †

Joined December 2011

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Artist's Description

Webcam photography digitally rendered pop-art fauvist on stone. Yes, you read that correctly! (Self portrait) Ever changing up my style, I thought I’d sit down with some tea, my GIMP (keep it G-rated, Billyboy ;), a stack of my B&W photos (a strong shot of Radiohead) and see where it took me.

I’ve finished school for the summer, and have the whole summer to lounge around in my pj’s! I have missed all of you so much and especially your work. I can’t wait to catch up, have some tea and simply kick back and soak up all of the talent around here. I’m continually inspired by you guys. :)

I wasn’t prepared to share such a private part of myself with, well, the whole world- but then I thought, when have I not? I’m unabashedly direct and truly wear my heart on my sleeve. So, I have some staggering news to share and will just come right out and say it.

As many of you know, I’ve been assaulted by smashing migraines for the better (or worst) part of two and a half years now. They last for three and four days, and make giving birth look like a cake walk. I can’t even describe the amount of pain I endure for days on end. I don’t say this for pity. And although I’m fiercely private, I’m also giving, and think sharing my life and experiences can be beneficial for some of you, and vice versa.

I went in recently for an MRI and was diagnosed with an arachnoid cyst on my brain. It’s a nasty little thing that attaches itself to the brain stem at times. These past few months have been particularly difficult and I’ve spent a good deal of my time crying and hitting my knuckles into various parts of my head. Again, the pain is like nothing I’ve ever endured. It feels like somebody has shot me in the head, smashed the back of my head in with a baseball bat, and is stabbing me in the front right eye socket- all at the same time. Good times!

I spent the first two days crying, after my diagnosis. But then something amazing happened. My heart started melting. I was sitting by the bank of the river last month, and a flurry of gossamer went floating by. The sun kissed the water and it was shimmering like diamonds. I thought of my children. And I was smiling. I wasn’t aware of the tears streaming down both cheeks. And I thought of God.

I suddenly became aware of just how fragile we all are. One minute we can be here in this incredible life-filled world- the next, sleeping forever.

Things started changing real fast! Because the tears came easier, so did laughter. :) I once again felt like a child inside, living moment by moment and it was completely liberating! Chains of uncertainty fell off of me that day, and sunk to the bottom of the river. Life took on a new meaning. Everything became precious and beautiful and so very rich.

I made up my mind right there, that there was no room for self pity, and that I was going to approach the matter scientifically. And so I have.

I also wanted to express my pain through art. I realize that when we take control of something potentially frightening- we cut off its head. It can’t rule over us anymore. We “slay the dragon”. :) So, that’s what this is all about.

Pain in rainbows.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and, again, I love you guys. :)
xo

-Birgitta

Artwork Comments

  • Trish Woodford
  • Birgitta   †
  • Thomas Eggert
  • Birgitta   †
  • anaisanais
  • Birgitta   †
  • Mel Brackstone
  • Birgitta   †
  • Ekaterina Menkova
  • Birgitta   †
  • Mel Brackstone
  • Lisa  Jewell
  • Birgitta   †
  • billyboy
  • Birgitta   †
  • AmandaWitt
  • Birgitta   †
  • AmandaWitt
  • Birgitta   †
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait

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