Continued Addiction

Day two of my commitment to write down and share with the world (or at least the one or two people who read this – feels pretty safe that way :-) regularly this life-challenge of mine.

I spent much of the day reading up on all the books I could buy about food addiction. Who knew the list would be endless? And that each book promises to be The Answer that I’ve searched for so long and hard? Go figure. I have a library of diet books, all of which make the same promise.

I’m thinking that I’m going to have to make my own way. Maybe I’ll find the answers I’m looking for through all the research and the writing of my feelings, interpretations, etc. I could write the next best-selling weight loss book – you could be the first to read the profound words of a famous writer!

Yeah I know.

Some thoughts cruising through this little brain of mine: during my poking around for food addiction info, I came across the anti-christ of the last theory I read. Admittedly, I only read the detailed synopses of her book, but in it she advises that we stand in front of a mirror and look at our naked selves and explore and become familiar with how we look — all for the purpose of – get this – loving and accepting ourselves.

We’re admonished to weigh ourselves TWICE a day, morning and night. And here I thought my once-a-day date with the scales (so I can find out whether to hate or love myself) was sick. Normal people don’t spend that much time worrying about what the scales say. But TWICE?? And at night? When I weigh a full 5 pounds more than I do in the morning? I don’t think so.

We’re advised to have someone take a whole bunch of pictures of ourselves, standing, sitting, bending over, from every angle. Why? So we can clearly see what everyone else sees when they look at us. IS SHE FOR REAL?

And it’s through these exercises that we’ll learn to love ourselves? I must be missing something here. Again, maybe if I spent $14.95 and read the whole book, it’d make sense to me. And also, to be fair, I did read some really interesting stuff she wrote about the rituals around eating that we addicts create, that are all part of the addiction (like smoking, or toking, or whatever drug). She had some interesting concepts about interupting the addiction rituals, and thus eventually gaining control over the addiction.

Well, right now is my usual binge time. Tim went to bed, I’m all alone. I already had my binge today, though. Had a healthy day today, other than the sweet tooth attack and the giant batch of homemade Oatmeal Scotchies, of which I ate way too many. That was this afternoon.

I ordered a couple of compulsive eating self-help books from the library that I read about on Amazon.com. They both had very positive reviews. I’ll give them a gander for free – maybe photocopy anything worth keeping. Don’t know why I haven’t done this all along.

I’m actually very sleepy, and if I can wrap this up, get up from this chair, walk out of this room and across the hall to the bedroom and crawl in bed without detouring into the kitchen, it would be a good thing. My stomach’s actually growling (my sensible dinner was hours ago), and it’d be awfully easy to talk myself into just a bite of something … maybe just one or two cookies?

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AT ONE COOKIE!!! I know that.

Wish me luck.

Journal Comments

  • Sean Farragher