Amazing Christmas Toyz !!

OK. So I totally understand and appreciate that Christmas is a time of joy with family and friends… a time when we re-unite with those we love no matter how busy and neglectful we’ve been the rest of the year. A time to feast and even overindulge (in a GOOD way of course :-) and appreciate what we’ve got no matter how little we may actually have, and a time to thank God for his blessings even if there have been some times over the year that they’ve been pretty farken well disguised :-/

But Christmas is also a time when we give and receive presents, and this has always been an important part of the Funk family Christmas. Even to the extent that we put off buying some of the big stuff till the end of the year just so we can give them as gifts. And I know I say it every year, but THIS year was definitely the most wicked of ‘em all with respect to that so there’s no WAY I’m not gonna share some of the cool stuff I got in my stocking… having been such a good boy during the rest of the year (crosses fingers tightly behind back…)

For example…
Here’s something my wife Bev got for me in Montreal while visiting daughter Melanie and her hubby Art when he took us to the Montreal Canadiens’ stadium last summer. It’s not only a souvenir puck, but it’s an official GAME puck that was actually used during a match… with scuff marks, hockey stick paint and blood and bits of the away team’s skin and stuff. Wow. It doesn’t get much cooler than THAT !!

And here’s a cool one from Sue & Jeff, our friends from the UK who spent the day with us (and did an amazing job at helping us to seriously overindulge…)
It’s a machine that actually makes guitar picks ! You simply take your wife’s credit card, stick it under the pick-shaped cut out and squeeze the handle and PRESTO !! A guitar pick that actually means more than a silly piece of anyone else’s credit card :-)
Rock & ROLL !!!

Now anyone who knows me well knows I got a thing about fish. Well, I’ve also got a thing about lizards. So when I opened this puppy it definitely needed a prominent place in the living room… so I wasted no time in hanging it on the side of our (color coordinated natch) CD rack.
Cool, yeah?

When Sue & Jeff come to ours, it’s customary that Jeff brings me something that will make me go clinically blind by the end of the evening. This bottle of J. Daniels Silver Select didn’t quite manage to do that… but it wasn’t for lack of trying !
WOW that stuff is nuclear !!!

Now here’s something really cool from sister Barb…
What’s Bongo? I asked her that myself.
Turns out it’s a book you buy, in this case all about places where they brew special beers in Belgium. So you buy the book (she wouldn’t divulge for how much :-), decide which place looks the most like it’s gonna get you totally pissed with free samples, and book an all inclusive tour for free !!!
I’m gonna have SO much fun lookin’ through this…

If you’ve never watched True Blood I’m afraid you won’t totally get this. But if you have, then chances are this will blow you away almost as seriously as it did me !!
You know the way they make their fangs click into place when they get hungry for neck? That’s exactly what these do. You fit them to your own chops by heating the plastic modeling stuff and biting down… then once they’re in place, you just flick the tab with your tongue and they flick down, complete with sound FX. Amazingly authentic.
So natch I needed a place to store them… no, NOT in a water filled glass on the night table (I ain’t actually a granddad quite yet…)

OK, now here’s something totally off-the-wall…
Also from sista Barb (who actually knows better than most how weird I actually am…)
It’s a voodoo doll. Complete with pins. And what makes THIS voodoo doll unique is that you can put a picture in the plastic pouch where the face should be. Which means you can choose who you want to suffer (or ultimately DIE) and change it depending on who’s at the top of your shitlist at any given moment.
You’ll notice it’s still got the face that came with it… which means I’m still flying on Christmas cheer and good will. Just wait till mid January…
Gotta feeling people are gonna be treating me LOTS nicer than usual :-))

This might not be the weirdest thing on my list, but it’s definitely one of the most important. My photo printer packed in ages ago. Of course I can order prints from RB, which I will still do when I need something larger than A4, but there’s nothing like the convenience of being able to print lab quality pictures at home. This thing is awesome. Not only is the quality on photo paper stunning with 6 color ink cartridges… but it also copies and scans and it works on WiFi and email so even if I’m in Hong Kong and need to print instructions on how to feed the cat, I can simply text the neighbor to go upstairs and pick ‘em up… thus saving the cat’s life. Don’t we just live in amazing times?
Epson XP-750. Not even expensive :-)

I also love watches. I’ve got over 30 at the mo… nothing outlandishly valuable, but most are cool beyond belief. So when Bev asked me what was my fave pressie of all (BTW, all this includes my birthday pressies as that event happened on the 23rd :-), my reply was kind of a no-brainer. Specially as it’s got a skull !! (OK, maybe a bit cause SHE got it for me :-)
It’s a Swatch, and it’s white… which is already cool cause surprisingly I didn’t actually have a white one. And it’s got THREE extra dials that I don’t even know what they do yet… how cool is THAT !
Think I’m gonna save this puppy for EXTRA special occasions. Like that trip to Hong Kong…

Now here’s something I thought I’d never have…
Those “Compare The Market” commercials with the Meerkats.

I can’t get enough of those. And last year found out that they do the characters in stuffed toy so I really got excited !!
Trouble is, you’ve got to buy the insurance to get one. No exceptions. Even if you have sex with the company director. (this was actually not an option anyways as it’s a guy and he’s way too old…)
BUT… leave it to Bev’s resourcefulness, she found Alexander on eBay AND she won the bid !!!
So he’s now sharing a coveted space with Rhana’s Tassie Devils (both single and double headed:-)) and so far they’re getting on like houses on bush fire !!

But of all these absolutely amazing gifts, there one that’s got to stand out for its sheer karma per Euro value. And any Dr. Who fan will recognize this immediately…
It’s an authentic scale replica of the Sonic Screwdriver as used by Matt Smith in the series. And it actually lights up green, makes the exact same sound as the original… AND the extension flicks open at the press of a button !!
Got a feeling there’s lotsa shit gonna get fixed round the house that I wouldn’ta been able to fix before. Now THAT’s cool.

So yes, I had an amazing Christmas.
But I gotta say that Bev didn’t do badly herself.
Said she wanted to learn electric guitar…in fact all she really had to do was THINK it for me to jump at the chance.
Being a bass player, the Funk household was seriously lacking in electric 6-strings.
I wanted to get her a Custom Shop Fender Tele, but hey, we ain’t exactly made of cash.
Thing is, you can pay 1.600 for an Telecaster made in the US by Mexicans… or you can pay a fraction of that for one made in Mexico by Mexicans. Other than that the diff is negligible. Finishing and set up are excellent, and it’s still got more karma than buying a cheap asian model. Candy apple red with maple fingerboard. This axe is the bee’s bollocks !!
Might even learn to play it myself :-)

OK, I know this is a LONG journal and if you managed to stick it out till now, bless you.
But there’s one last item worth mentioning as cats play a very big part in BB’s life…
Sister Barb’s cats Smeagol & Deagol actually pitched in to get uncle Scratchy a gift.
It’s a fine white mouse (he got a gray mouse too but doesn’t really give a rat’s butt about that one :-) and he loves it to absolute MEGA bits !!
Played with it for 3 mins and got plum tuckered out…
Hey c’mon, he’s 16. Give him a break, yeah?

So that’s about it. It WAS the most amazing Christmas ever, the whole day from start to finish. And I didn’t even lose sight of the true meaning of the event. Even though the Silver Select kept LOUDLY whispering stuff in my other ear that might have pulled me astray if it weren’t such a good person deep down (still tightly crossin’ those fingerz…)

All of which leaves me to pass onto you the real reason I posted all this cheesy stuff:
I wish every one of you a New Year filled with everything that makes you smile, whether it be a field of flowers processed in HDR with a timelessly romantic texture layer… or Barbie and Ken drowning their pet Guinea Pig in the toilet (you guys know who you are…)
And more to the point, a New Year filled with love, peace and artistic passion.

Big hugz,

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