There is a stocking missing from above our tree...

For most Christmas is a time of joy, celebration…it’s all about family and of course the children.

For me it’s a nightmare…each day that my children count down brings me closer and closer to the day that my baby died.

Tonight as I was wrapping presents, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces as I watched Ty playing with the presents stacking them carefully in size order (he’s a bit anal!!) and I couldn’t help but remember last Christmas…

Axel loved the bright paper and I spent hours every day scolding him for unwrapping presents…so much so that when it came to Christmas Morning and we sat all the presents in front of him, he refused to open them thinking he was going to be scolded again!

The ache in my heart at times is unbearable…it becomes hard to breathe… impossible to go on. How could I have lost such a precious part of me and continue to be?

He was vibrant, naughty, and the light of all of our lives.

There is a stocking missing from above our tree and a gaping hole in our hearts.

I want to thank my family here at Redbubble…without you this year would have been unbearable.

To John who messages me EVERY day to check up on me.

To Rose who makes me laugh and drags me around Sydney on one escapade after another. And who created me my very own angel to watch over us.

To Bill, my partner in crime and business…he has listened to me rant, rave and cry. Thank you.

To Boz, you know why.

To Stuart and Jeff for bringing me up when I am so incredibly down. Just reading your journal entries often make my day…

To Kellie who created the most amazing image for me and my family.

And to all the rest of you who have given images and written works in Axel’s honour. I am blessed.

Here are just a few…

The last image here was a construction site wall in Inner Sydney that Jeff Hamilton painted in dedication to Axel while his funeral was being held. We now have a major portion of that wall in our shed at home thanks to the generosity of the construction company!

This Boxing Day at 10.10am we will be planting a mandarin tree in Axel’s honour. It would be lovely to think that my Redbubble family will be there with me also.

Please send some really huge hugs/thoughts our way this Boxing Day.


The Door by Me

Imagine if you will, a door
There is nothing special about this door
Its white, with a handle at its centre
Just like any other door
Imagine now that the door swings open
Revealing a field of flowers
Spread as far as the eye can see
Imagine then that there is a path
Which winds its way through the field
Meandering here and there
With no real purpose
And on the path is a gorgeous little boy
His golden hair is mussed in the wind
And his laughter rings out to you across the field
You start to call out to him
To call him back
But he is on a journey
To places where you can’t follow
Your heart breaks realising you must let him go
That he is strong and brave
Embarking on a never-ending adventure
Gently you close the door
Knowing that you can open it at any time
To watch him, to remember
With tears streaming down your face
You whisper “Be safe little one”

Axel Matthew Moore
My angel, on a never ending adventure riding motorbikes.
22nd September 2006 – 26th December 2007

Journal Comments

  • StuartChapman
  • Sarah Moore
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  • LittleHelen
  • Sarah Moore
  • Mike Emmett
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  • Sleek Images
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  • Jeff  Burns
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  • roybarry
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  • Darren Stones
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  • bodymechanic
  • Sarah Moore
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  • Sarah Moore