Joined July 2007

Bernd Talasch doesn’t remember being hatched in a research laboratory in Omaha in the late 1950s so maybe that never happened....

BIFA Awards 2012

The British Independent Film Awards are held on a roadside outside a London Hotel each year. Last year, it was so poor (weather- and light- wise) I never bothered to post the journal, even though Ralph Fienness and several other notables attended. This year… fine, I’ll document the madness.

We start with…. I don’t know who this is. The lack of streetlighting means the Nikon (which I’m using instead of the Pentax for High-ISO reasons) whitebalance doesn’t really know what to do.

“No, dear boy. I have no idea what kind of wand would choose you” John Hurt indulgently signs for fans.

Billy Connolly arrives, looking well-kempt but confused about the lack of security, red carpet, and a disproportionate number of Members Of The Public hanging out in front of the Hotel.

Terence Stamp gets mobbed by dealers, who have now figured out that if there are Crowd Control Barriers but no security, then there may as well be no barriers. Many of them are a55holes, but nobody has ever accused them of being totally stupid.

Young Ellie Fanning brought her own security detail – a single dude standing to her right. Needless to say, the dealers saw the flaw in that.

The dude from The Hobbit wasn’t somebody the dealers recognised (I think they might have been swamping Tom Hiddleson at that point). Things had gotten bad enough at this stage, that some of the Dealers were complaining about the actions of the Dealers in swarming around stars. They … didn’t catch the irony of this. They may be cunning but they’re hardly sophisticated.

Hold pose. Look awesome. It really is that simple.

Another guy from The Hobbit? Meanwhile, somebody asked the security At The Door why they weren’t doing anything. They explained that their jurisdiction only extended to the inside of the hotel. So once again, be advised : people everywhere are pricks.

Tom Hiddleston all but jogged to avoid the mob after doing a good 10-15 mins of signing. Sadly, not all the people mobbing him were fans, and those were some of the people he jogged past. Bit of a shame, really. I’ve never gotten his autograph.

And just in case you thought things couldn’t get any more retardedly uncivilised, Noomi Rapace gets surrounded by zombies. I would have helped but I felt honourbound to stay prepared should Charlize Theron show up. Also, you know… if you get bitten you’re infected.

Meanwhile, Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter films) needs to investigate a Rugby career, because he scythed through the ranks of dealers with great skill

An hour in, somebody finally called out some security. To use an analogy : The Horse? Bolted. Then it came back and freed more horses. Then they left. Then they came back to pick up some stuff in a hired van. Then they drove off. And THEN THE STABLE DOOR WAS CLOSED. Anyway, Jude Law arrives, signs a bit, then leaves. As do I.

edited to add : Jared Harris (Moriarty in Sherlock Holmes Game of Shadows). “You want me to do that thing where I beat you in a fight before it even starts? Dude… I did that four minutes ago. You’re lying bleeding in a gutter right now”

So overall, this was an experience. To a certain extent, I blame the Dealers, but you know what? They’re a bunch of animals who behaved like animals. It’s like… if you leave your front door open and somebody steals your stuff, YES it’s theft. But …. you kind of know Bad People are out there, so you kind of have to lock your doors. Similar here – you know how Dealers are, and yet had no security. Well… it’s not like the Dealers acted unpredictably.

It just sucks for Real Fans who actually came to meet people, and had their experience ruined by these scum, and had to write things like This Blog Post .

Anyway, that’s it for 2012. If you’re after photos from the premieres of Jack Reacher, The Hobbit and The Double, y’all are going to have to look elsewhere, sadly. But (hopefully) Until Next time in 2013!!

Have a great Christmas and New Year!

Journal Comments

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