Joined July 2007

Bernd Talasch doesn’t remember being hatched in a research laboratory in Omaha in the late 1950s so maybe that never happened....

The Magic Mike XXL premiere

As usual, this is a smaller version of the full-sized premiere journal which I keep at My Own Website at

It’s been over two and a half weeks since my last premiere – a bloc of three in three days featuring The Cast of the TV-series-now-Movie ‘Entourage’, Magneto hugging Picard at ‘Mr Holmes’ and Sandra Bullock at the premiere of the animated movie ‘Minions’. What have I been doing in the meantime? Well… as long as you don’t ask any follow-up questions, I’ve been fighting crime.

But of course the forces of evil can wait a few hours when there’s a premiere on. Here’s a subset sample of how it went down:

The crowd at this premiere is skewed about 85% female, and I suspect this might be why. Sadly, I am not capable of presenting quite this kind of body to members of the opposite sex. For one thing, I’m not two dimensional and monochrome

This is why I’M at this premiere. Amber Heard, who I last photographed with husband Johnny Depp at the premiere of Mortdecai earlier this year.

“Sure, I can sign that poster. But you do realise I’m not actually IN Guardians of the Galaxy”. According to, not even one of Jada Pinkett Smith’s four most well-known roles is for two-thirds of The Matrix Trilogy.

Adam Rodriguez is in this movie, and is not Amber Heard. But his jacket’s gridline pattern is helping my Pentax K3 focus (the preferred – and older – K5 is currently receiving medical treatment for injuries sustained at a non-premiere altercation)

“I can take my shirt off and show my abs anytime, anywhere, Gladys. The male body is BEAUTIFUL, Gladys” Gregory Jacobs is the director of Magic Mike XXL

“You guys think I’m Channing Tatum, don’t you?” The vest is very fetching, even to a sworn T-Shirt wearer such as myself. But this is emmy-award-winning Matt Bomer, arguably best known for being in the sadly mostly forgotten 2010 movie “In Time”

“Staring contest. Right here. Right now”. Amber Heard is best known for being sensationally and spectacularly pretty, and sadly not being my girlfriend

Amber Heard is one of those people who is so staggeringly beautiful I have trouble remembering what she looks like because there appear to be no actual flaws or imperfections that make her face otherwise memorable. ….. I suppose I should have saved this pretty awesome compliment for somebody not currently married to Johnny Depp….

Some days a romantic haiku just ain’t enough to win the heart of a fair maiden. Haikus are underrated. (Alternatively, I could set to work on a nine-volume epic poem describing Amber Heard’s beauty… but I really would need some assurance that in this day and age this strategy might work. In my favour, I mean…)

Meanwhile, on the subject of “arrivals at this premiere who are not Amber Heard” – I don’t care who this is. (Edited to add : Joe Manganiello. Best known for arriving after Amber Heard at this premiere)

Time to put on those industrial-grade noise-cancelling headphones…. lead actor Channing Tatum has arrived, and is looking dapper. I repeat : Dapper.

Channing Tatum is who everyone without a Y-chromosome is here to see at this premiere. Alterntively – the high-pitched screaming is drowning out the sound of the low-pitched screaming, if there is any.

“The heckling from the crowd is making me uncomfortable. Did I say ‘uncomfortble’? I meant ‘making me feel really good about myself’ "

As usual, the larger journal, With more Amber Heard! And more Channing Tatum – if you’re into that sort of thing, is here

Until next time!

Journal Comments

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