Joined July 2007

Bernd Talasch doesn’t remember being hatched in a research laboratory in Omaha in the late 1950s so maybe that never happened....

'The Hobbit : Battle of the Five Armies" World Premiere

First, I missed the 2012 Hobbit premiere because I was in Australia and the premiere was in London. Then I missed the 2013 Hobbit premiere because I was in London and the premiere was in Berlin.

And this time the premiere was on a Monday and people had been camping out from the previous THURSDAY, while I was going to be in (of all countries) Germany until the Sunday evening the night before.

This was going to be tricky.

So I got to Leicester Square early on Monday morning, to find that 1,600 wristbands had already been given out for the premiere a day earlier, and the queue for an unknown number of the remainder was over 100 people long at 6:30am…. and 400 by the time I returned at 11am.

For now, I found a spot alongside one of 3 separate queues for wristband holders, of whom I was not one. And no, my plan was not to distract my friend Mo (who had #1079) and either subtly steal and remove his wristband… or his arm at the elbow with the small Swiss Army knife. (We’re friends… and there are medics nearby to help staunch the blood flow)

The setup for this premiere is huge, stretching across two full ‘arms’ emanating from a giant stage. My monopd has a camera with a wide-angle lens on it and I can certainly take photos like this type all evening… but I’m even more hopeful that my angled view of the stage is enough for even better shots.

Sylvester McCoy plays the earth-loving, weed-smoking Radagast the Brown in all three Hobbit movies.

“Radagast said WHAT??” Billy Boyd was “Pippin” in the original Lord of the Rings Trilogy. And apparently sings a song on this movie’s soundrack. Wow.. I remember when Enya used to do that.

“Do I end up with the Nice Elf Lady at the end? Firstly, Peter Jackson will kill me if I say, and secondly I haven’t seen the Special Extended Edition that’s probably going to be six hours long and might modify what I remember happened” It’s Aidan Turner! (I forget the name of the dwarf he plays in the film. Fili? Kili? Bombur? Sneezy?)

“The giant elk horns I was wearing? They were a style choice, and I stand by it. All elves go a little crazy between their 10th and 12th Centuries”
Lee Pace plays Elf King Thranduil in the movie. albeit with considerably longer (and blonde) hair.. The eye-brows look familar, though.

I’ve made eye-contact with Philippa Boyens, who is a writer and producer of the film (and the Lord of the Rings trilogy, for which she won an Oscar for adapting)

“So if they call you Bard in the movie, is it fair to assume that we can expect a musical number from you in this final chapter?” Luke Evans is next on stage, and in contrast to a 3hr movie, I can handle a 3- or 4- disc soundtrack album..

“Put your hands like you just don’t care… even if deep down, you do care. deeply”

Richard Armitage plays Thorin Oakenshield (aka. the one dwarf I can remember the name of right now) in the movie. Although his wispy long perm, face beard and sword/axe are no longer on him so he effectively doesn’t look much like himself.

We return, and since JRR Tolkein’s Middle Earth only apparently contains about four or five women for every ten thousand male charcters, it’s a pretty rare gift to have one of them (Evangeline Lilly, who plays ‘Tauriel’) on stage.

“I know you cn’t tell me anything about how this movie ends… but your old self was narrating this story in the future at the start of this film… so I’m guessing you survive?”

“No need to call a cab… I’m signalling for an Eagle”

It’s Gandalf!! Ian McKellen is by far the best dressed man on stage so far . Alex Zane looks miffed.

“The tie. I must have it. Violently or otherwise, it shall be mine”. Stephen Fry plays the Master of Laketown in the film. He and the tie are both pretty awesome.

I just had an Air-High-Five with Benedict Cumberbatch!

“The fact that Andy Serkis both plays Gollum AND is second-unit director for these films is almost certainly problematic …”

I didn’t like more than about 40% of the Pirates of the Caribbean …. saga. But I guess that could make me cool to Orlando Bloom.

It’s Peter Jackson! I was so eager to get the monopod inot the air that I missed the part where he waved at our section of the crowd. D’oh.

In lieu of waving, Sir Peter Jackson elects to glower at me instead. He’s entitled to that… I may have in the past called these movies a cynical (albeit well crafted) cash-grab from the studio and all involved…. to some extent.

“Honestly, when it’s all said and done, the Box Set of all the films will be no wider than about this. Of course, we’ere talking without any packaging… just the discs lodged tightly against each other. I’m thinking somewhere around 70-80, with a total runtime of six or seven months.”

So.. .that was that. If you have the stomach (or bladder) for a journal that’s over 100% longer than this one, the rest of them are at

So.. .that was that. If you have the stomach (or bladder) for a journal that’s over 100% longer than this one, the rest of them are at

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