Joined July 2007

Bernd Talasch doesn’t remember being hatched in a research laboratory in Omaha in the late 1950s so maybe that never happened....

"Now : in the wings..." premiere - Kevin Spacey! Other People!

For some odd reason, the PR and Promotions people of London had a collective brain aneurism and scheduled three events at more or less the same time on the same day. I flipped a coin and a magic eight-ball and went to the one with Kevin Spacey. I’d never photographed him before.

There was one sobering issue, though. There weren’t many autograph dealers present, providing an ominous indication that the premiere for the movie ‘Chef’ on the other side of town might feature more than just Iron Man director John Favreau… and might actually include Iron Man, Avengers and Thor alumni like Scarlett Johansson,Robert Downey Jnr and Mark Ruffalo, all apparently in town filming Avengers 2.

So with that hanging over my head, here’s how it went down.

We’re off to a promising start, and it has nothing to do with this film / documentary, which apparently is about “Kevin Spacey, Sam Mendes and the Bridge Project Company reveal(ing) some of the most intimate moments behind the scenes of their staging of Richard III.” Thanks, imdb.

Kevin Spacey is wearing a crown and glowering at me from the poster, which suggests I’m in the right place. But the title of this thing is a ridiculous mouthful “Now : In the Wings on a World Stage” – and I SWEAR I had to go online to re-re-remember it because it’ appalling. It’s as if a focus group met up and couldn’t decide between three different titles and decided not to settle it with Trial By Combat like civilised people would.

Our first arrival is wearing a slinky black dress, and at this point neither wireimage nor getty has any photos of this event…. even imdb has most of the cast in ‘friendly’ grey silhouette rather then biographical pics. That’s a pity. Nobody looking this cheerful in a black dress should be snubbed like that.

Typical. Throw out a compliment and somebody else takes the credit.
Edited to add : she’s Annabel Scholey, and according to imdb she’s best known for being the voice of Ginny Weasley in the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows video game. Really? Bonnie Wright couldn’t do her own lines?

“Two questions. Firstly, is THE Kevin Spacey really attending this thing???”
“Yes. Next question?”
“Who’s THE Kevin Spacey?”

“Smile! Grimace! Pout! Pretend you’re harpooning a whale! Pretend you’d rather be at the John Favreau premiere!” Oh, I’m already there.

“I’ll sign this as me if you can tell me my name, if not then I’m signing it as Kevin Spacey”. Thanks to this premiere, I’ve now seen Kevin Spacey’s autograph and I’m willing to suggest a fake one would have the advantage of being more legible.

“General Kenobi. Years ago you helped my father during the clone wars and all I got was this crappy t-shirt” Oh, look. Princess Leia during her Grunge Years.

“I think I nailed the audition”
Edited to add : she’s Katherine Manners. Not that the name helps much : imdb has no idea who that is, while wikipedia helpfully prompts me that she might be Katherine Manners, 19th Baroness de Ros, who died in 1649? Well done, internet

“Smile! Grimace! Shift Left! Look Right! Change your trousers cause they’re destroying my autofocus!” Yeah, my eyes are hurting a bit, too.

I don’t know who this is, but based on the number of females on the imdb cast listing, my options are limited to Maureen Anderman (“Duchess of York”), Haydn Dwynne (“Queen Elizabeth”) or Andrew Long if Andrew is a girl’s name and the girl is playing the role of The Bishop of Ely.
Edited to add : she’s Haydn Dwynne, so pay up if you lost that particular bet

“Hi, I’m Kevin Spacey and I’ve won two more Oscars than any of y’all, unless you were in one of those technical categories in which case I congratulate you”. I’ve never actually photographed Kevin Spacey, and I’ve never been snubbed by Kevin Spacey either, but both of these things were set to change on this hallowed afternoon!

“Hey, you two should know totally each other. You were both in that movie” If it’s not the improbably named “Now : In the Wings on a World Stage” I’m sure its title is/was a lot shorter.

“The huge guy behind me? He’s here to beat up anybody who wants me to sign something from a movie I’m not actually in. Ten Commandements by Cecil B DeMille? I was totally in that…”

When Al Pacino signs autographs, the music in his head is probably heavy metal, but for Kevin Spacey, I’m thinking Bach. Alternatively, it’s a special request from the security dude who’ll beat up anyone who tries to get Kevin Spacey to sign something from a movie he’s not actually in.

This, based on an intimate analysis of the imbd cast listing of this thing, is most likely to be director Jeremy Whelehan. And his hat.

This man, on the other hand, I can’t track down, but the hair and beard are both lustrous. And an open shirt without tie is a great look, I’ve been told. (My wristwatch is a Seiko).

Giant security guard also takes a dim view of wonky horizons. Bad composition in photography is a sign of a lazy mind (and Dutch tilts are often over-used). I think the actress is Gemma Jones, and she plays Queen Margot in the film / documentary.

Nick Moran breezes past just long enough for me to recognise him from the Paparazzi list. He’s best known for being in the film Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but was also the unfortunately-named “Scabior” in the last two Harry Potter films. Not playing a heroic figure, I’d assume.

Meanwhile, being the great actor that he is, Kevin Spacey is answering questions with just his right hand. His right hand is his Acting Hand, as everyone knows. The left one mainly answers fanmail and does sudoku.

I think she’s a singer and she’s not affiliated with the film. So that should narrow it down…
Edited to add : she’s actually artist Tracey Emin, whose (unmade) work ‘my bed’ was shortlisted for the 1999 Turner prize and was bought by Charles Saatchi £150,000 and is currently on sale…

“Alright, my right hand’s got this next autograph. And whoever I sign for is going to FEEL it” Oh, they wept alright.

“OMG You’ve Got To See What Justin Bieber’s Been Up To!!”
“I’m going to go out on a limb and surmise you don’t want this autograph of mine as much as you said you did a few seconds ago”

“Joke’s on her. I signed it as Jeremy Renner” The kids today probably don’t know who Jeremy Renner is either, though.

“I’m heading in for popcorn with Right Hand. Left hand will stay and answer questions. Rightey and Spacey out. Peace”

So… that was some kind of thing.Kevin Spacey elected not to sign my Moleskine journal, but that’s okay so did Heather Graham at Hangover part I, so he’s in good company (or vice versa).

In the end, I’m still not sure whether it’s called “NOW”, “Now” or “#NowTheMovie” or whether you have to refer to it by its full title “Now colon In the Wings on a World Stage”…. but one way or another it goes into The Archive of Movie Premieres the last few of which included:

Now : In the Wings of a World Stage – Kevin Spacey! Others
Belle – Mbatha-Raw! Gadon! Felton! Wilkinson!
Edge of Tomorrow – Tom Cruise! Emily Blunt! Doug Liman!
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – Garfield! Stone! Foxx! DeHaan! Webb!

Twitter : @berndt2_photo

Until next time!

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