Joined July 2007

Bernd Talasch doesn’t remember being hatched in a research laboratory in Omaha in the late 1950s so maybe that never happened....

The Lone Ranger premiere - Depp! Bruckheimer! Verbinski! Hammer!

Sunday premieres are not my favourite thing, more so when I still have to edit the tail end of 4000 photos from last weekend’s awesome epic Zombie Weekend (did I mention I went on a Zombie Wekend last weekend? It was awesomely epic). But I wasn’t going to miss this one… even though I got there too late to get one of the 600 orange wristbands they started handing out from about 8am. So I got to Leicester Square at about 3pm and I assumed I’d be shooting from outside the event….

… but not so. Here’s how it went down.

I found a spot with an indirect view to the giant corporate logo, with the interview stage to its left set to be partially blocked by a boom mike and camera, and ten billion mobile phones… and did I mention that outside the Hans Zimmer score I’m not really attracted to this movie? Still, there’s the possibility of getting a decent photo of Johnny Depp at a premiere. My failure to photograph him properly now runs to not one and not two premieres and not even three (The Rum Diaries which I missed) but four premieres

So apparently Johnny Depp appears to be in the pen opposite me. That’s handy (?!).

“I heard this movie got totally annihilated by Despicable Me 2 at the box office, but they didn’t have a premiere for THAT in London” True on both counts.

Sadly, Helena Bonham Carter was not to attend. But Johnny Depp did sign the Jack Sparrow sketch this lady is holding (future woohoo!)

I’d spent mere hours standing next to some noisily excitable Turkish guys who were surely far too young and far too MALE to truly be plausible fans of Johnny Depp, and who were folding and tearing and rolling large The Lone Ranger posters into smaller pieces. And while I pondered “why?”, a man on a horse arrived.

Armie Hammer arrives, and his suit reminds me that Queensland won their eighth straight Rugby League ‘State of Origin’ series last week, which was pretty awesome.

Can I get a “Wooo!!” for Consensual sexual harrassment in public?

Armie Hammer most notably played both of the Winklevoss twins in David Fincher’s “The Social Network”. And the lens on the camera of the man trying to photograph him appears to be so large as to require a gymbal to wield effectively.

Harry Treadaway, meanwhile, was in Cockneys vs Zombies. And damnit I can’t for the life of me remember why or how I could have missed that premiere.

It’s Johnny Depp, psyching himself to cope with the buffetting wall of cheers he always gets at these events. I call the black’n’white version of this shot Hey It’s That Guy!

“Hello, ordinary people. I’ll be back later to sign” Johnny Depp did not say. Actually, he did say he’d come back to sign, and unlike others he actually meant it (good news, Turkish fans (?) of Johnny Depp(?)

This is director Gore Verbinski, who also directed the first three Pirates of the Caribbean films (so don’t blame him for the fourth one). He also directed the animated Rango, which I thought was excellent.

Actress Ruth Wilson meets Fan of Actress Ruth Wilson, and there are no losers.

“Thanks for tearing my dress. Here’s my tailor. You can deal with him”

My spot is situated across the road from the (blurry) pen in front of me and Armie and Johnnie have taken to the far stage. My zoom lens is long and excellent, but the rare hot English weather might create actual heat haze in front of the stage.

Did I say heat haze? Also possible it’s the estrogen levels of hundreds of female fans of Johnny Depp. (I hear the Russians once experimented with a bomb based on that principle)

“I just want to respond to opinions that the last two Pirates of the Caribbean films were rubbish. I actually think that’s true of the last THREE Pirates movies” Given he’s probably being paid all of Greece for playing Jack Saprrow a fifth time, he probably didn’t say this.

“You really LIKE it? I was thinking “lawsuit”, myself…"

It’s Tom Wilkinson. (I don’t attempt funny comments about Tom Wilkinson. He scares me!)

“These are the keys to Jerry Bruckheimer’s Lamborghini”
“What do you want me to do with them, sir?”
“Does Jerry Bruckheimer look like he cares what happens to a Lamborghini?”
Jerry Bruckheimer, for whom the phrase “Uber Producer” appears to have been either invented or self-bestowed, has arrived. I photographed him in the near darkness of a dark London February back at Confessions of a Shopaholic back in 2009.

“You like it? I specifically checked to make sure there were none shorter than this in the shop” They might have washcloths smaller. I believe she’s a singer by the name of Diana Vickers.

“My tailor said he could make them even shorter, but I’d have to get medical signoff for the procedure”

“Jerry Bruckheimer has an honorary degree from a prestigious nonaccredited online university and will sign that document if required”

“Now, where was I and whose implausible yet violent scripts was I rejecting last?”

I don’t know who this is. From the back I thought “Tom Wilkinson” but he’s never this jolly.

I don’t know who this is either. Not Lena Heady, surely? (Wireimage suggests she was there as the date of Harry Treadawell’s brother, but that doesn’t entirely prove or disprove my assertion)

Now why would somebody leave their Doctorate in advanced homeopathy from a university I’ve never heard of lying here?

Gore Verbinski has come a long way since he directed John Cleese and Nathan Lane in Mouse Hunt (1997). I doubt he even wore a tie once during the filming of that movie

I’ve always felt that my Pentax struggles when it’s photographing various hues of Red. Not Yellow, though, it appears.

Dude who draws pen sketches while waiting at premieres is back! Jerry Bruckheimer, I presume (for some reason he was calling out to Gore,…). He last plied his wares at the premieres of The Heat and Hummingbird

These two apparently composed a remix version of the classic Lone Ranger theme. I think their band is called “Future Cuts” and their genre interpretation of the theme was “Dance”. (Pity – I remember when all those interpretations used to be rap..).

As promised, Johnny Depp has returned to our end of the premiere to sign autographs. Or, in this case, possibly take requests for not quite anonymous kidnap ransom demands.

“It sure sucks that facebook compresses these photos so much. The original looks much sharper. Try loading them on flickr and linking back to Redbubble from there”. Thanks, Johnny Depp! I might just do that. Tomorrow, though, cause it’s midnight here and the number of hours til I have to wake up to go to work is already scaring me.

“I’m signing a lot of what look like contracts here. I just want you to know I came off watching a Twilight Movie Marathon back at the hotel and no judge is going to rule that I signed these while being of sound mind”

So… that was slightly better than I’d anticipated. I’m still not quite there on getting a great photo of Johnny Depp, though. Until (hopefully) next time!

Obviously I’m putting it into the Archive of Movie Premieres#

The Wolverine – Jackman! Mangold! Janssen! Others!
The Worlds End – Pegg! Frost! Pike! Wright!
Pacific Rim – Del Toro! Elba! Hunnam! Kazinsky
Man of Steel – Cavill! Snyder! Nolan! Zimmer! Shannon! Adams!

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