Joined July 2007

Bernd Talasch doesn’t remember being hatched in a research laboratory in Omaha in the late 1950s so maybe that never happened....

Iron Man 3 premiere - DowneyJnr! Kingsley! Cheadle! Hall!

It’s been a mere week since I did two premieres in two days ( Oblivion and Olympus Has Fallen )and it was lightly snowing at one. Now, all of a sudden it’s warm and sunny and spring and it only poured with rain twice while I was waiting for the premiere of this film : Iron Man 3. Here’s how it went down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring kid to premiere and have them dress up so you get a preferential position. As if I haven’t thought of doing that. But I need one arm for each camera – I’m out of arms!

Dear Disney – I just figured out a way you can make a sequel to The Avengers for 1/10th the budget of the first film. (and for a small consulting fee of $2million, I’ll tell you how…)

The number plate of the Audi R8 on the platform near the giant stage reads “Stark16”, but I’m sure there’s a 1996 Nissan Pulsar sedan there in the single digits. Even superheroes need a day-to-day car

The Autograph Dealer Pen. Photographing it means I’m not in it, and all other things being equal that’s a good thing. Don’t be fooled by the civility and sense of urbane bourgeois cool. Those guys can Turn.

And then, in the restrained way we would only ever associate with Robert Downey Jnr, he arrives. I just hope he’s referring to his favourite Iron Man film, not his favourite film in the Matrix trilogy. I last photographed him almost exactly one year ago at the premiere of The Avengers . That was a great premiere, too…

Boom mike/camera and smoke machines threaten to impede my view of the stage. Now add ‘security dude in neon’. Grand.

“You’re really here just for me? Because there’s guys handing out flyers to a cheap comedy nights out behind this stage, and they assure me it’s excellent value”

Writer Drew Pearce might not be a household name, but he’s been announced as writer for the third Sherlock Holmes film and was the writer for the upcoming Pacific Rim. I, in contrast, tend to write analyses for Cloud and Market Price Model performance. It pays the bills.

Civility in the Dealer Pen is on the verge of breakdown as actor Don Cheadle arrives.

Don Cheadle, best known for Iron Man 2 and Crash, has arrived and is seriously challenging Robert Downey Jnr for inherent coolness. (I forgot my sunglasses at home, damnit).

Sir Ben Kingsley plays a character called ‘The Mandarin’ in the film. My first thought was obviously to do with some kind of fruit. Because once you get enough iron in your diet, you kinda still need fruit. And dairy. And nuts and legumes. Sorry, it’s pretty late at night and I need sleep.

“I’m a ventriloquist! Hire me!”

Ah. Rebecca Hall looks familiar as she was in Vicky Cristina Barcelona across from Scarlett Johansson and Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz. Man, I hated that movie. Even the pretty 25 year old women sounded like 70 year old Male Pseudointellectuals. And that’s just bad screenwriting, Woody Allen. Even George Lucas can write a screenplay where a bipedal transvestite frog sounds different to a teenage queen/handmaiden.

Rebecca Hall isn’t willing to stay and discuss the cinematic merits of Vicky Cristina Barcelona, but she was also in Chris Nolan’s The Prestige and Ben Affleck’s The Town. Which are cool.

“Bulmers Bold Black Cherry Cider? Can’t comment – I don’t do commercial endorsements. But that aside, please watch my movie.”

I’ve also been kicked out of a place for having inappropriate footwear (which is why I assume Rebecca Hall has returned to our area looking mildly disconcerted). It was a casino. And I was wearing a t-shirt. I was young.

Somebody owes the other five dollars but right now I’m not sure who: him or me.

“So I was like…no, Babes, that wasn’t real, that was a training exercise…. I’m sorry, what was the question again?”

[insert your own comment here]
I’m just glad the Pentax hit focus with that much pedestrian throughtraffic. It was like the worlds most two-legged wildebeest stampede. Except slow, with disproportionate amounts of mobile phones and business shirts.

Owes me five… billion…. dollars. And is probably good for it.

Don Cheadle is probably kind of rightly annoyed that everyone forgets he was in Oceans Eleven, and Twelve and Thirteen. Sure, his Oscar Nomination didn’t come from any those films, but they were still cool

“And here’s the man who captained the Starship Enterprise D for seven long seasons… it’s… it’s..”
“I’m not Patrick Stewart

“And here’s the man who is singlehandedly bringing hypercolour t-shirts back into the 21st century…” Director Shane Black also directed Lethal Weapon 2 and the EXCELLENT Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, so I’m willing to restrict criticisms to the colour of his t-shirt. Hypercolour, of course, is much missed.

“And there’s a kid, dressed up as Marvel’s Spiderman, totally unaware that we’ll NEVER see Spiderman in Avengers. And why? Corporate Greed, Alex. … Oh, the Budget on IronMan3? Couple hundred million.. "

No idea, but she was a late arrival and I do like flowing blonde hair. Or flowing hair of any colour. Also, most of the cast have moved out of sight to do interviews.

Surprise arrival : Stanley Tucci, excellent in almost every role he plays, but I’ll put forth Hunger Games as one recent one and Captain America as one from a few years ago, and The Devil Wears Prada from…well… not that I’ve watched it or anything. cough

Robert Downey Jnr briefly kidnaps somebody’s kid and gets away with it.

“That man is photographing me on an iPad, and I’m appalled”. As am I, coincidentally.

“Anyway, kids. Don’t do drugs. Oh, sure I did them and it was great, and then my career bottomed out and then I rose from the ashes to become the great man you see before you today. I’ve forgotten the point of my story, but the gist of it is : I’m Great. Goodnight, and Godbless”

So… overall that was quite enjoyable, actually. It’s another for the Archive of Movie Premieres (though it would go there even if it was awful)

Until next time

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