regeneration

I almost touched someone today
Almost
I heard her skateboard clack along the footpath
and I hated her
for the freedom it allowed

She didn’t see me
They rarely do
The leaves of this holly bush
shield my porch from the street
and so much more

I sit here all day
Safe with blood red berries
and sharp pointed leaves
“Dark and spiky” he once laughed
“just like you”

I knew I was healing
after two years of stale air
when I drew a ragged breath
and dragged this chair
to the light of the porch

The air from out here
feels like honey on my skin
I catch the words that float across
and try to remember
how they felt in my mouth

The wheels of her skateboard
sang defiant down the street
and when a breeze chose
to send her cap across to me
it felt like a gift

It swung loosely on a leaf point
and my hand
braver than my heart
reached out to unhook it
You could barely see the shaking

A grunt of thanks
and her song continued
I sat with my honey air
and blood red berries
and shook

I almost spoke to someone today
Almost.

© bellmusker 2007

regeneration

bellmusker

Melbourne, Australia

  • Artist
    Notes
  • Artwork Comments 56

Artist's Description

One of the blessings of agoraphobia – and yes, there are a few – is that it gifts you with a finely tuned awareness of safe spaces. Watching life pass by my porch was both a tantalising and yet devastating reminder of what I was unable to embrace.

I couldn’t leave my house for an appallingly long time, and I’m still dealing with the intimacy that encompasses reconnecting with people.

I still have a lot to learn.

Artwork Comments

  • H Maria Perry
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