Who Am I?

This is a question I think we all struggle to find the answer to, some of us spending our whole lives searching and never find what we’re looking for.

I have too many dreams to fulfill in one lifetime. If I could have only one goal in life, it would be to have one piece of writing published.

My parents have been divorced since I was six years old. A lot of people ask me if I wish they’d get back together and it surprises them when my answer is “no”. I know they’re both happier living the way they are now as opposed to 12 years ago. I have no memories of them ever being happy with each other and I remember wishing that they would separate. They’re just two great people who couldn’t make it work.

I am an only child. Maybe this is why I enjoy time by myself every once in a while.

In October 2007, my uncle David was diagnosed with lung cancer. He had been experiencing some breathing problems for a long time and he had battled cancer twice before. It turned out that the chemotherapy he had the last time caused this cancer. He had unknowingly suffered from lung cancer for 26 years, which was over half his life. The doctor told him he had four to ten months to live without treatment. He chose not to undergo treatments. He said he would rather live life the best he could while he still had time rather than sit in bed all day long just so he could stay alive a few extra months. So he moved in with my dad and I until he passed away on January 9th, 2008, just a few days after his son left after visiting for Christmas. I miss him every day. He was the one who taught me that no matter how difficult your situation is, embrace every day like it’s your last. He made me laugh every day that he lived with us, despite the oxygen tank he had to carry with him everywhere.

Some other major influences in my life are my parents and my friends. My parents have taught me so much that has made me who I am today. My morals, values, how I think and what I believe – all of that came from them. My friends, because they’ve helped me get through the most difficult times and I know I always have their support in everything I do. But one other major influence in my life is music. I love all kinds of music. If someone were to look through all the CDs I have, they would probably think the collection was that of a music store – not an average teenager. When things are hard and I can’t turn to anyone, music is always there. Music is truly a universal language, bringing people together who would otherwise have nothing at all in common. Music is a total constant. That’s why we have such an instinctual connection to it, you know? A song can take you back instantly to a moment, a place, or a person. And no matter what else in the world or in you has changed, that song stays the same, just like that moment.

My biggest fear is not how I will die, but rather when. I feel like I have so much that I want to accomplish, but not enough time to do it all.

A question I always struggle to answer is “What mark do you want to leave on the world?” I think I would much rather live a quiet, peaceful existence. I made my mark the day I was born because I was given the blessing of life. I would rather the world leave its mark on me in my having experienced living in it.

So who am I? It’s not a question to be answered with just a few words, or a name. In order to know who I am, you need to find out who the people are in my life, the experiences I’ve had, the lessons I’ve learned, my wildest dreams and biggest fears, and the goals I have yet to achieve. Then, maybe you might get an idea of who I am.

Journal Comments

  • LeviMoore