Destiny's Desert

He walked across the barren landscape, memories rushing through his mind, as if he in some sense could make them into some semblance of a picture from their scattered paths through his brain, whizzing around so fast he barely had time to relive one before the next came into focus. Memories. Regrets, more or less, things he couldn’t change no matter how many times they played over again, like a never ending picture show, through his mind.
The dirt was dry beneath his boots, red dirt that spread into little insignificant clouds as he passed, their journey lost in the passivity of his departure, settling once more as he walked on by as if never disturbed at all. There was nothing in this field save more that dry, red dirt, the endless gray predawn sky, and him. He found it an extremely daunting place to be, and found it disconcerting that the bleak environment wasn’t what made it so.
It seemed as if the bleakness of the landscape had somehow initiated his mind to go into a frenzy of activity, seeing as if there was nothing to concentrate his thoughts on, nothing to be a buffer between himself and the memories that desperately were trying to claw themselves free of that place deep in his belly he had hidden them so long ago he barely remembered them anymore. Memories and regrets. Both of which he had little time for, and an even smaller well of patience for. Or perhaps those were only the lies in which he forced himself to believe, maybe the real reason he didn’t want those things bubbling to the surface was because he hadn’t the courage to face those demons, not now, not ever.
And yet whether he was ready or not, whether he had the courage or not, they were clawing at his door, banging their way through that wall he had built so long ago he couldn’t remember all that lay on the other side, didn’t want to know, didn’t want to remember. But did he have a choice?
There was no sun in this forever overcast land, and the clouds were painted so perfectly he could not tell where one ended and the next began, so searching through their depths was useless, and the ground held no dips, no hills, no sign of life whether plant or otherwise, there was nothing but him and the barrage of his past.
Clutching his head in his hands he fell to the ground, as the thumping of his own heart seemed to bring countless blows upon his body, and the scratching and scraping of those memories became too much to bear, too much for him to hold back, and whether he had the courage or not to face them, there was no way he could hold them back any longer.
Foolish, he thought to himself, to think he could pass them by without so much as a glance, letting them roll from his shoulders as if they hadn’t hurt him, as if they hadn’t gotten underneath his skin, but they had been there, he felt them tear him apart, digging into him, and burrowing deep beneath even where the human heart cant reach, and he felt those he had brought down upon others, he felt them most of all, because those had been his words, from his lips, from his heart, that had left so many soul scars on the ones he loved most.
The ones that no longer loved him because of it.
Regrets, and memories.
But could he forgive them, forgive their foolish words thrown out in anger, in pain, and if he couldn’t, how could he dare expect it return. And he desperately needed that forgiveness, that tourniquet for the things he couldn’t hold back any longer, to stem the flow of those memories that poured from him like a fresh wound, which demanded reparation.
Kneeling upon the barren landscape, the dirt rocky beneath his knees, reaching out to all of those souls that bore marks from his thoughtlessness, his viciousness, he pleaded, begged, and cried out for the one thing that could give him absolution, safety, and an escape for the scenes flashing through his mind. Forgiveness.
Closing his eyes to the bleak outer world, a single tear slipping down his unshaven cheek, the memories backed away, receded and he was left bleeding from his own scars, but they were lanced, and cleansed, and would heal, because in his desperation he had forgiven, and in doing so had been forgiven as well.
He let out a sob of relief, of gratitude, of peace, no more memories, no more regrets, and opened his eyes to a new world, where the sun was bright in a clear azure sky, and wildflowers waved in the subtle breeze.

Destiny's Desert


Rapid City, United States

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