Let me tell you a story about me eating Tofu for the very first time.
I was living in NYC, the big rotten apple. The apple has been rotten for so long, it has turned full circle. . . It’s now a butterfly. . .

Now I don’t care what anybody says about the big apple, that’s my favorite city, The best pizza, the best Chinese food and the first place I ever ate tofu that taste like pork chops. . . I used to love that tofu. My girlfriend at the time was a health nut. She took me to this vegetarian restaurant and I let her order for me because it was my first time. Just like sex. The first time is always an adventure. She ordered pork chops and something else, I can’t remember the something else, it was a long time ago. . . and I’m too old to remember anyway. It was probably peas and mash potatoes. . . That’s usually what you have with pork chops —right?

So, anyways, the waiter brought us the chops. I started eating. I thought to myself. “Hmmmm! This taste pretty good; no bones either.” You know pork chops always have bones, and sometimes the bones are better than the meat. So I say to myself. . . (I talk to myself all the time. Even answer a few times, but I’m not crazy. But usually when no one is around to hear me. . .) Anyways, I’m trying to analyze this. I said to myself, “Now she’s a vegetarian, Why is she eating pork chops? And shit, she is tearing it down, big time.” I ask her, “How’s the chops, baby?” She looked at me a smiled. She asked, “Aren’t they good?” I said, “Yes, They are real good.” Then I asked her another question. I asked, “Aren’t they supposed to have bones? I like the bones. I like getting that good meat off the bones.”

Man, she laughed at me. She said, “Paul, you know I am a vegetarian, I don’t eat meat.” So, I’m thinking, what the fuck is she talking ‘bout. She eating the chops as if it is the last meal before her execution, and she is a vegetarian. So I said, “Baby, I know you a vegetarian, as I put down my pork chops, leaned back in my chair and asked her, “Why are you eating meat?

She looked at me and smiled; that same smile that was on her face when I first met her; gave me goose bumps then. I still have them. You want to see? (start to unbuckle my pants.” Sorry, can’t do that. This is PG rated. . . Anyways, this pork-chop you eating — that you like so much— the ones without bones. Baby, this is tofu. I fell outa my chair. That’s how I started liking tofu. Now I eat pork chops without bones. . . .

You are probably asking yourself. What the hell eating Tofu have to do with anything. Lesson: There are always surprises the first time you eat anything.

Journal Comments

  • Suzanne German
  • Bev Woodman
  • Paul Quixote Alleyne
  • Sally Omar