‘Twas the day before Christmas and all through the house
Everyone was feasting, even a mouse.
Auntie DONNA was coughing and hacking up phlegm,
Big gobs of mucus; her bug was a gem.
MARY was sleeping, she could do that this year.
No 5 AM practice; that made her cheer!
But LIZZIE was swimming laps at the Gogebic College pool;
Thinking of the breakfast to come; that made her drool.
DAD like a King was sitting on his new throne.
MOM was banging on the door; she too had to go!
Meanwhile, at Hitt’s, Auntie JULIE was still pooped;
She had spent yesterday cooking up soup.
She was all snuggled up in Michael’s new bed,
With visions of being stranded until March she did dread.
Uncle DAN was all sneezy; his eyes were all red.
He wished he had taken his allergy med.
He had been busy installing Mom and Dad’s new gift,
And soon it would be upon it he’d sit.
MICHELLE was busy wrapping Michael’s zap gift,
But when she would open hers, she’d soon get the drift
That she was the object of this year’s surprise.
The scheming and planning, were a big pack of lies.
It was snowing and MICHAEL was out plowing again,
Then it was off to practice with his fellow music men.
A fire he would build, of this he was famed,
But no gasoline this year to make monster flames.
Auntie MARY was shopping for last minute stuff,
Because she just hadn’t bought enough.
She should have been home asleep in her bed,
But WalMart was open 24 hours instead.
Uncle DON was relaxing, a beer in his hand.
The furniture business ain’t always grand.
Retail at Christmas doesn’t have many perks;
He’s dealing with snow storms and customer jerks.
Everyone was happy that MAIJA got here.
We all were afraid that she’d hit snow… or a deer.
She was under the weather, feeling quite sick,
So the trip Up North didn’t go very quick.
Kirby and Roxie were chewing a bone,
While Penny and Gio made themselves at home.
Everyone was excited; it soon would be clear
Who was getting the Sugar Bowl this year?
We shook and we fondled each present with care
Trying to guess if it was our underwear.
It took 5 hours, with 2 potty breaks.
Our brains were all weary; we had turned into flakes.
We packed up the presents; we burned the gift wrap.
Everyone was happy to get new crap.
Our bellies were full and we were reasonably sober.
We were all happy that this year was finally over.
So, to all Morellos, Majewskis and Hitts;
Hope your Christmas wasn’t the pitts!



Madison, Wisconsin, United States

  • Artist
  • Artwork Comments 2

Artist's Description

A few footnotes of explanation

My nieces Mary and Liz were/are competitive swimmers in Indiana and they still have to practice during vacation, where ever they are. During Christmas, it’s the pools at the local colleges in Ironwood, MI and Green Bay. The Ironwood open swim is from 5:30-7:30 AM. Practice is followed by breakfast at restaurant of choice. Mary “retired” from competitive swimming when she graduated in June; Liz still has 2 more Christmases with early morning swim practice (unless she quits the team).

My sister Donna gave my Parents a toilet for Christmas!

My brother-in-law is allergic to dogs; there were 4 (you’ll meet them later).

One person in my family gets “slammed” with gag gifts each year. We chose Michelle, but told her it was her brother getting it instead. She fell for it like a load of bricks. Her slam- Michelle is a nurse and wanted a set of scrubs, so, we gave her cleanser, brushes, anything that would scrub!

The dogs; Kirby (big old smelly mutt) and Roxie (chiahaua with attitude) are the resident dogs; Penny (bull dog) and Gio (Maltese) were visiting from Minneapolis. Not everyone got along. Roxie’s nose was really out of joint when the visitors arrived; she turned into a snarling bitch… when you were looking. Penny is elderly and nervous, especially when Kirby is around; he can get exuberant which intimidates Penny. Gio is just a little mop who goes with the flow. We had a 4 dogs together one night for a couple of hours when they were all tired and quiet.

My sisters’ families pass this really ugly green and yellow sugar bowl back and forth; Donna had made it in 4-H when she was a kid.

Mom always gives everyone a pair of underwear for Christmas. She fooled us this year; we got long underwear instead!

Artwork Comments

  • BlackSwan
  • AuntieJ
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