My question is can we ever really accept or forgive until we understand why someone hurt us and if we had any input at all. If we don’t understand we may forgive but will we still carry fear?

My answer to your question is rooted in my faith, my personal beliefs, and in my life experiences; none the less, from where I stand, we all have the ability to forgive others, no matter what the circumstance. It is only through practicing forgiveness that we can learn to unconditionally love one another. I can look back and say that I don’t understand why I was raped and although I am still sad and disgusted by it more than 5 years after the fact, I am not afraid of going out alone or even afraid of men. People can and do unspeakable things to one another every day… At first we all ask ourselves, why did this happen, what could we have done to prevent it and how could a human being do such evil things? My answer to this is simple; people who commit these horrible travesties are suffering much more than any of us could comprehend. We are a product of our environments’ we learn what we see and then we try to make sense out of it all. I believe in my heart that the only reason a human being could do anything hateful is because of his or her own debilitating suffering. So then, I’m empowered to feel compassion for them because I too know suffering.
I believe that when an individual is raised in an abusive environment that he/she grows up thinking that abuse is the norm. And even after one learns that abuse isn’t the norm—one still continues to find and stay in abusive relationships (even though one isn’t happy being abused)—abuse is all that one knows. So unconsciously the individual is seeking out these abusive relationships because they are familiar and there is comfort in familiarity. At the very least the relationship is predictable and all humans fear change. I don’t know that what I have written has made any sense at all but I could write a book about forgiveness. So, I am not going to bore you with my ramblings. The last thing I will write is this, I can only speak about my personal experiences, and everyone is unique. But I do know that living my life in anger and in fear isn’t living; and if I let what others have done to me, be a reason to live my life angry and fearful, then I have given the other all of the power over me. Again, the rapist took a piece of me, which I won’t ever get back in this lifetime, so I’m not going to let him take away anything else. If I “choose” to live the remainder of my life in fear and anger, then he may as well have killed me that night because living that way is not truly living.
I hope that this didn’t bore you and that I have answered your question. Thanks for listening…
Ana :)

Journal Comments

  • Tony Ryan