That's how it's done!

If you’re like me and have a hobby, or an inclination or a bent, whatever you want to call it and this issue is out of our society’s norm, you’re going to need a Public Relations person, because society is going to come at you. You’re going to defend yourselves, I know.
Possibly the first to become aware of this were the gays. They started coming out of the closet, opposition immediately appeared, they hired a PR person and this person came up with…………drum roll please. "Homophobic:. So now, if you oppose gays,you are a homophobic and just like that, presto, you’ve been branded. You’re not human anymore, you’re tagged.
The next PR brand to come out was “Stalker”. I’m against stalking off course, but the problem with these “brandings” is that if they are clever, they can stick to an innocent person like Velcro. The other day, I peeked into the stall while my wife was taking a shower and she screamed, “YOU’RE STALKING MEEEEEEE!”. Now I’m a stalker. Bingo, I’ve been branded. What happened to the good old days when we would talk about it. Well, I would talk, she would scream.
You were peeking through the crack on the shower door at me
I was admiring your body, I would respond
But you were sneaky about it
I thought sneaking was an integral part of peeking, I would cleverly respond
It was an intelligent conversation. Now, no more talk. Just an abrupt “you’re a stalker”.
I’m telling you, clever PR sucks.
The latest PR gem is this. Are you ready? If you oppose the plans to build a mosque in New York’s ground zero, where thousands of our people died you will be branded an “Islama phobic”. Can you even believe that?
My hobby happens to be walking around the house naked with toilet paper wrapped around my neck, like a scarf, you know, both ends up front by the chest. So East Coast.
The problem is we have very tall cathedral windows and neighbors are now complaining. Yesterday I had to have a talk with Mr Gonzales, who has 8 kids. No doubt he’s upset because I branded him (with out a PR person) to be “rabitty”
What ees that?, he asked.
You guys reproduce like rabbits, I said. Now I hear that the word in the hood is that I am “rabbit phobic” Dang, branded again.
Senor, he said, chu walk around naked and because of your beeg windows, my kids can see you.
Well Mr Gonzales, have them play at the other end of the block. This is the United States of America, I have the freedom to do as I wish in my home. No sooner Mr Gozales left, my wife advised me that Mr Lee, who has 5 crumb munchers was upset also. Sensing the threat, I picked up the phone and called Slim WD40. His name is Stephen Shapiro but I call him Slim. This guy can slip in anywhere.
I need you Slim, I’m coming under attack. I explained my hobby and told Slim I needed him to shame any one who opposes me.
What kind of toilet paper do you use, Slim WD40 asked
Charmin I responded
I can’t work with that, too much like charming
I can switch to Scott, I responded undeterred
No, too many guys named Scott probably walk around naked, you’ll get sued
Wait, I’ve got it said Slim. This is why I get the big bucks, TPnudephobic
Hey, I like it, it has that ring to it. A little long but it has sticking power.
No sooner did I finish with Slim and Mr Lee was at the door.
You can not run around naked with toilet paper around your neck, my children see you
Well tell them to close their eyes, I said
You want them to ride their bikes with eyes closed?
Can’t help you with that one Mr Lee
You can’t do this, it’s not right, said Mr Lee ever more emphatic
It was there I realized why I had hired Slim.
Mr Lee, I said with authority, you are a TPnudephobic, that’s what you are. You’re done Mr Lee, I am going to Facebook you all the way to China. You ever hear of Twitter, I’m going to twitter you to death. Every one is going to know you’re a TPnudephobic Mr Lee. Go ahead and run but you’re done. take your kids to the other end of the street. It’s over for you you TPnudephobic, YOU’RE DONE
As I watched Mr lee run away in fear, I said to my self, That’s how it’s done! a PR guy or girl can get you out of thee biggest mess. Just how do you think that politicians when they commit adultery or get caught stealing or…..well I could go on, how do think they came up with the phrase, “I AM DEEPLY REGRETFUL” You don’t think they came up with it themselves do you? No, they’re not capable, a PR man or girl gave it to them. So, anybody out there need Slim’s phone number?

That's how it's done!

Artcool

Launa Hills, United States

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We all need PR specially a slimy one like Slim

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  • Artcool
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