Ivan Stan is Not the Man

Time was getting on and as Ivan Stan I only had three more weeks to get things straightened out. I tried to calm my freaked out mind by a walk along the boulevard where I passed a mirror seeing myself as Ivan Stan the man.
Oh I was so handsome and what an amazing physique!
I made a mental note to look up the spelling of narcissist for my doco flick.

The cops didn’t think it strange at all when I requested to see my crazy ex-lover who had confessed I was her favorite dish to be with lots of fresh green salad and vinaigrette.
I followed the female prison officer who paid me not one bit of attention. Wrong!
As we waited to be buzzed through to the high security section she proceeded to rub herself all over me.
I was so surprised and truly affronted and squeaked out “I’m not that kinda guy” which she must have heard as “I’m really kinda shy” for she squeezed my bum and replied “It’s ok, I’m very shy too.”
So, men also get cornered by unwanted attention the same as us women walking past building sites and such with taunts of “Show us ya tits.”

Sitting across from my nemesis I admit I was scared out of my wits. Hand cuffs and all, I still wished they’d put a muzzle on.
She smiled just like the night we first met and said “Oh honey, so glad it’s you. I have the best news.”
I felt my pupils dilate so big I wanted to dive right into them, not wanting to hear another word said.
My mouth was incredibly dry with my questions rolling around wanting to get out and then she came right out and said “I’m pregnant and you’re the dad.”

This was it I had to think carefully and use my wish number two, very, very carefully.
Sitting there in a communal female hormonal sweating from my lips these words slipped out instead “I wish I had a cool drink.”
A tall glass of cold water appeared in front of me and nutcase threw her hands up in the air in delight at my magic trick.
Staring at the glass of water I was thirstier than ever but didn’t touch a drop, what a friggen fuckwit I was to ask for this instead of sorting out my fatherhood to ‘Madame Sucker in a Dad’.

In the taxi travelling back home musing on my one and only wish left, I was thinking about how I was now a dad and knowing in three weeks I would be back to my female form.
I cringed thinking about not doing the right thing by my own flesh and blood. Ivan Stan was going to be known as a drop kick that ran out on his kid.
I didn’t want to look in the mirror anymore for right now Ivan Stan was not my kind of man.

© K S Hardy 2010

Ivan Stan is Not the Man

Arcadia Tempest

Joined November 2008

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Artist's Description

I still feel the shame of this fateful day…..

If you don’t know Ivan Stan then here is a way to find out how a woman came to be a man.

Click here if you dare find out the whole messy affair

OR if your in the know then find out about the last wish of Ivan Stan

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