Soul Mating

The pen of seduction the brush of layered and frozen dreams makes me whisper with anticipation and jolts me into hoping.

Words well woven hold such magnetising power and are the key to exquisite freedom. They have the capacity to dig deep into our need and unearth our secret desires. To reject these urges that pulse through our blood is to deny some aspect of our humanity. And cut short our capacity to live fully.

Yet we struggle between the desire to reveal these edges and nuances of need and to conceal the cracks that expose our woundedness. The exhibitionist striptease of the soul that through revelation may turn our isolation to connection if the right person reads the words and sees our art and is aware enough to feel the essence. But sometimes style and articulate prowess is the greatest barrier to meaning. Perhaps why we struggle to articulate in new ways old words to convey meanings. Does this seeking odyssey to open up to endless possibilities lead us in search of new language to describe our experiences to reveal our thinking. Binary structures have only ever been two eyes which are open to be cracked apart by deconstruction and multi perspective thinking.

You think too much – he said to me – when he wanted me. Leave your mind behind next time. He said. I felt want too. I wanted to but my insight stopped me because like a prophecy I could see the ending before we began. But now years later I question was that reason enough not to start because nothing lasts forever. And they do say that life is about the journey not the destination. We are all in a state of becoming but we never seem to arrive. Is that why peace is so elusive like a butterfly that kisses us with its wings of potential and hope only to fly away? He flew away away away from me.

And for all its pleasures and glory life of the intellect is only a part life which needs the soul and body to thrive and live with exuberant unabashed zeal. Integration of a pure yearning that urges us to keep seeking perpetually for that point of connection, the soul mating that brings us into our own but sensually beyond ourselves.

And that journey through pain and trauma, that university of brutal knocks is worth it because of the bliss of learning that exists beyond. That is of course if we have the strength and sensitivity to stay open through pain and not shutdown. There is no greater challenge than to stay open when the heart is breaking. But the breaking leads eventually to a greater knowing which inturn leads to an expanding compassion and a truer humanity. A humanity indeed capable of such tender resilience and a powerful revolution in kindness. This is just one view but the lens may shift.

Yet still alone in the dark night of the soul when trauma slaps my sensitivity – loneliness is the greatest aphrodisiac (thank you The Whitlams) and indeed the greatest reason to risk coming out from behind the screen and words to risk it all to be real. Perhaps it is in our reality that the greatest seduction lies? And the deepest challenge to lay bare our battle scars and wounds that keep us silent. Perhaps our mystery is a mask to our fear at revealing our wounds and that once revealed the reader and seer will not be able to deal with the truth in the bright light of day. Yet it is the revealing of the not so pretty parts of who we are that the most beauty resides. But still we spend so much of our lives hiding this vulnerability in the fear that no one will love us for our revealing.

You think too much. People find you intimidating because you are sensitive but strong. You feel too much no one will ever cope with your intensity. Were their words intended to shut me down to keep my light hidden and undermine me? To reduce me to a shadow life. It did not work – infact it made me an artist and writer.

Their words of discouragement and disapproval kept me expanding, hurting, growing, changing an alchemist of heart and soul. Their remarks kept me hoping that another alchemist of the soul would eventually see me. Someone creative with a soul that was sensitive and resilient, tender and powerful who could too look between the spaces of the faces who could not see. Another soul who could see the subtext of words to new meanings and feel from a heart that was internally referenced and universally guided. A questioning soul not afraid to feel intensely, look deeply and live passionately. Another creative, a free thinker, innovator not dumbed down or reduced to PC prisons and traditional modus operandi that stifles our spirit to death. Some one courageous enough to ask questions and be still and hear the answers and strong enough to let those stories change us.

Our Stories are indeed medicine.

But still I question. Do I have the courage to share my true story? And if I did would you have the courage to listen and not walk away? Would you share yours?

If I did and you did perhaps the real healing could begin bled from our souls.

Ah yes and finally there would be Connection!

23 July 2013

© Anthea Slade 2013

Soul Mating

Anthea  Slade

Carlton North, Australia

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Artist's Description

Musings and reflections on connection, heart, mind and soul, soul mate, creativity, language and its meanings, concealment and revelation.

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