Im Gonna Lock U Up Till Frogs Do Fractions...

As I leaned over the edge of the cliff, I could only think of the adrenalin rush I was about to experience. All the sadness and sorrow of the past 5 years were, for once, not the main focus in his mind, he felt he was at peace within his mind now. Knowing what he was about to do, he could now put his past pains to rest. 3-2-1 he said to himself before he lept over the edge of the cliff, he began to scream, ‘like a big girls blouse’ he thought as he began to build momentum. His next movements felt a lot slower than usual. He tucked his knees in into his chest and wrapped his arms around them, pushed his head to his knees and braced himself. BANG he hit the water, still screaming like a big girl who’s just seen a spider in the bathroom. He gasped for breath as he surfaced and looked up at the cliff he had just leapt from. I fear neither him nor his army he thought as he began to catch his breath.

Tony Cucumber was a refugee on the run, he had gone to England on a 2 year student visa. After skipping lectures and spending most of his student allowances on sex drugs and alcohol, he signed up to an illegal program which involved him literally being shipped in a container, from Portsmouth to the sunny town of Lisbon, Portugal, or so he thought. He had paid £3000 to make the trip, got a Portuguese passport thrown in for free and a family who had ‘adopted’ him when he was 5 years old from Lisbon’s premier adoption agency. He thought he had hit the jackpot and that life was looking up. Little did he know that life infact was going down like an over eager ‘client‘in an Amsterdam brothel.

As the container opened, the sun shone through the boxes labelled ‘Charming Charlie, The Toy for All Ages.’ Tony heard a foreign language, that’s not Spanish he thought and then after thinking about it, he chuckled to himself and thought its not Portuguese either. As his eyes adjusted, he saw a huge man, shit! He’s built like a horse on steroids he thought. As he got closer he notices the man was dressed in a khaki shirt with matching khaki trousers. Tony was grabbed by the hair and dragged out of the container, bleh bleh bleh he heard from the well built khaki clad man and with those words his life became a living nightmare. He was sold in England to a Senegalese drug baron and for the next 5 years Tony was used and abused amongst the ranks of high profile Senegalese gangsters known as The Senegal Six. Now, five years on he had escaped the gangbangs, gang life and being used as a home delivery boy by holding Lateesha, a Senegal Six’ wife hostage and eventually running for his life resulting in him jumping off a cliff edge to the depths of some kind of swamp. Subconsciously he had hoped the plunge into the swamp might have killed him, because he knew that if he survived, life was going to be one hell of a marathon for he would be on the run!

Tony looked up at the sun beating down on the lush jungle which surrounded him, he had crawled out of the swamp type pool and walked about 50 yards before finding shelter under the canopy of a large tree. He had hoped he was not followed, but was too exhausted to run any further without any rest. As he came to his senses after the waking in the baking heat, he felt hunger kick in and thought about what he could, or wouldn’t be able to eat, chicken in pitta with chips and a bottomless soft drink, from Londons premier chicken vendor, Nandos, with perinase sauce he thought. As he shed a tear he had a reality check and thought he would never be able to have a life, how would he live in the jungle in hiding, he knew the locals believed the jungle was said to be habited by a higher being which was said to patrol the jungle keeping it free of any humans and only allowing wildlife to blossom. In the back of his mind he knew there was no real god-life creature patrolling the jungle, so he felt he was safe from big foot or the abominable snow man. He set off deeper into the jungle, after walking another 20 meters, he suddenly felt the urge to turn around and run, he began running as fast as he could, he ran and ran and ran, until he reached the swamp type pool, at which point he hurtled himself towards the cliff edge and with a huge thud, he hit the rock side and knocked himself out. His limp body slid down the rock face and into the swamp type pool.

Tony woke with a stench of what seemed to be a strong does of eucalyptus crushed into shreds and mixed with a bit of organic oil and lightly simmered on a fire of wood. Tony once again came to his senses, o God, where for art thou God, he said out loud. A soft and soothing, but husky voice replied, God, you won’t find the big guy down here mate. Tony sat up and looked around, he saw he was in some kind of a hut, still in the jungle he thought. The hut was of quality wood, the kind you get from B & Q or Wickes, he thought. Where am I he said out loud, hoping the angelic husky voice would give him al the answers. I saved you from the swamp type pool at the other end of the jungle, you lucky I found you when I did, any longer in the swamp and you would have most defiantly died of drownage or over exposure to water, you were also knocked out, probable a mild concussion, the angelic, but husky voice said almost sounding like he know what he was talking about. After hearing that, Tony, lay back down and closed his eyes, what the hell have I got myself into, I wanted to go to heaven, maybe I got stuck between heaven and hell, a half way house, this guys little hut he thought to himself. He rolled his eyes to the back of his head and woke up again, slowly. Who are you and why did u fish me out of the swamp like pool? You do realise there is no life for me here anymore. I wanted to end my life, bastard I have no reason to live anymore.

Im Gonna Lock U Up Till Frogs Do Fractions...


Joined July 2008

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Artist's Description

Random Story of Lifes Misfortunes.

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