My Condom Hat and Other Related Abstractions

I’m bad at ashing cigarettes

I flick awkwardly

Like it’s stuck to my thumb

Or caught on my skin

It shouldn’t even be a difficult thing to do

Drag and ash

But I’m so goddamn bad at it

I look like an idiot

Like I did on Wednesday

When I wore the new hat I bought

That looked like a condom

With my bowling ball face poking out

Like a fresh doughy pastry…

I need to stop thinking about food

Daydreaming about dinner

When I’m working out

And the beads of sweat are piling on my forehead

And I can feel those embarrassing sweat lines

On my back

The ones that are everywhere except my spine

I know the guy behind me can see it

Because I wore a grey shirt to work out

Like some kind of ass would do

Ass like the girl that falls down the stairs

At the party

And everyone can see up her skirt

Because she’s just pouting there

On the stairs

Wanting people to feel sorry for her

And take advantage of her drunken stupidity

As if she didn’t know the stairs were there

In the first place

Because without them

How would we have ever gotten to the next level?

Step by step, one foot after the other

I’m not sure if we’re going
Up or down

But we’re going somewhere and it isn’t good

Those last five lines were

Kinda

Melodramatic and ambiguous

And I’m not even going to erase them

Because I think that’s what a poet’s supposed

To be like

Sitting around with notebooks

And cigarettes and coffee

Trying to be mysterious and genius all at once

Writing about something

No one else can fucking relate to

Just in the name of poetry

But I never really was much of a smoker anyway

My Condom Hat and Other Related Abstractions

Amadeline

River Falls, United States

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