Rings of Living

If I could have created an image of consecutive circles on here I would have but I can’t so can you be mentally creative please? I know …
Grab a CD or a disk like one, go on grab one!
Look at it
There is a small circle in the center then a clear circle in the middle and then the large space that is what has the content of the CD burnt onto it.
[You have to help me here and visualize what I’m going to tell you onto your disc]

Ok think about this
The Disc is you. Every person is a disc
[It would be even better if you can think of the disc as a cross section of a sphere]

The center circle is your core; your mind.
In there are all your mental thoughts your ideas and emotions and dreams and memories and knowledge and perceptions, beliefs, humour & wit, etc… it is where you process everything and make your decisions on what you do.

The middle circle is your image; your body.
This is your physical your skin is it’s outer limits your mind is within it.
This is where you portray yourself your image your actions what you say and do. Your senses are in here too so you take in what you see, hear, taste touch and smell. And what else you perceive as a sense, your intuition sixth sense etc. – for those who believe in psyic power that I believe would fit into your mind core.
[Common sense is in your mind too!]
~ Nothing can penetrate your skin without your permission or else it is a violation
– Be very aware of this and make sure you are thinking it when you read on.

The outer ring is your interactions, your relationships.
~ It is only in this ring that people have interactions with you.
~ Their interaction ring overlaps yours in whatever capacity you each agree to. This is permission for interaction is given and taken by the owner of the ring.
[Grab another disc if that helps you to see it]
~ Your interaction ring has a shield of sorts – your awareness of other people near you and your permission is the strength of that shield – a strength radiating out from your mind
~ A glance to/from a stranger will bounce off your outer interaction “force-field” shield
~ Casual contact – interaction with shopkeepers, etc, will have a small over lap
~ Negative Interaction is when another person(s) is pushing at your permission. You may have to allow this as in police pulling you up or other correction measures [parents blasting you etc]
~ Criminal activity occurs when that person(s) do not withdraw when you perceive they conventionally should. [Tolerate the correction issues up to the skin if needs be [but no further!] but not the purse-snatcher or the wolf whistler or harassment etc]
~ Friends will go the whole gamut according to the level of friendship
~ Lovers go right up to the skin line [think of skin contact kissing hugging sex etc and you’ll get the idea] but no closer, they may feel they envelop you but they don’t.
~ Permission is given to the other interactor but they may not take it or give you the same level of permission in return. ie: you may allow a potential lover that level of interaction but they may not be interested in you that far and only allow you a friendship or a mere smile level; and vice versa [You get the idea?]
~ Children are no deeper than skin level – yes even for mothers! I know that the child was once inside your skin and thus inside your physical ring [remember never inside your mind] but once you expelled that outside of your body they can never go back inside you. Thus they are their own person, inside their own sphere and permission for your interaction rings to interact will be ever entwined up to the skin but never within again. Turning them into another person you interact with and no more!

#Therefore you are responsible ONLY FOR YOUR SPHERE and thus ONLY FOR YOUR SHARE of the interaction and NO MORE! You are responsible TO the others you interact with, not FOR them!

Does that make sense?

Thus no one can MAKE YOU DO anything!
Also in reverse they cannot STOP you from doing anything!

They cannot make you believe anything you don’t want to believe … or not believe
They cannot make you think anything you don’t want to think ……… or not think
They cannot make you feel anything you do not want to feel ………… or not feel
They cannot make you say anything you do not want to say ……….. or not say
They cannot make you do anything you do not want to do …….……. or not do

Only you can decide what you think. Only you can decide what you say or do, etc.
Others can influence your decision if you give them permission to

They can harm you physically stab shoot hit slap punch kick push throw things at you, and that is a violation. Rape is a violation – the sexually inferred penetration without your permission

Now take the instance of my 2 street encounters.

At 13 I saw a flasher on my way to school. He was in a driveway and as I looked up to check there was no car coming out he opened his raincoat and flashed his nakedness to me.

Now I have 3 brothers so I had seen a naked male before. I stopped I looked then I laughed. He became so embarrassed he closed his coat and ran back up the driveway. It had no effect on me other than gave me a laugh but then I thought there may be other girls that it might worry, my girlfriend being one of them. So [sighing] I decided I had better tell the teachers at school. This involved the police, which for me was another funny incident. The police-woman was all caring and gentile and concerned I may have been upset by the nasty man. I tolerated that consideration – she wasn’t to know I had only thought it was funny and was doing a civil duty to other less liberated minds than I had. [Besides maybe I was bad for not thinking his silliness as being bad?]
She asked me to describe him if I could. Tallish but not really tall, red haired wearing a black ski balaclava, grey raincoat and bright blue boots; which I thought was silly! That, and the fact that his penis was flaccid, was why I laughed.
The male constable looked up and questioned me. “If he was wearing a ski mask how do you know he was a red head?” I looked at him with an expression of “Think about it; you are an idiot aren’t you?” and he suddenly blushed and said “Oh” and went back to writing his notes again. [lol]
(For added clarification I am red haired and so are 2 of my brothers)

Later in my life as I walked up the street to the train to go to work a man walked towards me and at the very last stopped before me and actually put his hands on my breasts and fondled them. I stood waiting for a moment for him to realise what he was actually doing and then coughed and said “You right there?”. He looked up at my face and he looked thoroughly surprised and shocked and then completely embarrassed he mumbled an apology and walked away and then ran off! [lol]

On both accounts I could have had the men charged with assault. The police did get the flasher and charged him with indecent exposure – they caught him at it the next morning. The man in the street I could have called for help and the police and had him charged.

But on both occasions I thought am I really violated? Was I really hurt by these men?
The flasher I acted in case other girls couldn’t cope, the groper I think was in just a tired daze coming home from work saw tits and acted out his mental desires without registering it. He didn’t hurt me and yes he may have infiltrated right up to my skin I doubted he meant any malcontent. I gave neither man permission to violate my person and I retain that permission. The memories of what they did remain for their comedy factor and no more – and as examples to myself and others to prove my permission theory.

Another example was the time I was in a group for abused women to work the abuse out of their systems. One woman was completely engrossed in trauma about her husband having said a callous thing “I hope your daughter’s baby dies!” That was the straw that had broken her back. She tolerated his physical abuse his verbal abuse his domination of her life until he said that and then she fought back and he ended up in gaol.
Now when we managed to get that bit out of her my ears pricked up.
“How long ago was this slur on your daughter?” I asked and she replied over eighteen months before … and I exploded!
“Eighteen months? He’s been out of your life all this time and you are still acting as if it was last night? STOP!!! Stop giving him permission to destroy you!! He’s sitting in gaol and I guarantee he’s not thinking a damn thing about you … well nothing nice anyway … and here you are acting as if you can’t go home now least he skins you alive for daring to breathe! Just STOP! Did your daughter’s baby live?”
“Oh yes and she’s having another soon!”
“Then stop giving him and his stupidity power to destroy you!”
“Move house, divorce him, move on. There is nothing wrong with you that you cannot fix, but you have to do the fixing!”

The two psychologists sitting with us just stared at us. I looked to them suddenly realising I may have overstepped boundaries, trodden on protocol toes, done more harm than good, etc, but they just smiled and told the women “what she said!” meaning me. Later I found out it had turned her completely around and suddenly the woman was energized to live!

From that I made up a saying –
“Sometimes NO help is MORE help than help!”
Perhaps therapy actually encourages us to wallow in our depression.

Own your experiences. The good and the bad!

Own the bad and control them and lock them away out of harm. Take the power away from the perpetrator and don’t be their victim for the rest of your life – they’ve forgotten about you! But remember them for the lesson they teach and be wary of the signs of repartition. The only constant in your life is you. If it keeps happening to you and you don’t like it CHANGE YOU!
If you can’t stop it from happening then change how you view it! That applies to how you remember an event. In your memory rape is only sex without permission. So in your mind give it permission and then put it down to a bad experience and move on. The same as a bad decision it happened you cannot undo it so put it down as a mistake remember not to repeat it and move on!

But remember put the event into perspective at the time too. If you were attracted then you have to remember that. When you break up remember that in the beginning you did love him/her and give yourself a break.

Relationships change people … you too!

Rings of Living


Frankston, Australia

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Artist's Description

Just one of the ways I view the world
using a tool I was given durig my dark times and I clung to it like a life bouy
I cant tell you the amount of times this tool has helped me help others who are finding interracting with people hard

[This is a work in progress so your input (and tolerance) is important too!]
{Thiting – is thinking as I write :o) lol}

I hope this helps you like it has helped me.
Keep Happy! ~ adg :o)

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