adgray

Frankston, Australia

adgray is a writer and a poet / - telling stories all her life / - writing them down once she learnt how / Scribbling! Always...

The Reason

Today is the 4th anniversary of the start of my black time – the 556 days when I did not see my children [when my ex refused my children to see me and threatened me with the destruction of my life and with pure physical violence, to stay clear of them]

During this huge horrible black time, I wanted to die, but then I heard something and I wanted to live again with a force that renewed me.
I wanted to feel something I wanted to survive to see my kids again.
I knew I had to change I had to get better, get stronger, gather resources to fight the battle of my maternity and my children’s lives!

~ this song came on the radio:

“The Reason” – Hoobastank 2005

*I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never wished I’d done those things to you
And so before I go
I just want you to know

I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you / And the reason is you
And the reason is you / And the reason is you

I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
*

After I dried my eyes, I found photos of my kids I stuck them all together and pasted that on top of my PC screen and began the fight!

I survived and although my children still have not left their father’s home to live with me I see them and they are the only ones I have to account myself to for my role in that trauma they have had to live through …… and they forgive me!

Now I am still reminded by this song playing on the radio [Vega 91.5 – for Melbournians] that I am not perfect and I still must accomplish my dreams to show my children my value of their love & support!

Perhaps if we stop trying to impress our parents and start trying to impress our children we will treat them as valued people we love and not fringe benefits to a relationship, or assets! We may also then adopt the healthier attitude of looking after the planet for our children to see instead of using it up!

Thank you for reading my words.
Keep Happy! ♥

Journal Comments

  • Anne van Alkemade
  • Irene  Burdell
  • Jan Stead JEMproductions
  • Darren Stones
  • Sally Omar
  • pijinlane
  • Ieneke
  • amarica
  • Sarah McKoy
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