Joined February 2008

I have out walked the furthest city lights~ Robert Frost / I am a woman , Mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin and...


WOW ... what a storm !!!!!!

I wanted to take a few minutes to explain my absence here for the past few days…..
We got hit HARD with an ice strom last Friday that wiped out all the electricity out in my home town and many towns through out not only Maine but New Hampshire and some of Massachusetts….
I didn’t get power back until late night sunday and finally got cable and phone back yesterday…. I have to say WHAT AN EXPERIENCE it was !!!!!! I grew up with a wood stove and totally miss not having one but when Mother Nature desides to hit us broadside like she did this weekend … well really can say that I appreciate warmth and light in a whole new way !!!!! My two oldest children found peace at friends houses with generators but my youngest two and I toughed it out for as long as we could …….
We dressed in layer…

Lets get one thing straight ....

I do not write the journals I do to get attention or pity for MYSELF ……. I speak out finally to bring attention and, I hope some comfort , to the OTHERS who have gone through and are still going through simalar things …………
Its time to speak out .. to NOT be afraid anymore … and to NOT be ashamed of who and what we are ! I am a woman who has been through alot … YES … but that is not only what I am made of …. I have learned from each and every experience whether it be a horrific or a happy one .. and because I have survived them I feel I should talk about them to whomever will listen………
thank you for listening :)


I woke this morning with a feeling of heavyness upon my chest……. I am not sure how to go forward in my life and in my soul ………………………………
I was raped years ago by someone who then became an active part in my familys life .. Each holiday I had to see him.. watch my family talk and joke with him while all I could do was take slow deep breaths so as not to be sick. I was told to not talk about it …. I was punch in my face when I turned to someone who was suppose to be my best friend because she was in love with him… I at one point had no choice but to move into this BF house for awhile (her being my only blood and closest person to me ) and living with her and HIM because I had nowhere to go when I left an abusive situation…… … I thought I had this under control until I went into the hosp…

Back home

Well .. I am back home … but with no answers yet …..
I am still in pain , still can’t eat but there was nothing the hospital was doing that I couldn’t do for myself at home and my children had gone long enough with worrying and not having me there to care for them…. I have to wait 5 day before I will know what the biopsis say for my stomach .. that may tell alot .
I am so frustrated inside … feel like a big mistake at times …. BUT I have to let you all know …. AND PLEASE HEAR ME WITH YOUR EYES BUT ALSO WITH YOUR HEART AND SOUL…. Without you all here who have made a point to keep me in their thoughts and prayers …. for those of you who have taken the time to write to me and express your care … for all of you who touch me so much ….. I wouldn’t have the strength to stay as strong as…

Mind Freak....

I am so emotional today and filled with so much emotion that I am not sure what to do with it…… I have been alone in the hospital the past two days pritty much and I at these times feel like I am invisible to my family .. I have seen my kids once since comming in … I am walking the halls like a fool and reading three books at one time and knitting as well as watching tv but yet my brain is starting to consume my happiness … its getting dark and my roommate is rich and snottty and has her whole dang family in and out of the room….. I am putting headphones on and trying to drown out the noise but I have NO tunes …… FRUSTRATED …… I am so frustrated … I had my scan at 11 today and have yet to heard a thing about it …. I can’t eat or drink and its going on the third day of this ……. My mind is …

The waiting games begin

It is Monday around 12 noon… lunch time …mmmmmmmmmmmmmm smells so good !!! Everyone is getting their lunch but I am on my second day of no food and no drink … just an IV…… I will find something soon, REALLY want some HOT veggie soup ,,, mmmmmmmmmmmm ……. or some yummy ice cream ………. HELL I havn’t had coffee for days so I guess I have found that I can survive without it ………… Still am in the Hospital in York Maine … its a wondeful hospital that has laptops for us sickies and wonderful food on the menu such as LOBSTER ROLLS !!! YES you heard right :) I am not interested in indulging in such food cause right now its like … ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww to me but I think its really cool to have such a variety of food in the hospital…..
DAMN I am so babbleing arn’t I … hehehe .. go…

just an update.... thank you all for your friendship xo

Funny how the hours of the day seem to move in slow motion when one is in the hospital …..
Its 11 am and I jjust got a visit from the doc ….. seems my liver enzimes are elevated to over a hundred .. and my white cell count is way way low …. not sure what that means yet ……… I am waiting on a gastrinal doc to come talk with me ,,,,,, miss my kids … my dog …….. so tired and scared……………

In the hospital yet again

well its 7 pm and I am yet again in the hospital ……. not feeling to good and think that I might me going in for some type of surgery cause I can’t have anything to eat or drink and have had my shot of heprin in my belly and am hooked up to iv fluids ……… kinda scared to be honest althought the hospital is a second home to me it seems lol………… I am not sure what is going on … I have had a catscan and many other tests since going to the hospital in my home town and being transported by ambulance to the next town over to the BIG hospital ……………… I dont think it has anything to do with my heart but I am waiting to see the doc and hear what is happening ………….. I just am scared and had to babble… Yes I am a bit high on morphine so excuse my typing if its a mess ……. if anyone is around please feel…

OH MY .. HOLY%^^& !!!!!!

I just realised that my poem Thoughts of You has been featured in the Sensual Word Group !!!!! Wow !!!!!!!!! I am so honored and sooooooo excited !!! Its not about how many oooooooooohhhhh’s and ahhhhhhhhhh’s I get about my work whether it is my photos or words ……… But to get featured to me is a HUGE accomplishement and it makes me feel “good enough” if you will to be around such increduble artist as all that is here . Thank you so much for the honor !!!!

Smiling soooooooooooooo BIG!!!! :)

I am completely psyched !!!!!!!!
My poem Orgasm has been featured in the Blue Room !!!
Thank you so much LittleHelen for thinking my work good enough to feature … I am so excited and honored :) I love to write sensual and erotic poems and I am glad that others like to read them !!!

WOW .... I can't believe it !!!!! :)

I just came on to RB to see that I have have had not one but TWO of my shots featured in the Extremely Positive Group !!!!!!
Endless Sunshine and Symbol of Peace ……. WOW …. I am blown away !!!! Thank you soooooooooooooooooooo much Keeli ((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))) I have had so much support from this group and I appreciate your appreciation more than words could even express …. :)
I am inspired and COMPLETELY EXTREMELY feeling POSITIVE lol …. thank you all who stand beside me as I grow not only as an artist but as a person as well !!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

November IS ??????????

National Diabetes Month ………
All my work posted this month will be in memory of my Aunt who passed last year … She suffered with diabetes caused by obesity caused by depression caused by never feeling loved. She was a Very special woman who was so fun to be with when I was a little girl. She was not my Aunt by blood but by marriage but she never treated me less than like blood… she was there when my father was abusive and made me feel as if …. well she knew how I felt . The last year that she was alive I spent time with her sharing my poetry and just being there to listen. I miss her so much and only hope that she knew and knows how much I LOVE HER (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Random bubbles...

Being that I have been here for a bit now , I believe you all are used to my spontanious and random thoughts and artwork lol….. I woke this morning with the urge to come on here and just say :
Thank you !!! Thank you all who have taken the time to get to know me and support me and my work like you do …. You all have become my family since in Celena’s World there is no such support and love.. so I really wanted to just say how important you all are to me … and even those of you who I have not met yet . I have never been so excepted and appreciated as I am here … You all inspire me so very much and when I am in need of comfort and focus I can always lean on my family here . That to some means the WORLD and for some it is a life line ….
I , as you know , am bipolar and with the other …

Diluted bubbles

Its funny how in a time of emotional stress I seem to run to my home here on RB… I never come here with hopes of getting others to feel bad for me and my situation cause god knows that there are others with way more worse happening in their lives .. I just come to my journal here to type my thoughts and feelings .. to get them out of my ever spinning head and to maybe help someone else who is feelings so invisible and lost as I do sometimes. I am growing up each day and seeing thing in a different light …. seeing myself in a different light . I am sad today … my world seems upside down and I am walking sideways in a maze of emotion…… My heart aches to be held close …….. Why is it that happiness seems to be so far … yes its achieveable .. its right there … I have tasted it … touched a…

OMG !!!! MY FIRST SALE!!!!!!

I have had a rough week so far this week and was feeling a bit down so I decided to check in to my bubble home and saw the word SALE ….. I was like frozen in my tracks for a few minutes lol.!!! I can’t believe it and feel sooooooooooo completely honored that someone would like this pic enough to want to buy it :) My shot Creamsickle skies is the one that was purchased….
I am not sure who I owe this THANK YOU to but ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))…

I am far from a professional photographer but someone VERY close to me told me that the REAL Celena shows within my pics as it does my words and that is beautiful ….. I try to take shots of things that MOVE me at that second………… I wish I could take a shot of my heart

Remember when...

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
Memory was something you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long road trip
A web was a spider’s home and
a virus was the flu!

Wayyyyyyy to funny !!!!

Just sending out some LOVING laughter ……….. (((((HUG)))))))
Another funny story to share from the local paper …………. hahahaha see I am still laughin ’ !!! I hope noone takes offense to this ….. I am a HUGE animal LOVER and it makes me sad to hear of death of any animal …..this just struck me funny … completely Ironic how quickly the vet bill does seem to grow larger with everything minute in their office :)…

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgeon’s office.
As she lay her treasured pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the birds chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, " I’m so sorry, Polly has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, " Are you sure? I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything.

In Need of laughter??????? come read this !!! hehehe

I LOVE to laugh and whenever I come across something in the paper or in a book that makes me laugh I try to copy it down or cut it out and put it somewhere that I will come across it again in the future and have another laugh !!!! Well I found this tucked in my poetry folder and thought I would share it with you all ……… its from the local paper that is put out every week………

Ever wonder…

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery” ?
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?
When dog food is NEW and Improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didnt’ Noah swat those two masquitoe

Thank YOU Extremely Positive Group !!!

I just woke up about an hour ago .. went and got my coffee and sat down to do my usual viewing of the art work here this morning to find my artwork titled BEE HAPPY featured in the Extremely Positive Group !!!!!
Thank you so much for likeing my work you guys and thanks so much for all the support ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
This is truely an honor for me :)


Feeling so confused ….. not sure what I should be doing with so many aspects of my life lately…… my work here I used to feel so confident about ..yet I am and have felt that my work is a joke compaired to what I see around me here on RB…
I am struggling to write words and my inspiration has been dampered so my camara has not been in much use either.
Sick of my brain and the way that it seems to go from one emotion to another so quickly…. how in one day I feel so excited and proud of what I have done here and in my life , and then I wake up the next day to feeling like I have been fooling myself.
I am not making much of an impact here really and I feel that I am wasteing peoples time and this sites space with my amature work.
Sure my friends here all say that my work is good and to keep on …

Back home now ((((((((HUG)))))))))

I am writting to share with you all that I am back home…… I am in tons of pain and with 8 holes in my belly BUT its done and now I am focusing on healing ….
the surgery was more involved than expected …. I had hernia surgery last august but also had to have a full hystorectomy at the same time so they only stitched my hernia at that time… well it came back and doubled in size …(about the size of a big fist)
it was in my pelvic bone area and then they used a mesh material and meshed my whole stomach because I have had repeated problems with this…… they also removed a ton of scar tissue from having the 4 c-sections, gall bladder removal, hernia repair and hystorectomy……. OMG my friends … I so was not prepaired for my inability to move any faster than at a snails pace !!!!! lol….. I signed …

Surgery Day

Well my friends/ angels ….. today is surgery day for me …. I am kinda nervous I won’t lie but I am sure everything will be fine:)
I just wanted to let everyone know so that if I am not responding … this is why.. don’t want anyone thinking I am ignoreing them or anything …. I am not sure how long I will be in the hospital because the doctor isn’t sure what she is dealing with yet … I may have a laptop while I am there ..if I am there a few days and then I will be back here to my home here on RB. I will be thinking of all of you today and using your friendships to keep me comforted :)
No worries my angels !!!!!! I will be fine and having a wonderful sleep which I am so in need of lol…..
LOVE you all (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so excited !!

Hi my friends (((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))
Been a bit since I have used my words here in my journal but I had to come and say that I am completely HONORED and SHOCKED to have a shot of mine as FEATURED work !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My pic titled LIFESAVER SHACK is featured in the EXTREMELY POSITIVE GROUP !!! omg…. how extremely positive is that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am blown away …………………………..

CAA...Explaining absent bubbles

Hello all you angels … i am writting this cause I feel I owe an explination to you all as to where I have been… I have been housesitting and have been very busy with two dogs , 5 cats and kids. My best friend had gone to Florida with her family and asked me to stay at her home for the week , I figured it would be a nice quiet vacation type thing while my kids were off from school … well I ended up having my daughters friend here who came down VERY sick with MONO while in my care and we couldn’t get ahold of her it was me who took her to the hospital and took care of her… then when my kids went to their grandmothers for a few days I figured that it would be even nicer to have the quiet and all that …LMAO jokes on me !!! lol…. I couldn’t sleep and all I could do was clean and …

CAA...Flashing bubbles !!

4/11/08 2:00pm…

OOOOOOOO I am so excited … as you can see I have myself a new toy !!!!! I got a camara this week … my FIRST camara ever !!!.. and I am having so much fun !!!! My world has been expanded and my eyes are seeing the world completely different … I am amazed at how much beauty there is out there that I hadn’t take the the time to see only because my view was packed with so much !!!! (ohhhhhh boy I am kinda relating the camara as a bit of a metaphor my friends)… The world can be so overwhelming at times and for me it can be like that for days !! Just as I think I am set to take the shot a gust of wind comes and messes up the shot but with patients and my angels wings wrapped around me I always get the perfect shot !!!! With the camara in hand I can give m

CAA.....Gentle Loving bubbles

4/7/08 12:30pm…

I have never known such gentleness as yours before,
Never knew that love could whisper with such
quiet reverence.
If there is a God Who cares for man,
He will give me time before I die
To absorb the gentleness that pours from your very skin.
Your courage frightens me, encourages me.
I am now such fragility
When once I was only strength.
But then you would not have loved me,
Nor would I have seen your soul.
Only in weariness and desperation could I have felt
your love,
And known a gentleness I have never known before. Kavanaugh

I am inspired by LOVE today my angel bubblers !!!!! I feel a breath of fresh air caressing my skin today and opening my eyes to that happy glow that I hope you all are able to feel !! Things in my life have been a mess for a long long time , a

CAA...Diluted Bubbles

4/2/09 11:00 am…

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -
Not absence of fear Mark Twain

These words speak LOUD and so clear to me in so many situations in my life but this morning I couldn’t help but repeat this to myself…..
My son was rushed to the ER by ambulance this morning because of major chest pain… he is my only son and he is my ROCK! My children are my life and when I say that I don’t mean it as loosely as those words are used…. they ARE my life. As I was sitting with Austin (my son who is 13) in the little waiting area of the towns little ER clinic I found that time seemed to stand still …. the WHAT IF’s came about again….. Knowing the major heart issues I have , my mind just wanted to so go there, but yet my instinct said otherwise….The

THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just came home from playing Taxi service from home to school and back to find that I have passed the 1000 views mark on my journal entries !!!!!!!
Thank you soooooooooooooo much!!!!!!! all of you who have been my faithful readers and to those who have stopped in to check it out AND to those who have yet to stop by lol…… THANK YOU sooooo much for hearing my words and acknowledging !!!!!! :) I am shocked lol

CAA...Polishing the Halo

3/30/08 7:00am…

Good morning my loves hope you all slept well !!!! I , myself did not but rather had one of those evenings were there was soooooo much in my brain that I couldn’t really focus on just one thought lol…I am in awe at the support I have gotten here on RB and I see that others feel the same and by showing that they have opened themselves up to me as much as I have to them… For the first time in long time I feel as if I actually fit in… I am not so shy about my words and putting them out there for all to read.. I have nothing to hide yet my walls have been up for so long that it is hard to tear them down… that is where you all come in !!!!!! I am shocked that others want to hear what I have to say .. that they find comfort in my words and they respond to me… That is

You and I

You and I could be the greatest lovers,
Could abandon hurt to the wind,
Could make of life the paradise
it was ment to be.
But even you and I have drawn
the shades on whom we really are,
Afraid that the very revelation
will make love and longing impossible,
When in reality,
it is love’s only chance.

just spreading some LOVE !!!! ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))

CAA....Eating bubbles

3/26/08 1:40pm…

I have missed writting the past few days … my thoughts building inside each second that I can not express in pen what is trapped within my soul… I am seeing the beauty around me and am overwhelmed with the exceptance that embraces me…I watched as a seagull flew in tandom with me down the road and was instantly blinded by my tears… the connection that I feel at times is so beautiful so intense… that is how I feel inside lately . How thankful I am to be able to take a deep breath and feel it go into my lungs.. to feel the sunshine sink into my skin… a breeze caress my skin…
I have been so impacted by the connections that I have made here in the short time that I have been part of this AWSOME site … Fed up I was the other day … tired of trying to do anything .. fee

CAA.....Extending my wings

Monday 12:00pm

I have to say that I love getting older !!! lol
I know that is not a statement that most would make , especially us ladies, but for real I do…I just got finished watching this Disney movie called Monsters Inc. with my youngest daughter Isabella and was left with the coolest feeling when it was done. I love Disney movies because they always have more than one lesson in them for both children and adults but this one I really really liked cause it got me thinkin………. (oooooooooooooohhhhhhhh boyyyyyyyyyyyyy hold your socks celena’s been thinkin again !!! )
I realised while sitting there how long it had been since I had actually sat through a movie…. Mind you I am always hangin out with my peeps(my 4 cool kids) but I tend to always be doing a million things at once. My

CAA...Bubbles only can float up from here :)

Thrusday 12:00pm

mmmmmm I just love these Cadbury mini eggs !!! lol…. Such a bummer that they only come out at Easter time :) Happy first day of spring my friends !!! WOOHOO.. I am so ready for some warm weather and some sunshine on my skin. The winter has been way to long this year for me and I am starting to get excited about planting some flowers and being over at the beach ! I appologise for my slacking here on CAA,,, I have let myself fall into a rut for a few days emotionally but am pulling myself out with the help of a few of my friends here on RB …
I am so excited about all of you wonderful artists and how you all inspire me in your own ways ! I am alone ALOT during my day and to be able to come on here and get lost in the beauty of the writtings and the paintings a

CAA...Adding soap for more bubbles :)

3/18/08 6:00am
Fair is the worst thing we are taught in kindergarden. Fair is a four letter word and it screws us up for life. We should be taught from an early age that there is no organic “fairness” to life. And that to even survive we have to maximize whatever meager scraps we do possess and get over the fact that the person sitting next to us might get promoted first, might marry somebody better, and probably has a grandmother who will leave him more money. Being taught that fairness matters cripples us. It forces us to wait for the scales to be adjusted. It makes us miss opportunities we should snatch before somebody else does. And, worst of all , it sets us up for a life of deep disappoinment. Augusten Burroughs

Good morning!!! Hope everyone slept well :)

CAA...Even angels have to laugh :)

3/16/08 4:00pm

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn’t be late for church. As she ran she kept praying,“Dear God,please don’t let me be late to church. Please don’t let me be late to church…” And as she was running she tripped and fell. When she got back up she began praying again,"Please, God don’t let me be late to church— but don’t shove me either !!!

LOL… I found this in one of my folders of newpaper clippings that I had kept and I laughed so hard I just had to share it with you all :)
Still not feeling well so I am not going to stay an spread germs but just wanted to make you all have a laugh and I look forward to writting more tomorrow …. I hope you all are well ((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))) Celena

CAA....My Oath to you

I appologise that I missed my journal writting yesterday … not feeling to well the past few days .. think I may have caught a bit of the flu but please know that my thoughts are always on you all. I was reading through some of my poetry books today and found this piece by James Kavanaugh… it kind of ties into my last blog and I am taking a stand today to work on letting go of some of my anxieties. Done I am of worrying about the negative things others may say … Done I am of holding myself back from moving forward !!!
Although … I feel strong in my words at the moment they are subject to change at times and I find myself down and out …. But with all of you and being able to share in this family of beautiful bubbles I will be able to stay strong and conquer :)
Thank you all so much again …

CAA.....Shedding feathers

Thursday 1:00pm

I have been told that I am to serious… that I try to look DEEPER into things than I need to …. At first I was kind of shocked that someone perceieved me like that ! I had always been told as a child to be more serious , to get my head out of the clouds and "Quit the daydreaming CELENA !!!!! " Even through my teen years up until now I have considered myself as more of a layed back type of woman …
Then it HIT me !!!!!
I am both …. I feel all and I feel it deeply and alot of times I react, whether it be by words through poetry or here in my bubble of “shedding feathers” !!
Isn’t that human though ? Isn’t that what we all really do in one way or another
How can a person FEEL to deeply or CARE to much???
I was told in the same breath that I was being selfish… that I wan

CAA.... PARTY OVER HERE woop woop !!!!!!!

Wednesday 12:31 pm

ITS A BIRTHDAY DAY for me and I am so completely excited !!!! I turn 35 today and for the first time that I can remember , I am so happy to be a year older :) I can’t express how thankful I am that I made it yet another year ! (I have tears)
Some may think that I focus on death or that I focus on negativity because I talk alot about my heart situation , but I talk about it to show and express thanks… I want to help remind others that they can hold on another day if they are feeling they can’t … I want to share all that I have inside of me as much as possible because I do not know how long my heart will hold.
That is why I started this daily blog/journal…. I am not in this for fame or money my friends (although it would be a great relief money wise and would

CAA....A gentle breeze to ruffle your wings :)

Tuesday 5:00 pm…

What a day it has been !!! Went to the neurologist today for first time visit and ended up being in the office for what seemed like FOREVER that is why I am so late in posting today … I figured that instead of blowing bubbles today I thought I would just ruffle your wings a bit with some words to ponder :)
I hope that everyone has had a GREAT day !!!!
Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY (35 ! ) so it will be an extra fun day for me and I do hope to share part of it with YOU !!!! (((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

Until one is committed there is hesitancy,
the chance to draw back,
always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative,
there is one elmentary truth,
the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:
That the moment one definitely

CAA...Believe in yourselves bubble blowers !!

Monday 11:00am…

Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft
might win,
by fearing to attempt.
Wiliam Shakespeare

I am in awe at how true this statement is for us as we get older… I have sat back and really thought about how WE, as little children really do not carry this type of fear around with us. I mean, if you watch little children and how eager they are to learn and how open they let themselves be to learning new things… they are excited by trying new things and do not have that fear of the “WHAT IF’s”.
I know that as we get older the responsiblities get heavier and more time consuming but why do we allow ourselves to lose our ability to just LIVE for the moment? Where does it say that as we age in years we have to stop daydreaming and

CAA ... Blowing Bubbles

Saturday 1:13pm
Good afternoon!! I do hope you all are well and smiling your beautiful smile today :) I have to say that I am stunned by the warmth and support I have gotten from you all here and hope to give back to you and everyone else who may read my journal. I have found that by changing how I view and think of the world and what it possesses, I can actually change what IS actually happening around me … WITH EVERY ACTION >>THERE IS A REACTION
As a child I lost my faith in people and the kindness that most have. I found comfort by withdrawing within myself and felt that I had to keep others “within arms length” in order to stay “safe”. As I got older my experiences only helped to enforce those thoughts. I felt angry all the time and no matter what I did the dar…

Calling All Angels !!!! 3-07-08

Someone VERY close to my heart reminded today about my journals and what they consisted of …. I was reminded about how much of my soul was put into each one I wrote and the excitement and interest I got in each responce……………..
I have desided to start back up and I am NOT holding back on the emotion or my thoughts cause THIS IS WHAT I AM … read or don’t read … just be OPEN when you click on my journals cause I am very blunt and honest in them …….
This was the very first one I ever posted here and thought it still was relivant …….

Friday 6:08am :
Dear Angels,
Isn’t life interesting … all the twists and turns that come along each path as we walk them…
I find myself lost at times, lost in my own mind. I


Well its been two days since I have sat myself down long enough to really focus on the Boston trip to the heart specialist… I went prepaired to be told that I needed to start planning on possible surgery this year and left being told to try and just live my life with out this controlling my every breath. The doctors can not and will not do surgery until the aneurysm is at a certain size .. which in my case it has to be at 5cm and mine is at 4.5….I have been told my the doc that if this bursts I die… but yet they still do not want to go in and fix it … instead I am told to try and not let it bother me. So that is what I intend to do my friends … I do get overwhelmed about this at times and totally get pissed and feel bad for myself BUT those moments pass and I get my perspective back a…

Going to Boston.... feb 6, 2008

well seems today is the day ! Go to boston today to talk to the docs about my heart surgery… have an aneurism on my aortia… Kinda nervous and so would rather sit here and write poems about all this emotion rather than getting ready to drive a few hours to get there and all the while wondering what excatly they are going to say. Is it time once again to have open heart surgery?? I am so scared to be totally honest..being that I am only 34 and feel that I already have used up my "get out of jail free card " so to speak in 1996 when I had this done the first time with out issues… I am a strong women , that I do know and trust will help get me through , but ……………..
Well anyways, I am soooooooooo loving being here at the redbubble… I am spreading the news to all my poet friends and everyon…


Well glad to have finally found a place that I can keep sharing my poetry and hopefully be able to get feedback so that I can build on making my work better…. I really like what I have seen so far from this site and only hope that I can learn all the different things you can do on here and reading some of the other work on here I find myself a bit nervous about putting my stuff out there for all to read when these are the words that bare my soul …. BUT I am also very excited to be able to surround myself with such inspiring artists :)
Have posted a few of my works and actually had a few positive comments about it so I guess its just one day at a time and see what happens …
Its been a long day of multitasking but got alot done and thank god the sun was out !! Hope the storm that is…

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