Journal

Religions

Religions are divisive and quarrelsome. They are a form of one-upmanship because they depend on separating the “saved” from the “damned,” the true believers from the heretics, the in-group from the out-group. Even religious liberals play the game of “we’re-more-tolerant-than-you.” Furthermore, as systems of doctrine, symbolism, and behavior, religions harden into institutions that must command loyalty, be defended and kept “pure,” and because all belief is fervent hope, and thus a cover-up for doubt and uncertainty——

Irrevocable commitment to any religion is not only intellectual suicide; it is positive unfaith because it closes the mind to any new vision of the world. Faith is, above all, open-ness—-an act of trust in the unknown.

Leave me alone

When I see crowd around me, I want to go to one corner and be with silence.I feel like hearing the sound of white noise. My mind refuses to accept people,maybe because I have been lonely far too long . I never came to know, when loneliness became my only friend and being alone became my only habit. Suddenly all things around me turn black and then all turns bizarre! I am not able to absorb anything, and all words , letters, criss-cross my mind ! All I am left with is food for thought. I feel so tied up with worries of my own, some worries which neither have a face nor a name but they worry me deep inside ! Some nameless, faceless things make me mindless and create a turmoil all through my heart and I don’t even know whom to tell about it . ‘ Friend ‘ sounds like a mere word and to an unkn…

Light

The sun sets in the eastern sky
Gently carressing the ocean
Calming it’s violent waves
With it’s everlasting devotion
As the two meet
They join to form one
They try to remember
The meaning of what is done
Fish and dolphins in the ocean
Beauty surpassed only by love
Two lone turtle doves
Circling a lighthouse out there
Spreading their passion upon all the earth
We hear the waves in the coast
Do we really know what it means?
That maybe love is forever
And our love is everything
And if a shooting star ever,
Crashes into our ocean
We are bound together
Because devotion is the sweetest emotion
Maybe I’m a little scarred
Tired of living for sin
But now I’ve found you, my angel
And love never ends
The master spoke to me
He whispered gently to me
My chains were broken
Now I am free
Free to choose
And I choose to live for you…

Silly Love Song

This is just another silly love song I wrote for you
Each lyrics reinforcing this feeling’s truth
My pen trembles as I think of your hands
And how maybe this is the line that will make you understand
I think of your eyes and I write what I see
I can see you and I together eternally
Stand still and it’s as if I can feel your breath
I scribble what I feel til no words are left
Language is the greatest boundary of love
To truly express the feeling, there’s not enough words below or above
No mere sounds can describe
This feeling in my soul, which you can see through my eyes

Me

Being alone is my gift from the one whom I want to be with…..walk the endless track with bare feet in the search for u…hiding the grief within my eyes that will only look for u….I will keep in silence…as nothing I can do…only one thing….that keep loving u….!!!! Sometimes it seems as if u r ma entreaty….!!! I want protest against this thought as its more than true…A prayer that I’ll never get a prayer that seems going far away from me….loosing ma own umbra, as I have to walk towards the dark….!!!…

All I see is night…..blackness, death, and decay……My world turns dark as the blood red sunset is devoured by the hungry night sky…..,.The light that is my life slowly dies as if wounded and,….left in a cold dark forest to die……The once suffered children look up at me from their graves….the hole in

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As the fire of burning sun cools down
the fire inside my soul gets lighten up and bursts up and burns up high..
it makes hard for me to breath and to see and to listen..
I ask for some water
that i might feel some better
But i see blood..
so i try to bleed it all out..
and it helps to relax everynight..
against my crucified self.
My mind is sleeping and i willing to faint
waiting for the day to come
when this fucking blood is goin to end!
and there would be no way to relax..
or to get the pain out
and my soul is going to burn
and their desire will be done
the world will find my ashes
that my body will be burned

Optimisim

Everyday..everynight..
everything is just the same..
the only difference is
im afraid to dream again..
when you get the world in your hands
and u lose it all in just a glance..
what it feels like..
imagining is not hard
but suffering and surviving is!
resisting the despair turned out impossible for me.
And the darkness never seems to go away.
It refuses to give up!
i try..but then i get tired..
and once again i lose the optimism..

last goodbye

I’m reaching out to you but you’re not reaching back
SoI’m still stuck in the desolate plan I was always at
Darkness loses its beauty and slowly turns into fear
And it keeps getting scarier with each and every tear
I’d kill myself but I am not able
Years of rage filled sorrow have made my mind unstable
I can’t control my thoughts, which always seem to be about death
Scarred and burned so badly, no optimism is left
There’s no way to end the pain, I shall always be ill
Sick on the inside, but I don’t want the happy pills
Slowly losing self control, I can’t take this
Maybe I should bite my arms and just tear the skin away from my wrists
The blood would flow down, my face would show delight
I’ll only be happy when I die
I don’t want to cry, I’m sick of trying to survive
So to anyone who cares, this is my la…

Apathy

Don’t bring the sunshine to my parade
I’d rather burn than be forever saved
Underneath my coat I’m well armed
I don’t care about the carrer and charm
Look into my eyes and nothing’s what you see
No compassion and no fucking empathy
Yeah I’m a loner with my head down low
One voilent mother fucker with nowhere to go

Fuck all the poser wannabe niggers
I’ll bust a cap in all of the wiggers
I refuse to converse with those of no inteligence
To me, cars and bling are of no relevence
But I’ll write my poems and act all sad
Fuck you homophobe, I’d rather be mad
yeah I’m a loner with my head down low
One voilent mother fucker with nowhere to go

There’s nowhere for you to run
But can’t you see?
I don’t have a gun
My weapon is APATHY

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You cut out my tongue with the sharp knife of your indifference
Mute
My tears flow back into my eyes
My laughter hides behind the lips
Which flee from you

Through time and space
All journeys that I made to you
I repeat backwards
Each arrival just one more good bye

Each word I said
I stuff back in my throat
Each thought I thought
I finally reclaim

I take it all back
Everything you do not want and need
And most of all
I do take back
Myself

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