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70 Schitt’s Creek Quotes


Schitt’s Creek, the popular comedy from the minds of Eugene and Dan Levy follows the fictional Rose family and their trials and tribulations upon moving into a motel. When the formerly wealthy Rose family is forced to relocate to a town called ‘Schitt’s Creek’–which they had initially purchased as a joke– their patience with the run-down town (and each other) is put to the test. While there are so many hilarious moments between the characters, we’ve narrowed it down to this list of the best Schitt’s Creek quotes.

1. “We have no interest in what’s going on with you.” -Moira Rose
2. “David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.” -Moira Rose
3. “If that’s not a cause for alcohol, I don’t know what is.” -Moira Rose
4. “I would be pleased to RSVP as…pending.” -Moira Rose
5. “Let’s all go to bed and pray we don’t wake up.” -Moira Rose
6. “You do realize the bébé is crying?” -Moira Rose
7. “As much as I would love to contribute to the population growth of this town by way of teen pregnancies, I must decline.
8. “Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now.” -Moira Rose
9. “Alexis, don’t be ridiculous. That’s exactly the kind of paranoia that makes me weary of spending time with you.” -Moira Rose
10. “You just fold it in!” -Moira Rose

11. “The live crows on set welcomed me as one of their own. One even tried to mate.” -Moira Rose
12. “I may have been wrong. You may have been not wrong.” -Moira Rose
13. “Gossip is the devil’s telephone, Best to just hang up.” -Moira Rose
14. “The world is falling apart around us and I’m dying inside.” -Moira Rose
15. “What does burning smell like?” -Moira Rose
16. “You are blind to reality and for that I am most proud.” -Moira Rose
17. “Who has time amidst all this chaos?” -Moira Rose
18.”Who knows what will befall us tomorrow, John? You could be hit by a mack truck or bopped on the head by a tiny piece of space debris.” -Moira Rose
19. “Next step is to fold in the cheese.” -Moira Rose
20. “Why must you be so constantly irksome?” -Moira Rose

21. “If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.” -Moira Rose
22. “A heavy salad might as well be a casserole.” -Moira Rose
23. “I am suddenly overwhelmed with regret. It’s a new feeling for me, and I don’t find it at all pleasurable.” -Moira Rose
24. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but is this car your home?” -Moira Rose
25. “John, how was I to know you were in peril? You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam.” -Moira Rose
26. “I can’t feel my tongue. But I know it’s there because I’m talking.” -Moira Rose
27. “We’re all pitching in these days, dear. Like communists or non-union actors.” -Moira Rose
28. “Oh, someone has to hold it together. There’s a time and place for sentimentality, and your only son’s wedding day is hardly the moment.” -Moira Rose
29. “I’m eating egg whites and hoping the building will collapse.” -Moira Rose
30. “This wine is awful. Give me another glass.” -Moira Rose

Alexis Rose Quotes

ew david by emad14

31. “So this is weird. Today marks the longest relationship I’ve ever voluntarily had with someone.” -Alexis Rose
32. “I didn’t go missing, David. The FBI knew where I was the entire time.” -Alexis Rose
33. “I had a friend in Venice Beach who sold raw milk, and his whole compound was raided. He also sold drugs.” -Alexis Rose
34. It’s just a checkpoint. I’ve been through tons of these in Johannesburg. It’s like a drive through, except everyone has a gun.” -Alexis Rose
35. “I once passed off a mini horse and three guinea pigs as service animals, so anything is possible.” -Alexis Rose
36. “I don’t want to brag, but Us Weekly once described me as ‘up for anything.” -Alexis Rose
37. “Cosmo once included my photo in their list of world’s best sarongs, so let’s just say that I know my way around a beach.” -Alexis Rose
38. “I once maintained a semi-successful text relationship with Josh Hartnett while he was filming Pearl Harbor.” -Alexis Rose
39. “My best friend Summer used to date Hef in high school, which isn’t as weird as it sounds ‘cause he was like, a very young
40. “Ew, David!” -Alexis Rose
41. “I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think I’m funny and smart and charming.” – Alexis
42. “Love that journey for me.” -Alexis Rose
43. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, when it comes to love, you can’t let the little things get in your way.” -Alexis Rose
44. “I drove into the Prada store on Rodeo Drive. In fairness, it did look like the entrance to a parking garage. And I was high at the time.” -Alexis Rose
45. “I went on a blind date to Bali with Leo, so I’m pretty sure it’ll be fine.” -Alexis Rose

David Rose Quotes

I have asked you thrice by Risa Rodil

46. “The idea of me life coaching another human being should scare you…a lot.” -David Rose
47. “I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.” -David Rose
48. “I do not have a lot to my name right now, but I do have one thing: taste.”- David Rose
49. “I will not feel shame about the mall pretzels.” -David Rose
50. “Very uninterested in that opinion.” -David Rose
51. “I’m gonna need a stiff drink to get through this. Stiff.” -David Rose
52. “I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now.” -David Rose
53. “I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after the other, consecutively, in a row.” -David Rose
54. “The internet is a breeding ground for freaks.” -David Rose
55. “I have asked you thrice now for a towel.” -David Rose
56. “Just watch a season of Girls and do the opposite of what they do.” -David Rose
57. “I am suffering romantically right now.” -David Rose
58. “I thought I was shame eating in private.” -David Rose
59. “I like the wine, not the label.” -David Rose
60. “That’s a real quick ‘no’.” -David Rose

Rose Apothecary handcrafted with care by tessbuzz

Other Schitt’s Creek Quotes

Best Wishes, Warmest Regards – Schitt’s Creek by cloudhiker

61. “Tweet us on Facebook!” – Johnny Rose
62. “My car is worth less than your pants.” – Stevie Budd
63. “A hashtag? Is that two words?” – Johnny Rose
64. “I’d really like you to sing at my cousin’s funeral. She’s not dead, but she’s been coughing a lot lately.”-  Roland Schitt
55. “Yeah, last week she told me to dance like an Indonesian scarf caught in the wind. I don’t know even know what that looks like.” – Stevie Budd
66. “You’re my Mariah Carey.” -Patrick Brewer
67. “Yeah, last week she told me to dance like an Indonesian scarf caught in the wind. I don’t know even know what that looks like. ” -Stevie Budd
68. “It’s always gifts for the dogs and never for me. Definitely one of my pet peeves.” – Ted Mullens
69. “I’m only doing this because you called me rude and. I take that as a compliment.” – Stevie Budd
70. “Best wishes. Warmest regards.” – David Rose and Stevie Budd

That’s a wrap on our list of the best Schitt’s Creek quotes. Missing out on your fave fictional family? Us too. But, don’t worry, you can shop these designs and much more Schitt’s Creek merch now on Redbubble. From stickers and tshirts, to home decor and prints, we have everything you need to look ‘A Little Bit Alexis‘.

Hero image is Schitt’s Creek Memorable Quotes by beautifullove.

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