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75 Criminal Minds Quotes to Revisit the BAU

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Looking for the best quotes from Criminal Minds? You came to the right place. We can’t lie, as a Criminal Minds fan, it’s hard to narrow down our favorite sayings. Between witty quips from Reid, to hilarious phone pick-ups from Garcia, it almost seemed too hard to choose, but we gave it our best shot. Below is our official list of the best quotes from Criminal Minds.

Spencer Reid Quotes

spencer reid criminal minds sticker on waterbottleReid by Phoebe Lindo

Ah, Spencer Reid. Charming, intelligent, nerdy, and dare we say devilishly handsome? What’s not to love? These Spencer Reid quotes will make you wish you worked for the FBI.

1. “You should see what comes up when you type ‘death’ into a search engine.” -Spencer Reid
2. “I never have any normal fans.” -Spencer Reid
3. “Actually, it’s more like we’re looking for a needle in a pile of needles. A needle would stand out in a haystack.” -Spencer Reid
4. “This is calm. And it’s ‘doctor’.” -Spencer Reid
5. “I totally saved your life. And I’m pretty certain it was caught on tape.” -Spencer Reid
6. “I got shot in the leg and I don’t get any cookies.” -Spencer Reid
7. “That makes no sense. You can’t catch a falling star, it would burn up in the atmosphere.” -Spencer Reid
8. “Look at me. Without a gun I look like a teacher’s assistant!” -Spencer Reid
9. “What’s Twilight?” -Spencer Reid
10. “I don’t believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words per minute. Yes, I’m a genius.” -Spencer Reid

spencer reid criminal minds spiral notebookSpencer Reid quote by Olivia Grace

11. “I don’t hate you. I’m just not necessarily excited by your existence.” -Spencer Reid
12. “I know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind.” -Spencer Reid
13. “Although the observable universe is continually expanding, there’s really no way of knowing the whole thing is gonna ultimately collapse into one gargantuan Black Hole.” -Spencer Reid
14. “Logic dictates that if you believe in one, you have to reconcile the existence of the other.” -Spencer Reid
15. “Hotch, repetitive thinking is a death mill for the brain. For complete brain usage, diverse stimulation is the key.” -Spencer Reid
16. “Bullying leaves lasting scars.” – Spencer Reid
17. “Actually, some studies indicate that men take twice as many selfies as women ’cause it’s considered to be an acceptable form of male vanity.” -Spencer Reid
18. “Evil can’t be scientifically defined. It’s an illusory moral concept that doesn’t exist in nature. Its origins and connotations have been inextricably linked to religion and mythology.” -Spencer Reid
19. “Believe me when I say this, I’ve never known a normal day in my entire life. “ -Spencer Reid
20. “The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It’s actually safer to kiss.” -Spencer Reid

Derek Morgan Quotes

Derek Morgan quotes are always a hit. His smooth talker ways and funny responses have resulted in some of the best lines from the show.

21. “I don’t take kindly to being blown up. In fact, it kind of pisses me off.” -Derek Morgan
22. “Harming a person weaker than you doesn’t take any special ability.” -Derek Morgan
23. “Is it even possible for somebody to live completely offline these days?” -Derek Morgan
24. “OK, let me get you on a secret: Guys, we don’t do well on subtle clues, OK? You got to be direct, straight up. Just tell him exactly what you want!” -Derek Morgan
25. “No matter how awful you think it is, I promise you are not alone.” -Derek Morgan
26. “Hey girl, you’re on speaker so behave.” -Derek Morgan
27. “I better not find any photoshopped pictures of me on your computer.” -Derek Morgan
28. “This world needs all of its beautiful ladies, and that includes you.” -Derek Morgan
29. “Out of all the bad things we see on a daily basis, I am still amazed at all the good.” -Derek Morgan
30. “I thought I was calling the office of Supreme Genius.” -Derek Morgan

31. “Hey, babygirl.” -Derek Morgan
32. “Dude? You’re way too tense.” -Derek Morgan
33. “Well, see, my code of survival says never mess with a woman carrying a gun.” -Derek Morgan
34. “It’s always been you.” -Derek Morgan
35. “Hey dollface, ready to work some magic for me?” -Derek Morgan
36. “Aww, poor baby. Try not to let the tears hit the paper, it gets a little messy.” -Derek Morgan
37. “You know, we forget half of what they teach us in school, but when it comes to the torment and the people who inflicted it, we’ve all got an elephant’s memory.”- Derek Morgan
38. “No wonder you can’t find a date.”- Derek Morgan
39. “The only thing I was afraid of was the dark.” -Derek Morgan
40. “Goon squad or no goon squad, that couch right there is going to be my best friend until we catch this guy. Now leave it alone.” -Derek Morgan

Penelope Garcia Quotes

male and female modeling penelope garcia criminal minds shirtPenelope Garcia drawing by Brenda Lee

How can we possibly narrow down the endless list of Penelope Garcia quotes? Everyone’s favorite tech analyst is chock-full of hilarious openers.

41. “All hail the goddess of information.” -Penelope Garcia
42. “Your friendly neighborhood Oracle of all things knowable and unknowable at your service.” – Penelope Garcia
43. “You are a statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder.” -Penelope Garcia
44. “Rainmaker, how wet do you want it?” -Penelope Garcia
45. “Peaches, this is the Office of Unmitigated Superiority. I am always ready.” -Penelope Garcia
46. “Wish, you; command, me.” -Penelope Garcia
47. “Fount of all knowledge, check my flow!” -Penelope Garcia
48. “Getting into someone’s mind and trying to find the god-awful thing that happened to them that made them do the God-awful thing to somebody else has seriously impaired my ability to giggle and it makes my brain all wonky and I don’t like it.” -Penelope Garcia
49. “Office of Unfettered Omniscience – how may I help you, O fortunate one?” -Penelope Garcia
50.”Oracle of Quantico. Speak if you deign to hear truth!” -Penelope Garcia

criminal minds penelope garcia quote tote bagPenelope Garcia quote by Baubaddie

51. “Speak and be recognized by your empress, mortal!” -Penelope Garcia
52. “You, my fine furry friends, are welcome.” -Penelope Garcia
53. “Those jock guys are always such jerks.” -Penelope Garcia
54. “I haven’t slept this week. Might as well give up eating.” -Penelope Garcia
55. “When they do a ‘Men of the FBI’ calendar, is it just you?” -Penelope Garcia
56. “Enchantress of all things possible, use your imagination.” -Penelope Garcia
57. “Fair warning, cupcake. As much as I love you and our witty banter, I’m all out of witty and banter, and I’m struggling with love.” -Penelope Garcia
58. “I want to believe that the world is just teeming with awesome people but all of this is giving me great pause … I want to go back to cyberspace.” -Penelope Garcia
59. “If it walks like a duck and looks like a duck, then it’s a duck, and frankly I think you’re up to your knees in a duckpond.”- Penelope Garcia
60. “You’re waiting for a potential murderer to come home? Kind of dangerous. Kind of sexy.” -Penelope Garcia

More Criminal Minds Quotes

criminal minds fbi bau laptop caseBAU logo by theatreheathen

Still looking for more quotes from Criminal Minds? We’re not done just yet.

61. “I’ve always heard every ending is also a new beginning, we just don’t know it at the time, I’d like to believe that’s true.” -Emily Prentiss
62. “Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.” – David Rossi
63. “I spent most of my childhood looking for a 1958 nickel valued at over 10 thousand dollars. (everyone stares) Yes, I was a little bit of a nerd, is that so surprising?” -Aaron Hotchner
64. “There are monsters and it’s okay to be afraid of them, but it’s not okay to let them win and it’s not okay to be one.” -JJ
65. “He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI.” -David Rossi
66. “I know you see the good in people, Penelope, always. And I would never want you to change that.” -Aaron Hotchner
67. “I played a lot of online scrabble with some girl named Cheeto Breath.” -Emily Prentiss
68. “This is going to hit you, and when it does, there’s only three facts you need to know. You did what you had to do, and a lot of good people are alive because of what you did…(and third) I’m proud of you.” -Jason Gideon
69. “Please don’t tell me you have a crush on a fictional character.” -JJ
70. “Dr. Reid, our expert on…well, everything.” -Aaron Hotchner

model wearing criminal minds white and pink wheels up in 30 maskWheels up in 30 by emj097

71. “Wheels up.” – Aaron Hotchner
72. “Out there in the field, ‘sorry’ doesn’t bring people back.” -Emily Prentiss
73. “What’s vacation time?” -Jason Gideon
74. “You look like a pipecleaner with eyes!” -Trailer park manager
75. “Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what’s happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place?” -Aaron Hotchner

Did we get your favorite quotes from Criminal Minds? We hope so. Looking to find more Spencer Reid art? We’ve got that covered.  From Criminal Minds apparel to collectibles, you can discover all your favorite Criminal Minds quotes and designs created by fans  just like you.

Hero image is Criminal Minds: The Team by SamanthaWoodke

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