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34 Chris Farley Quotes to Make You Laugh in Your Van Down by the River


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Known for his energetic, physical and over-the-top comedy style and a penchant for pranks on set, comedian Chris Farley loved to make people laugh, and he wasn’t afraid to embarrass himself in the process. Unfortunately, his humor masked his inner demons, and his comedic genius was cut short by a drug overdose in 1997 at age 33, just like his idol Jim Belushi.

Whether he was playing Matt Foley, an overly enthusiastic motivational speaker, on “Saturday Night Live” or an underachieving son trying to save his father’s business in “Tommy Boy,” Farley delivered some memorable lines. Read on for 35 Chris Farley quotes. Did your favorite make our list?

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Funny Chris Farley Quotes

Farley wasn’t just funny when he was in character. He was also funny in interviews. He wasn’t afraid to be self-deprecating, and his wit often revealed a deeper understanding of his identity and purpose in life.

1. “Basically I only play one character; I just play him at different volumes.”

2. “I went and worked for my dad after school. I’d show up late and stuff like that.” 

3. “I can’t help it. I want to be a good Catholic, but I’m a hedonist.”

4. “I remember one time in school when all the nuns in my Catholic school got around in a semicircle, me and my mom in the middle, and they said, ‘Mrs. Farley, the children at school are laughing at Christopher, not with him.’ I thought who cares as long as they’re laughing.”

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5. “People need a time to laugh. It’s up to us to bonk ourselves on the head and slip on a banana peel so the average guy can say, ‘I may be bad, honey, but I’m not as much of an idiot as that guy on the screen.’”

6. “Everybody laughs when fatty falls down.”

7. “I was in the Pritikin Center in Santa Monica once, trying to lose 30 or 40 pounds in a month. I’d work … on a treadmill and with the weights, but it was driving me nuts. So I escaped. Tom Arnold picked me up and we went to Le Dome and had tons of desserts.”

8. “I signed on as the clown, and, by golly, I’ll keep up my end of the bargain.” 

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Chris Farley Movie Quotes

Released in 1992, “Wayne’s World” marked Farley’s movie debut, but most fans consider “Tommy Boy” (1995) his best film. Farley’s other famous films include “Black Sheep” (1996), “Beverly Hills Ninja” (1997), “Almost Heroes” (1998) and “Dirty Work” (1998). Here are some of Farley’s best “Tommy Boy” quotes and a few memorable ones from his other movies.

9. “I hate my father. I hate my life. But I feel great! You guys are great! I’m gonna go pick a fight!” (“Wayne’s World 2”)

10. “I know from experience, dude.” (“Billy Madison”)

11. “Everybody on? Good! Great! Grand! Wonderful! No yelling on the bus!” (“Billy Madison”)

12. “Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.” (“Tommy Boy”)

13. “The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn’t a crazy glue sniffer?” (“Tommy Boy”)

14. “I have what the doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.” (“Tommy Boy”)

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15. “I could’ve done without that.” (“Tommy Boy”)

16. “Fat guy in a little coat.” (“Tommy Boy”)

17. “They say in the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king. Well, in the land of the skunks, the man with half a nose is king.” (“Dirty Work”)

18. “I’m just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants.” (“Black Sheep”)

19. “The inside of my belt is like the inside of a coffin on a moonless night.” (“Beverly Hills Ninja”)

20. “Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead, Tanley!” (“Beverly Hills Ninja”)

21. “Hey, did you hear the one about the lady who backed into a fan? It was a disaster. Dis-assed her.” (“Beverly Hills Ninja”)

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Chris Farley SNL Quotes

During his five seasons on “SNL,” Farley played various roles, but the most iconic is his motivational speaker Matt Foley, known for living in a van down by the river. 

Other prominent characters included Todd O’Connor of Bill Swerski’s Superfans, one of the Gap Girls and Bennett Brauer, who joined Weekend Update to comment on political events but shared his personal issues using air quotes to humorous effect. In a recurring sketch called The Chris Farley Show, he played himself asking terrible questions and frequently going off topic while interviewing the show’s guests.

22. “My name is Matt Foley. I’m 35 years old, I am divorced and I live in a van down by the river.” (“Matt Foley”)

23. “Well, la-di freakin’ da! We got ourselves a writer here. Hey, Dad, I can’t see too good. Is that Bill Shakespeare over there?” (“Matt Foley”)

24. “Just shut your big yapper!” (“Matt Foley”)

25. “Hey you kids are probably saying to yourselves: I’m gonna go out there and grab the world by the tail and wrap it around and pull it down and put it in my pocket. Well I’m here to tell you that you’re probably going to find out, as you go there, that you’re not going to amount to jack squat!” (“Matt Foley”)

26. “One of your films was very controversial. It was ‘The Last Temptation of Christ’ based on the book by um … Nicosca …Nicocasscus.” (“The Chris Farley Show” with Martin Scorcese)

27. “Remember when you were with the Beatles? That was awesome.” (“The Chris Farley Show” with Paul McCartney)

28. “Lay off me, I’m starving!” (“Gap Girls”)

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29. “Oh, you know that Saturday Night Live show? Ah, it got way worse … Oh yeah, it’s just sad, they got that fat guy screaming all the time, come on, pull the plug on that thing.” (“Bill Swerski’s Super Fans” character Todd O’Connor)

30. “That makes a baker’s dozen, Bob.” (“Bill Swerski’s Super Fans” character Todd O’Connor after having a heart attack and another character asks how many he’s had)

31. “This one’s just fibrillations. I just gotta limit my pork intake to 400 grams a day … The doc says I got a piece of Polish sausage lodged in the lining of my heart.” (“Bill Swerski’s Super Fans” character Todd O’Connor)

32. “Let my scabs heal.” (“Weekend Update” character Bennett Brauer)

33. “I’m flying! I’m flying! Holy schnikies!” (“Weekend Update” character Bennett Brauer)

34. “I am El Nino. Yo soy El Nino. For those of you who don’t habla espanol, El Nino is Spanish for The Nino.” (“The Weather Channel” character El Nino)

This list of 35 Chris Farley quotes showcases the comedian’s most memorable moments. The world can use more laughter, so spread the laughs with unexpected gifts, like these Chris Farley products. For more quotes, check out our list of quotes from Alfred Hitchcock and Schitt’s Creek.

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