Torture Journal Entries

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• Macabre...Know What it is?
  by Jake Easley

  Main Entry: ma·ca·bre / Pronunciation: (m-käbr, m-käb, -käbr) / Function: adjective / Etymology: French, from (danse) macabre dance of dea…

  Main Entry: ma·ca·bre / Pronunciation: (m-käbr, m-käb, -käbr) / Function: adjective / Etymology: French, from (danse) macabre dance of death, from Middle French (danse de) Macabré / 1 : having death as a subject : comprising or including a personalized representation of death / 2 : dwelling on the gruesome / 3 : tending to produce horror in a beholder / synonym see GHASTLY Any horror fans here? Yea…me neither? But, I do have a fondness for darkside images. Why? I don’t know. I have an entire list of dark image ideas I’ve jotted down over the last year. They just pop into my head. Why do I bring it up? Because it’s still photography. Unlike nature, structures, wildlife etc, the horror and macabre field takes some planning. I think that’s why I find them so rewarding. You have to envision a final image and make it happen, from start to finish. There are almost always going to be some type of props involved to portray the visual aspect of horror. But not always I guess? Why all this babble? Because like I said, I’m a fan of the photography side. So I’ve a few images to post that touch on the subject. I’ll mark each one as being sensitive (or whatever the check box is for adult content). But that may not stop you from seeing them. So…if you don’t to care to see some possibly disturbing images, you may not want to watch me anymore. The images will be tagged with the words this journal are tagged with. I’m not trying to chase anyone away, I just want everyone to know that it’s not all about HDR, humor and happy faces with me. Thanks for looking, reading and responding to all I’ve had to offer so far. If I get a big “we don’t want to see it” response, maybe I’ll hold off? We’ll see….

• If You Love Animals - Please Sign to Get This Man Stopped!!!
  by Angela Harburn

  My dear Animal Loving Red Bubblers – my good friend Elisabeth – ferndesign – posted this in her journal today – it is extremely distressi…

  My dear Animal Loving Red Bubblers – my good friend Elisabeth – ferndesign – posted this in her journal today – it is extremely distressing to read. May I ask that you take a couple of moments to click on the link at the bottom and sign your name to the petition to stop this appalling thing happening. Please spread the word about this to your friends both on and off RB – the more people that put their name to this – the more chance it will be stopped! Thank you for taking the time to care for those that cannot speak for themselves! / Angela x Taken from ferndesign’s journal An Artist that shouldn’t be recognized in the Art world!!! In 2007, the ‘artist’ Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, took a dog from the street, tied him to a rope in an art gallery, and starved him to death. For several days, the ‘artist’ and the visitors of the exhibition have watched emotionless the shameful ‘masterpiece’ based on the dog’s agony, until eventually he died. Does it look like art to you? But this is not all… the prestigious Visual Arts Biennial of the Central American decided that the ‘installation’ was actually art, so that Guillermo Vargas Habacuc has been invited to repeat his cruel action for the biennial of 2008. PLEASE HELP STOP HIM. It takes a second to help put a stop to animal abuse – Sign the petetion to stop this by Clicking Here Another animal advocate and dear friend Sally Omar has added a further link that we can contact – please visit her journal page Click Here / if you wish to email PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) to help get this terrible thing stopped – Thank you! xxx Additional Comment Added 14/04/08 – If anyone can suggest any other organisation that could be contacted to help stop this – please leave a comment to let us know – I will post it on as a further journal message. Thank you! xxx

• Please take a look at this!!
  by Annika Strömgren

  Sign the petition to stop this cruelty! / Save the moonbears / Makes me so sad to read about th…

  Sign the petition to stop this cruelty! / Save the moonbears / Makes me so sad to read about this….

• You too can help to stop bullfighting.
  by Astrid Pardew

  From the moment the bull enters the ring, he is…

  From the moment the bull enters the ring, he is destined to die. His death will be slow and painful, and the last moments of his life will be full of terror and confusion as he hears the sounds of a jeering crowd. For the bull, bullfighting is no “competition”. It is simply slaughter for human entertainment. During a typical bullfight, the bull is first taunted by picadors – men who ride on the backs of blindfolded horses and thrust metal lances into the terrified bull’s back and neck, twisting and gouging the lances in order to impair the bull’s ability to move and ensure that he loses as much blood as possible. Next, banderilleros run around the bull and plunge banderillas – brightly coloured harpoon sticks – into his already bloodied and mutilated back. The harpoons tear the animal’s flesh, adding to his torment. When the bull is significantly weakened, the banderilleros run in circles around him until he is too dizzy and weak to continue. Then the matador appears and provokes the exhausted animal into charging once more. The matador often doesn’t succeed in killing the bull, which adds to the animal’s suffering. If the matador doesn’t kill the bull, an executioner is called in to sever the bull’s spinal cord with a dagger. In a final act of degradation, the bull is then dragged from the arena by his horns. The bull is often still conscious and twitching as his ears and tail are cut off and held up as “trophies” before the jeering crowd. The slaughter and torment of an animal should not be cause for celebration. This barbaric blood sport must end. There is perhaps no better example of the suffering endured by bulls used for this cruel sport than the annual “Running of the Bulls”, in which terrified bulls – who will eventually be killed – are forced to run through the streets of Pamplona while spectators hit and goad them. Bullfighting is a cruel, abhorrent blood sport that should have been relegated to the history books a long time ago. We need your help today to stop the torment, / mutilation and death of these magnificent animals. Please help by signing this petition The above-image was kindly posted to me by kjgordon

• MURDER
  by JaneAParis

  I love you Claire and Mitchell. This is an e-mail I sent to my friend Shanina. I will talk to you on Sunday Claire, if you are there. Lov…

  I love you Claire and Mitchell. This is an e-mail I sent to my friend Shanina. I will talk to you on Sunday Claire, if you are there. Love Mommy. / / No Shanina, I am not okay. This is an e-mail I just sent to my daughter. I have been begging for medical care ever since I have been back in America. (Five years now). They have denied me over and over. For the last year especially I have felt the sickness in my body enter into places where it can become terminal and deadly. My right side internal organs and my head. I have been made to sit here and suffer while they do nothing. I have begged for medical care over and over. / / I wrote this to my daughter / I am sick Claire. Your daddy and all these other people are murdering me. They base my health care on my relationships instead of my right as a human being to medical care. They are making me die. I think they have waited to long already. They have left an infection in my body and it is killing me. They have let it enter my internal organs and my head. They knowingly disrespect, torture me and deny me medical care. I can barely urinate, and bacteria is crawling in me and through my body. It is eating at my scalp and insides. They think it is funny. They torture me every day. When I eat, when I go to the bathroom, when I shower, and everthing I do. They insult and abuse me. Every day they emotionally abuse me and insult me. I want to talk to you everyday. I have been saying that for a long time, but you don’t understand. We are losing our bond. And Mitchell too. How about just before you go to bed. It does not have to be long. Only ten minutes. I will make a date with you right now. It is called shared talk on the internet. Go in and log into it. I will meet you on Sunday at eight, okay? I love you very much, Always and Forever, Mommy. / / If you want to talk to me too, Shanina, I can talk to you on this site. It is called shared talk. It is a language exchange site. We would have to make a date and time to do it. I am very sick and weak right now. I sleep alot. That is because the infection is in my right side and my head. Basically they are murdering me Shanina. If you deny someone medical care, and leave them ill, and intentionally let an infection spread through their body, – the outcome will be death. / / Thank you for caring – There are so many people here who hate me abuse me when I have done nothing to them. Just politics, that is their reason to murder me. / / Your friend, Smiles from Jane. :)

• A NEW AMERICA A NEW WORLD
  by caroline (caux)-Evans

  A NEW DAWN / A SENSE OF PRIDE / A SENSE OF PEACE / RELIEF / JOY / HAPPINESS / THANKFULLNESS / HEADS UP FOR SO MANY / JUSTICE / THE EAGLE CAN NO…

  A NEW DAWN / A SENSE OF PRIDE / A SENSE OF PEACE / RELIEF / JOY / HAPPINESS / THANKFULLNESS / HEADS UP FOR SO MANY / JUSTICE / THE EAGLE CAN NOW FLY / HEALING CAN TAKE PLACE / AMONG THE PEOPLES / TEARS OF JOY

• waiting... (yes, more on that!)
  by michael delmar

  Is waiting not the most torturous experience a human being can endure? The inevitability of the coming event coupled with the angst a…

  Is waiting not the most torturous experience a human being can endure? The inevitability of the coming event coupled with the angst associated with the unknown is more than I can certainly contain within myself without blurting spasms of gargled noise and displaying hints of torrettes! Although, waiting to be tortured could possibly be more torturous than waiting to be graded in some menial class. And being tortured would certainly be more torturous than the waiting that precedes it. But most of all the most torturous of tortures would be reading about someone winging about waiting and not being able to do anything about it because of proximity issues. O! how I pity you, dear reader!

• Why?
  by elizabethrose05

  Why do people [[commit suicide]]? / Why do people [[cut]] themselves? / Why do [[kids]] become [[anorexic]] and [[bulimic]]? / Why do kids b…

  Why do people [[commit suicide]]? / Why do people [[cut]] themselves? / Why do [[kids]] become [[anorexic]] and [[bulimic]]? / Why do kids bring [[guns]] to school? / Why do kids get [[depressed]] so they start using meds.. and [[abusing]] them? / Why do girls feel they need to act like [[sluts]] to impress boys? / Why can’t people show their [[sexuality]] freely, without worrying about being Judged? / In the Bill of Rights, it says we have [[FREEDOM OF SPEECH]]! So why are we so [[afraid]] to speak up for ourselves? / ..CLIQUES.. / “Whores” / “Geeks” / “Goths” / “Emos” / And thats not even half of them.. [[Society in General]] We Live in a world where if you’re not [[SKINNY]], not [[BEAUTIFUL]], not [[SEXY]], or not [[STRAIGHT]].... you’re [[TORTURED]], [[ABUSED]], and [[HUMILIATED]]. We say that we are all [[EQUAL]] but there is still [[RACISM]], [[SEXISM]] and people judging others based on their religion, colour, size and heritage…. It’s scary… but it’s so very true….. / Dont be afraid to speak up when you want to, because if you don’t, you’ll miss out oh a hell of a lot in life..dont feel you need to be skinny, straight, or pretty.. to be beautiful. True beauty lies beneath the skin. All we see is what the we want to see.. not what we should.. Beth

• LETTER TO CLAIRE
  by JaneAParis

  Dear Claire, I doubt that you will even get this message. I think much of what I tell you is filtered, and I never am able to really tell…

  Dear Claire, I doubt that you will even get this message. I think much of what I tell you is filtered, and I never am able to really tell you the truth of the mental abuse I am subjected to all the time, by the people who surround me. It is instigated by the police, I know this and your father is part of it. I want you to understand Claire because I love you. But it is so hard to explain. It is fundamentally about the truth and respect Claire. These people that surround me treat me with disrespect and allow me to have no real control over my life. Your father is part of this. It is a terrible thing that they have done to make me sit here and feel my body rot. I am very ill. When I came to this place Claire, I was ill but I was not this ill. Your father and all of these other lying persecuting people have stood by and let my insides rot out, I am probably going to die, very knowingly, they have tortured me and made me suffer greatly. They tell me not to tell you, they pretend they are trying to protect you (they hide behind lies), when they are the ones causing the harm in the first place, and how does it protect you to murder your mother, torture her, and keep her in bondage. The truth is they don’t want you to know how they abuse me. They are bad people Claire. They treat me with terrible disrespect, and they sexually abuse me. The sexual abuse comes from the fact that they have made me powerless and ill, so the only solution to my problems is to be with a man and they know that. I am very controlled and abused and I live in fear. It is not that I do not want to be with a man Claire, but I do not want to be with a man based on bondage, lies, and disrespect and no alternatives. I want to be a person like others, but I am not allowed, and now I can not even if I wanted to because I am too ill. I never leave this place because I feel so bad. I ask myself sometimes why your father would stand by and let them leave an infection in my body until I died. I have no answers, I do not understand why he ever needed to do any of this. He, and these other people are murdering me, with their lies and abuse. They think because there is a whole bunch of them and one of me that they can make anything the truth, and it works to a certain extent, but Claire it is not the truth. The truth is I love you and Mitchell, I was a good mother and wife, until your daddy hurt me. I do not deserve to lose my life because he needs to play games of disrespect with the police and others, but that is what is happening. They have tortured me endlessly, and now it might be too late. They have let the bad stuff go on inside of my body until no one will be able to save me and I will die, and Claire they are responsible. All the people here who have denied me medical care and your father. They are very evil people that do not care about the truth or what is right. Withholding medicine from a human being for the purposes of control and abuse is torture and it is immoral and wrong. They are master manipulators, and they are more concerned with abusing and disrespecting me than with doing what is right. I love you forever and always my beautiful daughter. I love Mitchell too. You deserve to know the truth. I do not think I am going to survive Claire, my body just can not take anymore. I am in a lot of pain, they are really hurting me. I want to be free Claire, free of them and their dirty stinking disrespect, lies and abuse. They smell. They put vileness and defeat into my life where it would not be otherwise. Do you think that I would not be with you if it was not for all of this. You and I and Mitchell were meant to be together forever. It is not fate that has created this Claire. It was not my choice. It was the police, your father and politics that tore me away from you where I belong. And they have made me so weak and ill that I can be nothing for you. This is not what you deserve. I was your armor and your amour. Your love. I loved you and protected you. They have taken that from you and I hate them for it. Of course I do not want to be here Claire. These dirty stinking people never leave me alone with their vileness and filth. They call me a toilet and abuse me in just about every way that you can think is possible. Just to let me sit here and beg for medical care in itself is a dirty vile thing to do to a human being. I want you to know the truth because that is what you deserve and nothing less. I love you forever and always. Eternally and unconditionally, and Mitchell too. Mommy—- I got your message Mommy—- Good, because I love you and I want to be free. I can not love you if I am not free. Do you understand? I have been hurt greatly. People will not stop, including your father. That is why I am not with you. I miss you so much. It hurts me that this is our reality. I need my health back Claire. I need my body. Please make them give me back my body. I don’t want to be in pain anymore. Make them heal me Claire. They smell Claire. I wish I could make them go away. They are bad people. I love you. If you can help to set me free please do. I think that it is really you that has the power. More than anythiing - I love you forever. I am very tired. I need to be released physically from the hell I am being kept in Claire. Please make them put me back together. Love Mommy.

• TORTURE AND ABUSE
  by JaneAParis

  Hi Claire, The problem in my body really hurts. I have told them here where I reside that I need medicine and medical care. They always p…

  Hi Claire, The problem in my body really hurts. I have told them here where I reside that I need medicine and medical care. They always play games with my medical care. There is always some factor of intimidation or control. If I am in pain with an infection in my body, and I can not urinate I should not be made to sit here endlessly with no medical attention or medicine. The last time I went to the clinic where they abuse me with mind games and lies, they told me that I was covered for medical care under a grant for the homeless and that I was an established patient. (I am homeless because they made me homeless by harrassing me at every job I have had, the police and others did this). Now they won’t even make an appointment for me and they know I have an infection in my body. That is because they left an intentional problem in my body. That is why they keep giving me antibiotics. It needs to be healed with surgery. I have requested the correct kind of doctor, a gynecologist or urologist. They snuck a nurse in to see me that is a psychiatric nurse, they lie to me and do not tell me this. I have a physical problem, not a mental problem. She asks me how much pain I am in, and I tell her it is ten. Extremely painful, I cannot urinate, walk, have sex, run, exercise, or any of the other things that other people do and take for granted every day without pain. After I tell her these things she starts in about my mind and ignores my physical needs. This is torture Claire. They are doing it very intentionally. This is the kind of abuse I have been subjected to for the last thirteen years of my life. There is something wrong with my body, not my mind, and they know it because they left me not put together like this on purpose. They are torturing me. They are completely capable of providing the correct medical care and medicine to me, but they refuse too and keep playing psychological, mental, sexual, emotional, and financial abuse games. They look at me and tell me “To just HANG IN THERE”, (referring to the part of my body that they know is not put together correctly because they very intentionally left it like that. At the end of the visit last time, about six months ago she wrote a prescription for antibiotics. Funny, that she does this, since they keep denying that I have this physical problem but then they give me medicine because they know that if they don’t I will become very ill and eventually die. This is how they also control me. To keep me dependent and needing the antibiotics because they will not heal the problem in my body that they are fully aware of. They are torturing me and they lie to me and play games constantly. This is all costing you and Mitchell because if I am kept ill, it is ultimately you and Mitchell who pay. And I, you and Mitchell should not have to pay to have them put me back together, after torturing me for thirteen years when they are the ones who intentionally took me apart. I love you Forever and Always, Eternally and Unconditionally - Mommy. I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

• China in Tibet
  by Gregory John O'Flaherty

  I just watched a documentary on China in Tibet. Forced steralisation, forced removal of nomads from ancient lands, imprisonment for prote…

  I just watched a documentary on China in Tibet. Forced steralisation, forced removal of nomads from ancient lands, imprisonment for protest, torture etc etc etc. BOYCOT THE OLYMPICS

• The Medieval Inquisition...and the torture techniques developed from it...
  by JaneAParis

  Extract from Web Page http://www.cathar.info/1209_inquisition.htm regarding the The Medieval Inquisition…and the torture techniques dev…

  Extract from Web Page http://www.cathar.info/1209_inquisition.htm regarding the The Medieval Inquisition…and the torture techniques developed from it… Many of the techniques developed by the Medieval Inquisition were picked up and used by later totalitarian regimes and police states. Among them are the creation of racial and religious ghettos; the forcible wearing of “badges of shame”; formalised propaganda and forgery; spying; seizure of property, threats, false promises, intimidation and torture; and disregard for what has long been regarded as natural justice. It is difficult to find any technique of modern totalitarianism that was not pioneered by the Medieval Inquisition, right down to the good cop / bad cop routine; physical restraint; the separation of families; sexual humiliation; the use of agents provocateurs and listening tubes; false promises of leniency; and softening up new victims using psychological techniques such as leaving them for weeks, cold and hungry, isolated in cells within hearing distance of the torture chamber. Interesting huh, human beings are capable of such great evil…I know, I have had to live under political persecution for years and years and years…

• Email to Claire
  by JaneAParis

  I am being abused and your father is part of it and letting it happen. It is not normal or right to leave an infection in anyone’s body C…

  I am being abused and your father is part of it and letting it happen. It is not normal or right to leave an infection in anyone’s body Claire. The reason I was forced to leave you and Mitchell is because I was ill and your father abused with with this infection and by denying me health care and the same thing is still going on. I have been made to suffer for thirteen years now, these people have no decency including your father, they are doing this to me on purpose. They are putting me in the position of having to sleep with men for health care because they won’t provide what is something that should be provided quite normally, no excuses, we don’t leave infections in human beings bodies. I am being tortured. They just ignore my pleas for medical care and every day I feel crap inside of me eating at my bladder, kidneys, and liver. No mistake I am very ill. They know what they are doing Claire. It is very intentional. They know that it does not show on the outside, very much. They know that they can leave me like this to suffer for long periods of time. They are bad people that hide behind lies. I might look alright on the outside, but I am not alright on the inside and they know it. They are bad people. I never did anything to your father to deserve any of this. I loved my family, I loved him, and I loved and love you and Mitchell. He is a horrible person to leave me like this, at the mercy of these vultures. He is a horrible person to have done this to me in the first place. I remember how excitied I was when we all got in the car to go to the hospital to have Mitchell. I loved my family and I was looking forward to having my second child. I never could have imagined that I would be raped by the doctor, my husband and the police. When I say rape, I mean that they violated me sexually by injuring me (hurting me, cutting me) on purpose, and then they left a very intentional infection in my body. I stayed with you and Mitchell for many many years ill, because I loved you so much, while your father denied me medical care and tortured me. I finally had to leave. The last time I was in France I was in the hospital for over a month. Claire, people do not get put in the hospital for over a month unless they are intensely ill. I have tried to reason with your father to see that I get something very basic that I need, health care. But he continues to ignore me. He does not care about me or what I am to you and Mitchell at all, your mother. I need my health to function, and as long as I am denied medicine my health is being put in extreme jeopardy. Something is eating at my insides Claire, this is bad and it could kill me. Why should I care about staying someplace where people treat me like garbage and torture me Claire. Your father gives me no reason to care about anything, he won’t allow me see you and Mitchell, I doubt he tells you the truth about how he has really treated me, and he won’t do the right thing and put my body back together so that I can be a mother to you and Mitchell. These people and your father treat me like a dog. I am something to be owned and abused by a man. And if I am not with a man then I can accomplish nothing, I am forced to be desperate and live in poverty because they won’t allow me to succeed on my own. They play with my mind, abuse me emotionally, sexually, financially, spiritually, and etc…, they make me live in terrible pain with an infection eating at the insides of my body and they lie about me. They are driving me insane. I want to love you and Mitchell but I am not being allowed too. I can not even see you. I have not talked to Mitchell in over two years. And I do not get to really talk to you either, just an email every once in a while. And the emails I send to you, I wonder how much you really get to read, and how much is being filtered out by the liars that surround me, the police. The police I believe are the leaders of all of this. They are the ones that have made my life a miserable hell, and they get other people to abuse me as well. I do not understand how they can keep me in endless slavery with their philosophy that everyone has rights but me, but somehow they manage. I have been forced to live in incredible fear for a decade and a half now because they can get away with doing anything to me. Anything. They make anything the truth. I am very angry because every day I sit here while my health deteriorates, they are torturing me and murdering me and no one will do anything about it or make them do the right thing. So basically Claire, I can not do the right thing. And not only can I not do the right thing, I do not care about it anymore because it is costing me too much. I have no life and I am losing my health. Their is no reward for loving you or Mitchell. I do not get to see you or interact with you or be part of your lives. No one cares that by hurting me they hurt you and Mitchell. I am being kept down on purpose and people lie about it so I can give nothing to you or Mitchell, NOTHING, and it is not my fault. I would be better of elsewhere, and probably this would be better for you and Mitchell too, since here all I have to look forward to is slimy people who want to abuse me never-endingly and lie about it including your father. They, (the police), took my car, and that was my only means to come and see you and Mitchell, and your father has told me I am not welcome anyway. He will call the police. This is so crazy that he treats me so bad, I certainly do not deserve it, but no on cares about what I deserve - It is all about lies, intimidation, abuse, and control. I have no rights. If I had rights they would not leave an infection in my body. If I had rights I would be able to see my children. If I had rights I would have a home and a job. They are filthy dirty predators that torture me endlessly and won’t leave me alone. I do not have any desire to stay here, I have been made to suffer endlessly. If they do not take the infection out of my body it might kill me. I would leave if I felt better but I am so ill. However I think it would be better for me to leave if I had the opportunity for I will always be denied justice here. People prey on me like filthy little maggots, it is extremely scary. They have ruined everything in my life. They won’t even let me love my own children. I was such a wonderful mother to you and Mitchell, despite the fact I was trememdously ill. I gave you all that I had to give as a mother and I loved being your mother. You and Mitchell do not deserve this anymore than I do. I am being treated like a whore because the truth is the only way I can be put out of my physical misery is to sleep with a man. They lie about this, but it is the truth. I have no power to get anything done on my own, because the doctors won’t do anything for me on my own, and they are killing me by leaving me like this, they are torturing me. It is reprehensible that your father does nothing to aid me, especially since he is the one who did this to me. That is how these people, the police operate in their abuse towards me. They abuse me, treat me like garbage, and then tell me I deserve it. No one deserves to have their baby ripped out of them. No one deserves to have an infection intentionally left in their body, and no one deserves to be told by others that they have to sleep with someone or they will be put out in the cold, with no food, no shelter, and no health care or medicine. I am not okay, I am ill, and they lie about it. I am suffering immensely. They have made me sit here for a year and a half and beg for medicine while an infection is eating at the insides of my body. I am not the garbage, they are.

• MY LETTER TO ALAN
  by JaneAParis

  HI ALAN, I just woke up and I am resending this because I reread it and there was a typo. I went into the bathroom before I came out here…

  HI ALAN, I just woke up and I am resending this because I reread it and there was a typo. I went into the bathroom before I came out here to the computer and the water was running in the sink full blast. They do this all the time, this is one of their mindgames. What it is, is a threat. This kind of stuff is scary and very abusive. It is very threatening. I have been subjected to this kind of mind torture on a daily basis. This is what they have done to my body, played with the faucet and broke it or left it on. So when I see this I think that it means they are going to hurt me again. I never know what they are going to do, but they never stop treating me like less than an animal. I am a very unhappy person because I do not understand why it is never enough.Thirteen years Alan, and it still is not enough for them. I see them as nothing but huge bullies that never stop pounding on me, they are killing me, and they do not care who gets hurt in the process like my children. They keep me in never-ending bondage. ——- Hi Alan: Thank you for the bubble. Actually I do not feel well, I am so very ill. I have just been getting sicker and sicker. I think they messed me up really bad Alan, and I do not know if they even know how to put me back together. They are such bullies Alan, I hate them. I have no life right now. I can not even paint, because I have no income. They are just keeping me in this horrible cage on purpose. They won’t provide medical care for me, they make me live in pain and misery. I have no money, and everyday is just the same thing. I am not telling you this to make you feel bad, for I know you can do nothing for me and I do NOT want you to feel like that anyway. The gift that you give me is just the ability to tell you the bad things that are happening to me. I do not expect you to do anything but listen. If you listen and understand then it makes me feel better. Thank you for that. That is a true friend. I feel so trapped. I am too sick to work and in fact I honestly think I am dying. If they do not fix the problem in my body soon, and start taking it seriously instead of ignoring me I think I will die. I have told them over and over for years something is wrong inside of me, and Alan, the honest truth is I know very well they know exactly what is wrong with me and they are torturing me. I am a sitting duck. I am sick, I have no money, and they have stuck me in this strange place, (they call it transitional housing), where they feed me and shelter me, but nothing else. They torture me with constant harassment and mindgames. They make me sit outside with no shelter sometimes as punishment when they know I am ill. They really make no attempt to help me solve my problems that they have created. And they have created huge problems for me, especially financially. They always imply that I can accomplish my housing needs by – well you know what. It is not that I am not interested in being with a man Alan, but I do not think this is very respectful, do you? My health care and housing should not be tied to sleeping with a man. They screw me up because they abuse me over and over, and I am getting sicker and sicker. I am afraid they are going to kill me through medical neglect and torture. My body is rotting inside and they know it, and they do nothing. They hide behind lies all the time Alan, it is not about not having insurance. They would have given me medical care when I first came here if I had agreed to sleep with someone here. It is about keeping a human being in bondage. Somehow one way or another they always manipulate my situation, so screwing is the only answer to my problems, and they know that – that is what they want, that is part of the torture, because they will not fix it any other way nor will they let me have any power on my own. I want to have a relationship with a man this is only normal, and this is not the issue, the issue is that my medical care and housing should have nothing to do with being with a man, these things are and should be separate. I can invite someone into these issues if I want but this should be my choice, not a factor of control. The real issues are fair and equal access to medical care, privacy (which I do not even remember what it is like to have), empowerment, and fair and equal opportunity. In the process of denying me these things, they have kept me in eternal hell and they treat me like a whore with their disrespect and nasty comments. This actually keeps me from having a relationship with a man, because I have too many problems and I am too ill. They keep me down. And then if I say that I am interested they act like I am the predator when they know very well that this is the only solution that they are offering, and they never stop playing with my situation until they isolate me and I have no one. It is normal to have a relationship with a man if I CHOOSE, it is not normal for the doctors, police and others to act they have some right to stick their noses in my personal business where they do not belong and to control me with these things. They do not belong in my private life one way or another, and they have no right to control me and manipulate me like this with my health care and other needs. In other words, they screw me no matter what I do. I am so sick inside of my body Alan, that I could not even have intercourse with a man if I wanted to. Something is terribly messed up inside of me and they are killing me to keep me like this. I can not even urinate (very well) and they know it. They, the people who torment me think this is funny. Before I came here I was homeless because the police and everyone else abused at every job I had, and they made me so I could not pay my bills or take care of myself. So I ended up living in my car ILL for over a year. They act like they are doing me a big favor to keep me here, when the truth is this is actually a prison because they will not let me function in normal society. They are doing me no favors. Before I came here, for three and a half years before I came here to this place, I went to the emergency rooms and doctors and begged them to restore my health, and they abused me and did nothing, except of course send me a huge bill. They know exactly what is wrong with me because they have left me like this on purpose. It is not normal, moral, or right to leave an intentional infection in a human beings body, and any moral and correct emergency room at a hospital would give me treatment, like others, but I am intentionally abused. And, they have no problem sending me a bill for neglecting and torturing me. I am in incredible pain, but I have learned to deal with it. Everyday means pain for me, and probably eventual death. They have made me sit here for a year and a half and beg for medical care, (five years altogether here since I have been back in Amercia, and in complete my medical torture has spanned thirteen years), while they have made a big show of whizzing ambulances by and giving everyone else medical care. I do not understand why I deserve such terrible torment, abuse, and disrespect. I have never done anything to anyone. They have made my body endure thirteen years of illness and abuse. I very well know Alan that they are not giving me the medical attention that I need on purpose and it is keeping me ill and might cause my death. My children don’t deserve this, they deserve to have a mother who is empowered and healthy. They have let this infection spread in my body, into my vital organs like my bladder, kidney, and liver, and it has gone all the way to my head. They have let me sit here and beg for medicine until sores developed on my head, body, and face, from the infection in my body. I am sorry to place this all on you Alan. I only tell you because it feels better, so please forgive me. I have no control over my life and it is not my fault. They will not let me have any control. They keep me ill and powerless and lie about it. They have taken all the joy out of my life and they constantly try to manipulate me and my personal relationships. What happens when people do this to you is that you end up having no personal relationships. I am all alone. I am not even allowed to see my own children. They are terrible selfish people Alan. They abuse me and hurt me, and they lie about it. They keep me powerless on purpose and torture me and they lie about it. They have destroyed everything in my life. They make me sit here everyday in misery and pain. I have told them over and over that something is very wrong inside of my body and they know it because they have left me not put together right on purpose. They taunt me everyday, hour on hour. There is a girl here named Alicia, and they play games with her name (and other peoples names too). They refer to me as a dog on a leash and then point to her – Get it?, A leash a. They have buried me in this kind of stuff – harassment and innendo everyday. Not only do I have to be sick, but I have to be tortured mentally and emotionally everyday by these cruel people. They have nothing better to do but sit around and pick on me. See, you have to be careful when you ask someone how they are doing. :) :) :) :) :-) Sorry I just told you a little bit of the truth about my existence. It is not about what you have in life Alan, it is about how people treat you. I was married for thirteen years and lived in a huge beautiful house with a gorgeous view. Having things did not make me happy, what made me happy was the people that I loved and my associations, and especially my children. The people that disrespect me (the police) and others have continually whittled away at my life until there is nothing left. No matter which way I turn they present disrespect and brick walls. The only release I have had over the years from all of this has been art and loving my children. They are destroying those things too now. I wanted to go to art school, they would not let me do that either. They drummed me out. I find it amazing that they can never leave me alone. It is never enough. Can you understand why I do not want to be here anymore. It is hard for me to love my country. I still do, but I will never feel that I belong here. My country does not love me. Thank you for letting me vent. I wish I had something better to send you today, but this is the reality of my life. The only thing that keeps me going is writing, and art when I can do it. And trying to believe that eventually they will do the right thing and give me the medical care I need before I actually really die. Thank you so much for your friendship. You probably will not ever understand how much it really means to me. If nothing else just to be able to tell someone the terrible truths of my life. Thank you Alan. I am a little bummed out today, I am going to go lay back down. But I feel better because you sent me a bubble and asked how I was doing. Thank you. I am sorry I did not mean to torture you with the truth. I should have just said fine. :-) Take care and I hope to hear back from you soon. With sincere friendship, Jane. JANE À PARIS Copyright ©2008 JANE À PARIS

• LETTER TO GREGORY
  by JaneAParis

  I appreciate your concern Gregory. My situation is very complex. I just write down what is happening to me. I am very sick right now. The…

  I appreciate your concern Gregory. My situation is very complex. I just write down what is happening to me. I am very sick right now. They are either going to provide the medical care I need or I will die that is all there is to it. They can not really torture me anymore, I have nothing left to lose and I am very ill. I feel there are people around me who do not understand this, but it is a simple fact because I can feel what is going on in my body and it is not good. It scares me but it is also reality and I have to deal with it. So I guess what I am trying to say is that it does not matter if they want to pretend I am not sick or not provide medical care for me, because the reality is that I am, and if they do not provide medical care for me I will die if I am not already, and then they will have to answer for this. Whether or not they want to acknowledge it, it is really happening, and no I am not okay. They have let me sit here and rot, and this might very well be what causes my death. Again they will have to answer for this, even if no one else cares I have children. They will have to explain to my children why they let me sit here and rot, when they could have saved my life. That is why I write about what is happening, to make a record whether or not anyone does anything, I have written about it and that makes people aware. I appreciate your concern but I do not think there is anything you can really do for me but be my friend and listen and understand. Thank you so much and you take care. Smiles and friendship from Jane:-)

• Email to Claire
  by JaneAParis

  I tell them every day that I am sick and I need medicine and they tell me there is not an appointment available. They are abusing me and …

  I tell them every day that I am sick and I need medicine and they tell me there is not an appointment available. They are abusing me and torturing me.

• Email to Claire
  by JaneAParis

  From Mommy: / Have you read my red bubble page? Did you read my Letter To My Children? Did you read my last email to you, it is on my red …

  From Mommy: / Have you read my red bubble page? Did you read my Letter To My Children? Did you read my last email to you, it is on my red bubble page too…I love you and Mitchell. I need health care and medicine. If they don’t provide medical care for me I will become more ill and die. You don’t deserve this and neither do I, or Mitchell too. I am suffering very much. Very much. / / I miss you very much and Mitchell very much. It is very hard for me not to be bitter. I have been made to suffer greatly and I have been seperated from you and Mitchell for no good reason, just because we can. That is their excuse for all the bad things they do to me, it is always just because they can, because according to them I have no rights forever. / / From Claire: / Hey mommy just wanted to tell you that me and Mitchell love you very much! I will send you a longer message later! bye! / / -love claire From Mommy: / Do you read what I write on red bubble in my journal, down at the bottom of the page, and My Letter to My Children, and other things I have written as well. I want you and Mitchell to read these things. I want you to know the truth about how I have and am being treated because I am being hurt, and when I am hurt you both are hurt. I love you very much, and Mitchell too. It is very wrong for your father to leave me like this…period. I am always thinking of you and I hope that school is going well for you, I love you so much, and Mitchy too. Love Always and Forever, Eternally and Unconditionally, Mommy. From Claire: / I’m going to need to go on to red bubble soon so that I can read that. Right now it is too late. I always check my email right before I go to bed and dad is yelling at me to turn the computer off so I’ll talk to you later! I love you! / -claire From Mommy: / I love you too Claire, and Mitchell too. You need to read what I have written. Your daddy, the police and a bunch of other people are keeping me in a cage. As long as I am kept in a cage I can be nothing for you. I need my health. I want you to know the truth because I love you. They are hurting me very bad because they have left an infection in my body and they deny me medical care, this is not right. They know exactly what they are doing, they are doing it very intentionally. Read what I have written on my red bubble page. I am very angry that I cannot be strong and healthy for you and Mitchell. I am very angry that I am not being allowed to be a person. I am very angry that I have been separated from you and therefore cannot truly love you or Mitchell. I am very angry that people will not stop harassing me, playing mind games, and abusing me. I am very angry that because I have to live in fear and sickness, not only does it cost me, but it cost you and Mitchell as well. I am angry for you as well as myself. I love you very much. I have no idea where the future is heading right now…all I know for certain is that I need my health and I need rights. Without these two things I can be nothing to you or Mitchell. I do not know where I will end up in order to finally find these things I need, not want. I can not truly love you or Mitchell if I am not free, and I am not free. I am being held in never-ending bondage (with my health, employment, and many other things), by people who lie, play games, and manipulate. These people have a choice, (whereas I do not, because I am being held in bondage), they can do the right thing and set me free and make good things happen or they can do what they always do, keep me in bondage and make me live in fear, forced to make decisions based on coercion, intimidation, and fear – So that they make bad things happen and bad things become the reality of the future.

• FAO All Scots! Abu Ghraib torture company employed in the Scottish Census!
  by Cl1n70n Tyree

  No, it isn’t a joke! Read below and please sign the petition! We, the undersigned, are grave…

  No, it isn’t a joke! Read below and please sign the petition! We, the undersigned, are gravely concerned that CACI Ltd, a wholly-owned UK subsidiary of a company that has been involved in interrogating prisoners at Abu Ghraib Prison in Iraq, has been awarded a Scottish Census 2011 contract for census printing and data capture services (Sunday Herald, 27th July 2008). We think that it is wrong to give millions of pounds of taxpayers’ money to a subsidiary of a firm that helped run Abu Ghraib, where prisoners were systematically subjected to appalling abuse. We also think that it is wrong to ask Scots to give personal information to a company whose parent company is closely linked to the US military and intelligence communities. We think that the Scottish Government’s decision to work with CACI is in conflict with its opposition to the war in Iraq and with its duty to uphold human rights. And we fear that the Scottish Government’s relationship with CACI may in future prevent it speaking out about concerns over the activities of CACI and other private contractors in war zones around the world. We the undersigned call on the Scottish Government to cancel the contract awarded to CACI Ltd and to take steps to ensure that the Scottish people can have confidence in the ethical probity of the 2011 Census. SIGN!

• Do I Remember What Home Feels Like?
  by brenwebb

  It is interesting, no, make that more than interesting, how being in this community of art, can make me feel something when I have no fee…

  It is interesting, no, make that more than interesting, how being in this community of art, can make me feel something when I have no feelings to share. In between short periods of time that are torture episodes in reality, I can slightly relax and look forward to a new work or completion of one. I see and sense similarity around me and taken aback by the beauty created by others, I attempt not to be persuaded or influenced to copy any image to my brain for duplication elsewhere. I cannot view the work of others too long. My admiration may come alive in a work that needs to be my own beginning and end. 01-22-08 09:35 a.m. PST