1. / Read this in a Scottish accent, the broader the better. Two Scots, the best man Archie and the groom Jock, are sitting in th…
1. / Read this in a Scottish accent, the broader the better. Two Scots, the best man Archie and the groom Jock, are sitting in the / pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding. / “Och, it’s all going to be grand”, says Jock. “I’ve everything organised / already, the flowers, the church, the cards, the reception, the rings, / the minister, and you’ve taken care of ma stag night”. / Archie nods approvingly. / “Havens, I’ve even bought a kilt to be married in,” continued Jock. / “A kilt?” exclaims Archie, “That’s braw; you’ll look pure deed smart in / that!” / “And what’s the tartan?” Archie then enquires. / “Och,” says Jock, “I’d imagine she’ll be in white…” / ......................................................................................................................................................... / 2. / The teenage boy came home one day and heard some sounds coming from his parents room. He opened the door and found them “practicing nocturnal mating rituals.” Dad just smiled and went back at it. Angered, the boy left. About an hour later, dad was walking down the hall and heard similar noises coming from the boys room. He opened the door to find the boy and grandma going at it. The boy looked at dad and said; “See, it’s not so funny when it’s your mom.” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 3. / An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. / “Well” said the doctor, “this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. / I will have to remove half your brain”. / “That’s OK” said the Englishman. “I’ve always wanted to be Irish and I’m prepared to take the risk”. / The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. / “I’m so terribly sorry!!” the doctor said. “Instead of removing half the brain, I’ve taken the whole brain out”. The patient replied, “No worries, mate!!” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 4. / Two blondes living in Sydney were sitting on a bench talking…... And one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away….......Melbourne or the moon?” The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Melbourne…?“ / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 5. / A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “What’s the story?” He replies, “Just crap in the fuel” She asks, “How often do I have to do that?” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 6. / A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!” / ......................................................................................................................................................... / 7. / There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?” / The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, / “You ARE on the other side.” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 8. / A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. / “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.” / The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. / The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you? / “Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.” / “I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 9. / A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!” / The American said, “We were the first on the moon!” / The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!” / The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. / “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian. / To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 10. / The blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. / A policeman approaches her and says, “Ma’am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?” / She says, “Why, officer?” / “Because your breast is exposed.” / “Oh. my God”, says the blond. “I left the baby on the bus!” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 11. / 1. Two blondes walk into a building…....... you’d think at least one of them would have seen it. / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 12. / Phone answering machine message – ”...If you want to buy marijuana,press the hash key…” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 13. / I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any. / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 14. / I went to the butchers and I bet him $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. / He said: “No, the steaks are too high.” / ......................................................................................................................................................... / 16. / My friends son drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. / ......................................................................................................................................................... / 17. / I went to a seafood disco last week…... and pulled a muscle. / ..........................................................................................................................................................18 / . Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it. / ......................................................................................................................................................... / 19. / Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 20. / Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says: “I’ll give you some cream to put on it.” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 21. / ‘Doc I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home’. “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’’. / ’ Is it common? ’. / “It’s not unusual.” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 22. / A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” / “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him”. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. / Finally, he says: “I’m going to have to put him down.” / “What? Because he’s cross-eyed? ” / “No, because he’s really heavy” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 23. / What do you call a fish with no eyes? / A fsh. / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 24. / I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you give me a lift?” / I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’ / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 25. / Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin. / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 26. / Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other “Your round.” The other one says: “So are you, you fat bast**d!” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 27. / Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 28. / “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 29. / A man walked into the doctors, he said, “I’ve hurt my arm in several places”. The doctor said, “Well don’t go there anymore” / .......................................................................................................................................................... / 30. / Ireland worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small / two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. .......................................................................................................................................................... / A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. / The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”. Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. / The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”. The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. / He asked, “And what are those”? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”? Cheers / Rossco
I have an itchy spot on the bottom of my foot. The problem is, when I try to scratch it, it tickles. I don’t know which is worse; the i…
I have an itchy spot on the bottom of my foot. The problem is, when I try to scratch it, it tickles. I don’t know which is worse; the itchiness, or the ticklishness?
Subject: Tickle Me Elmo / Tickle Me Elmo: There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which / makes the Tickle Me …
Subject: Tickle Me Elmo / Tickle Me Elmo: There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which / makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle / it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and / she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the / Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws / open the door and begins to rant about the new / employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole / line is backing up, putting the entire production line / behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for / himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. / When they get there the line is so backed up that there / are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re / really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains / of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush / red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece / of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to / carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. / After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself / together and approaches Lena . “I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, / “but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you / yesterday…” “Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles. / / / / / /
Just want to thank Shelley and Simon from Mother Nature’s Finest group for selecting my p…
Just want to thank Shelley and Simon from Mother Nature’s Finest group for selecting my photo “A Place to Reflect” as one of the group’s featured works. Never in a million years did I ever expect to see one of my photographs featured any where!!! I’m just tickled pink!! Most of you who know me – and who have supported my efforts so generously and graciously- know that photography is neither my gift nor my first love (until recently – lol). [Someday perhaps – lol – I’ll make featured in writing somewhere too and then my joy will be complete – (aren’t I just too greedy??)] But I’m extremely thrilled and very gratified that with a bit of practice, I’m enjoying it more and learning so much about this beautiful and often difficult way of capturing the beauty around us. Thank you Shelley, Simon and all of you so very dear friends who keep on encouraging me so often. Love you all so very much! Lianne
A great big YEE HAW to the person that bought my Beatles – Eleanor Rigby ! I would like to thank you for the early Birthday present ! Wow…
A great big YEE HAW to the person that bought my Beatles – Eleanor Rigby ! I would like to thank you for the early Birthday present ! Wow! I’m speechless, and ask my husband that rarely ever happens! I hope you enjoy it for years to come ! I’m tickled pink!
Hey, WOW!!! “Tickle,” possibly the best photo I have ever taken, has just been selected to be featured on the main page of the new group …
Hey, WOW!!! “Tickle,” possibly the best photo I have ever taken, has just been selected to be featured on the main page of the new group “A Beautiful Blur.” That is so exciting! A big thanks to the moderators!! :D In addition - partly because of the links from Blue Room 2 and MsTrace (thanks again, y’all!), and in lesser part because of this featuring - “Tickle” is about to become my first-ever artwork with more than 100 views. A small thing in the bigger world of RB, but meaningful to me nonetheless. ;) So thanks everyone for your support and encouragement!
How exciting! :D It’s my second feature in the Two Word Challenge group. “Tickle” is curre…
How exciting! :D It’s my second feature in the Two Word Challenge group. “Tickle” is currently featured for the challenge “light” and “laughter.” Thanks, Ribbon! :) I seem to do well on the “light” challenges; my first TWC feature was “Squashes” for “light” and “atmosphere,” during the summer. That was my first-ever feature! So I have a soft spot for this particular group. ;) “Tickle” is still my most popular photo, btw, with more than 130 views.
” I N S P I R A T I O N ….....................” was featured in the group Nostalgic Art and Photography.. / Thank you so much for recogn…
” I N S P I R A T I O N ….....................” was featured in the group Nostalgic Art and Photography.. / Thank you so much for recognizing his talent…..
Once again I’m most grateful to the generous hosts of Trees And Their Parts to select another of my images. This time it’s Leaves Of Gold…
Once again I’m most grateful to the generous hosts of Trees And Their Parts to select another of my images. This time it’s Leaves Of Gold. Sincere thanks to you both for selecting it. Regards, Ron.
“Tickle Me Ducky” was featured in All Pets Great and Small group! / A special thankyou to the group host(s) for featuring my work and for …
“Tickle Me Ducky” was featured in All Pets Great and Small group! / A special thankyou to the group host(s) for featuring my work and for all the support from my fellow bubblers !! Thankyou :) /
CLICK HERE for The Secret Life of Cows by Glen Wexler / Can’t half tell that Eric Idle might have had s…
CLICK HERE for The Secret Life of Cows by Glen Wexler / Can’t half tell that Eric Idle might have had something to do with it!! Speakers are handy here!! Hope you get a laugh or ten!!! I did!!! :))) Cheers, Vicki / 28th May 2009
Art is not only for observing but also for healing. / Recently I have participated in some workshops run for survivors of breast cancer (c…
Art is not only for observing but also for healing. / Recently I have participated in some workshops run for survivors of breast cancer (concentrating on hands as design elements). They were very positive and there was a definite healing element. We enjoyed the opening of the exhibition last week / *Tickled Pink – Art Exhibition in association with the Breast Cancer Network Association & Artereal Gallery. The exhibition runs until 31 October from 11 – 5 Wed – Sun. / Proceeds from the sales of artworks will directly benefit Australians who are affected by breast cancer. Artereal Gallery 747 Darling St, Rozelle NSW ph 02 98187473 www.artereal.com.au http://www.bcna.org.au/content/view/328/306/ More than 50 people were there. Yours in Art Kazm
WOW – two features today – I’m surely In the Pink / First Geranium...
WOW – two features today – I’m surely In the Pink / First Geranium and / Let it Bee / I am quite overwhelmed and happy :o)))) / Thank you – thank you – thank you xxx to the hosts for this double feature.
Hey all, The latest App designed and built by my work (Good Dog Design) is now available in the iTunes App Store...
Hey all, The latest App designed and built by my work (Good Dog Design) is now available in the iTunes App Store It features two of my illustrations (as seen on this and this (although the ghost has a more kid-friendly face)) and then two other monsters. Basically, you tickle the monsters and they laugh. It’s a simple idea but actually pretty fun. And who doesn’t need a few more laughs in their life? I hope you’ll check it out.. and while you’re there, why not look at the original Tickle Monster with three monsters that I have drawn or, for the more frugally minded, Tickle Monster Light (which is free!) I’m just happy to get the odd job at work that involved drawing monsters to be honest ;)
One of our local traders creates her own newsletter for her breast cancer clients. / She has published the article and I am so pleased as …
One of our local traders creates her own newsletter for her breast cancer clients. / She has published the article and I am so pleased as it will highlight the Tickled Pink exhibition for another group of women. / As the exhibition runs until the 31st of October they will have a chance to catch it. The exhibition runs until 31 October from 11 – 5 Wed – Sun. / Proceeds from the sales of artworks will directly benefit Australians who are affected by breast cancer. Artereal Gallery 747 Darling St, / Rozelle (near Sydney) NSW / ph 02 98187473 / www.artereal.com.au
I am going to be away with my sister for a few days so please forgive delays in acknowledging any activity. / This week has been great for…
I am going to be away with my sister for a few days so please forgive delays in acknowledging any activity. / This week has been great for a couple of my digital works. Watery Clock & Mmmmm. Appreciate the encouragement and attention of the hosts & members. / Hope you all have an arty and happy weekend. If you are in Sydney you can just catch the end of the Tickled Pink Exhibition (which aims to raise money for BCNA which supports women with breast cancer) at the Artereal Gallery Rozelle. / Huge Hugz / KazM
I’m Tickled Pink. RB just gave me a shout-out. No, I’ve never had one of these: !http://bigeuniverse.com/images/RB/Solo/Inside-S…
I’m Tickled Pink. RB just gave me a shout-out. No, I’ve never had one of these: / ...like Maggie Bernet, Leonie7, Deborah Milligan, and Reynaldo (all Solo members!) had Thursday. Nope never had a home page. (But these 4 made Art News in Inside Solo!) Never had one of these, either: / ... like Robin had this last week. Nope never had Featured Writing (Robin’s feature made Art News in Inside Solo, too!) / BUT, I’ve been very grateful for my 12 features this month in: About Time, Textures Unlimited, Fantasy Fine Art Composites, Dimensions, Digital Brushstrokes, Pathway to the Soul, Inspired by Life, Core [C.O.R.E], and The Divine Feminine. And for Vibration in Art and Verse – VAVoom! for poetry created for an artwork. (featured works below) Killing Time Time to Fly Something Happened Time to Fly (the poem) What is it about Milly? The Choice These rewarding features from wonderful hosts, despite my having uploaded a paltry 4 images to Red Bubble this month. Yes, my art is suffering for lack of time. I was especially excited that About Time, a fairly new group, led by Songmistress and James Leader, honored me with “Featured Member” status. Wow!! 3 out of 4 of my new works this month related to Time and death. Many thanks! And then there is the RB Community SHOUT-OUT! Wow!!! / I am so grateful for this gratitude show by the RB community staffers. It means so much! / They even linked to the Vonne Emerson issue of Inside Solo. Vol 15. Thanks to all who encourage me. It means so much. I truly enjoy this community. Every day I’m amazed at the expressions in art from friends and acquaintances, and from others to whom they introduce me on Red Bubble’s international artist network. If everyone in the world could just get a slice of Red Bubble every day, maybe there would be peace and joy. That’s the goal, isn’t it? And the same to you! / —Frannie
I’ve had several features of my watercolor scenes. Wow, thanks Smokey Mountain Barn / !http://images-3.redbubble.net/img/art/framecolor…
I’ve had several features of my watercolor scenes. Wow, thanks Smokey Mountain Barn / Winter Scene / Mountain View / Midnight Mountain / I’m also happy that these look better in person but pleased that they have been featured in different groups. Thank you!
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