Pervert Journal Entries

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• Pope's proposal pressures pervert priests.
  by Gregoryno6

  Sydney, 17 July – His Holiness Pope Benedict too…

  Sydney, 17 July – His Holiness Pope Benedict took a radical step today in the war against sexual abusers in the priesthood. Launching the “Koalas Not Kids” program, the Bishop of Rome urged clergy who found the temptations of the flesh too powerful to resist to direct their unholy lusts toward the gumleaf-chewing, habitually inebriated marsupials. / “The little critter looks cute, doesn’t he? Well, you dirtbags are in for a nasty surprise when you cuddle up: unlike the average five-year-old, koala bears are more than capable of defending themselves. Look at the claws on him. Ha, they’ll leave their mark. Especially when he grabs you by the balls. Scheisse! Diese überwucherte ratte pissed ganz über mir! Nehmen sie es weg!“ / Throwing the incontinent beast at a passing theology student the Pope resumed his speech. Excoriating the sinful among the priesthood, His Holiness was direct and unsentimental. “You bastards,” he cursed. “You’re bringing us down with your inability to keep it in your pants. Holy Mother! Remember those vows of chastity you took, way back when? I was talking to the Boss on the Heavenly Hotline last night, and you’d better believe there’s trouble waiting for you downstairs. Demons with spiked baseball bats of red-hot iron! Guess where they’ll be applied, too. Ha. Serves you right.” / Cardinal George Pell was unavailable for comment. But he was said to have been ‘surprised’ by the Pope’s ‘unorthodox’ approach to the problem. / Pope Benedict has been the subject of controversy before, on account of his appearance in another fictitious news report.

• On this cold, wet and windy day, something to share!
  by Marilyn Brown

  Wind The wind is a pervert, / Playfully tugging at girls skirts, / Reaching down peoples tops, / And in a frenzy whipping up the leaves / ...

  Wind The wind is a pervert, / Playfully tugging at girls skirts, / Reaching down peoples tops, / And in a frenzy whipping up the leaves / Into a revolt, then sending them to mischief. / Then he stops, as if tired from playing, / Sulking like a disobedient dog when confronted. / The trees stop swaying and the leaves stop swirling, / And the world sighs with relief, / Then with an insolent smile he starts again. / He picks up exactly where he left off. / Hurling dirt, twigs and leaves at passers by. / Blowing raspberries from the heavens. / He invites his friends to join him, / To wreak havoc on the world, Thunder and Lightning. / Oh yes the wind is a pervert, / Toying with the skirts of passers by. / Then the worlds had enough. / He reaches out and hits the winds rear end, / Sending the wind running in terror followed by his friends. by Kirsten Brown